Friends, Humor, Weekend April 20, 2009April 20, 2009

But I’m Le Tired!

“We should get up.”
“Nope.”
-C. and Peregrine

weekend When I was a student weekends were for professional procrastination, the deliberate putting off of what we could do today until tomorrow. Unless it was the weekend before a paper or test, in which case it was a frantic mess of studying, typing, the hot chocolate by the cupload (I prefer sugar to caffeine). But ever since joining the post-undergraduate workforce, I cannot think of anything less relaxing than a weekend! Even if they are fun, they are exhausting.

Peregrine came into town to visit this weekend, YEAH! She’s making the rounds visiting friends, but crashing at my place. Thanks to her I think I’ve eaten more calories in the last two days than a small third world country sees in a year, due to our mutual love of heavy cream, french cheeses, and chocolate. Bad…

I saw my godbrother Pieter for the last time in two years, he’s going to be in Belgium (where I used to live! Eating the waffles I love! And I’m nowhere around!) doing missionary work. He’s going to do a lot of good, I know, but I’m going to miss him! Fairy threw an amazing soiree for him on sunday with waffles as the main event (very cute) to see him off and I was over at their house for six hours. (In other godfamily news, little Elle is four months old and adorable! She’s obviously her father’s daughter; for the first two years I knew GBIL every photo I’d seen of him he was sticking his tongue out. And when I was playing with Elle yesterday she gave me one of her big full body smiles…and stuck her tongue out at me. She looked so like him that I burst out laughing. I can’t believe she’s so big.)

I also got some shopping done over the weekend, got a haircut, did my weekly library raid, watched two movies from my list, contemplated (but then rejected) the idea of doing laundry, straighted my flat, paid bills, and balanced my budget. And now I’m back at work. Bleh.

Humor April 16, 2009April 16, 2009

Goofs of the Week

“Doh!”
-Homer Simpson

Oops! – In a previous post I stated that my weight was between 155 and 120…that should have been a 115. Oops.
– On tuesday morning I was so rushed getting ready that I leaped out of the shower, toweled off, and started to put on lotion…when I realized I’d only shaved one of my legs. Oops.
– Last sunday I got ready for church, but when I showed up no one was there…apparently they changed the time for Easter service. Oops.
– Wednesday night J. and I went to meet with our wedding photographer, but I hadn’t eaten anything in hours and was pretty dehydrated. I ended up nearly passing out on the way home and was so shaky afterwards (even after eating) that I spent half an hour aggravating my downstairs neighbors by dropping everything I touched. Oops. And sorry!

It’s been a busy week! Aside from me being a goofball I’ve had more wedding crap to finalize, a bridal shower for my friend Raccoon, and a crazy past weekend. And this weekend isn’t going to be restful in the slightest because my oldest friend Peregrine is coming into town and crashing at my place! And if you think we’re getting any sleep, you’re nuts!

Humor, Snark April 15, 2009April 15, 2009

Brr! And Grr!

“Son of a…”
-Detective M. looking out the window

In December - charming. In April - evil.

Ok, Mother Nature, you obviously didn’t get the message earlier, either that or you’re just a sadistic psycho wench, so I’m going to make this as clear as I can.

KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE SNOW. IT IS FREAKING MID-APRIL. There should be blue skies with plenty of clouds, flowers shooting up left and right, and cheerful springtime animals starting to frolic about. What twisted alternate time warp are you in? Have you no sympathy for people’s feelings, let alone the calendar? I am getting sick of packing up winter sweaters only to drag them out of the closet for 48 hours at a time. Is there someone else up there we can talk to, because you clearly aren’t managing to get your job done. To summarize, showers are permissible, blizzards are not. Fix it. Now.

Humor, Wedding April 14, 2009April 16, 2009

Dress, Distress, Duress

“I had my second dress fitting.”
“How’s it looking?”
“Fine. The only problem is me in it.”
-C. and Venice

I work our regularly, my weight hovers between a very healthy 115 and 120, I have low blood pressure, and I’ve achieved that rare state in a woman: I think my body looks pretty good. Or at least I did. On saturday I went in for another wedding dress fitting and my confidence crumbled at my feet. I don’t care if you’re freaking Gisele Bundchen, put on a form hugging dress in a really light color, turn on glaring, unforgiving fluorescent lights, and stand in front of nearly 360 degree mirrors and even you would suddenly feel whale-ish.

In other depressing wedding news, our invitations have come and while they look lovely, my mother wants them hand addressed. ?!?!?! I may have to get all my girlfriends together one night, promise them food in exchange for services, and beg them for their help because not only is my handwriting atrocious, the idea of addressing even just my share of our 400 invitations makes me want to cry! I’m fully aware that the reception is my parents’ party, they are paying for it, they are throwing it, they are hosting it, but I have this small whiny child inside me who wails, “Do I have to?”

Family, Home April 13, 2009

The Ties That Bind

“His family is so laid back and relaxed, very cool with no drama. I can’t relate at all!”
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
-C. and Mom

Although they turn me into a quivering mess of fear and anxiety, I have to admit J.’s family is pretty nice. His parents are very generous and kind, his sibs are nice and friendly, and they are the least drama-filled group of people I’ve ever met. A totally foreign concept to me!

313 Now, my family is fantastic, but I’d have a nose the length of London Bridge if I said we were healthy and normal. We’ve had a lot of problems, not that other families don’t of course, and they have spanned generations and decades with a lot of resentment built up. Hey, we make it work, but my family has always been a major hold-up for me in relationships; my parents’ marriage and our dynamic as a family worked, per se, but it wasn’t what I wanted for myself. But it was the only example of marriage or family I grew up with, so I didn’t really expect to be able to break the cycle. I have higher hopes these days but I still get nervous about thinking of being a wife (and MANY years down the road, a mom). I have this awful fear that one day I will be the one sitting in a psychiatrist’s office casually reading a magazine to hide the inward guilt gnawing at me that my kid is in the next room having his brain picked apart to undo the damage that I have done. Ghastly!

Wise and I were comparing thoughts on this, she’s been married a while longer than me, but she had a similar home situation growing up and had the same trepidations. Unfortunately, she said with a laugh, she still has them. Great. Hope. Seriously though, I don’t think there’s a cure for the common family, but I do think there’s treatment.

Home, Marriage April 10, 2009April 10, 2009

I Want That One, And That One, And…

“Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.”
-Michel de Montaigne

Something else I’ve discovered: I’m pretty good at being a pre-wife. Flat found, furniture bought, basic appliances purchased (which I haven’t ruined, exploded, or dropped yet!), and organization of said flat taken care of. Utilities set up, bills paid on time, and I even got into the spirit of registering, even though the guiltis still painfully acute. And J. is an excellent pre-husband! He put our dresser and bookcase from IKEA together, reminds me of wedding stuff we still have to do (i.e. registering…could I blame the guilt on him?), bemusedly tolerates me running around like a headless chicken when I think something has to be done immediately, and does the heavy lifting. And he’s very fun to look at! Mostly planning the wedding has been an unenjoyably chore, even though I think it’s going to turn out beautifully, but planning the marriage itself has been rather fun.

money1 Besides finishing trawling Bed Bath and Beyond with a registry scanner yesterday (Target’s our next victim), and deciding to buy a comforter set because it’s half off and on clearance, we also decided to buy a computer (finally, since I’ve been without for months now and J.’s laptop seems to have decided to tank on us). So while it seems an expensive week, with tax refund money and a returned security deposit from my old condo, it actually won’t be too bad!

It’s surreal sometimes to no longer be a starving university student and having a legitimate income to spend however I find best (…or if I really, really need that pair of shoes…). It seems the more money you have, the more places it has to go. Where the topic of hot internal debate used to be, “Can I afford that or should I continue to just use my boot as a hammer?” it’s now become, “I know I can buy that but should I get it now, put it on a credit card, wait until payday, or spend the money on something else?” Often it’s not a choice between can or can’t, it’s a choice of when.

On a completely different topic, Marie has asked me to come talk to a group of nursing students who are going on study abroad to the UK about living in Britain, culture shock, and cultural perceptions on both sides. I’m particularly looking forward to lecturing these girls (none of whom besides Marie have been out of the country in their lives) regarding American tourist behavior abroad, a subject of which I have many vicious opinions!

Humor, Wedding April 9, 2009

Oh, the Guilt

“Never advise anyone to go to war or get married.”
-Spanish Proverb

So, I’ve discovered something: I don’t like registering for wedding presents! I feel like an absolute jerk while doing it, the line of thought seems to be : “Hi, I’m getting married, please buy me stuff.” I know it’s the Done Thing, but I still! And whenever I saw something that we actually needed or could use, of course I wanted quality which twisted the guilt knife even deeper. I’m SORRY I want non-stick pans (because I would ruin anything else) and a cheese grater that won’t fall to bits upon first use, good grief I never had buyer’s guilt for something I hadn’t actually bought! Make it stop!

Life April 8, 2009

Tempted. Might Give In.

“Dance, dance!”
-Fall Out Boy

Friends! I found a place that does adult ballet classes, just once a week for $40 a month! Replaces a workout, helps me with my (un)coordination, and dance is something I love to do. I took ballet when I was younger, plus a few classes at university, and besides they have all levels at the studio which is literally a block from my flat. Should I just go for it?!

Humor, Snark, Wedding April 7, 2009

Vacation’s Over

“Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.”
-Unknown

Back in early March I finished planning the wedding with a big sigh of relief. I finalized the food, flowers, decorations, invitations, dress, shoes, bridesmaids’ gifts, travel plans with family, and everything. Then I gratefully stopped thinking about the whole thing in order to focus on getting my apartment ready and moving in. The wedding was nice and far off and I was content not to think about it, plus it was mostly done, right?

Sigh. Yesterday I was rudely awakened from my wedding planning hibernation when Elysha called me to tell me my invitations were ready. Then, when we were in Target buying a microwave (because I’m a lost soul without one), J. reminded me that we need to register for things, and then a bunch of people reminded me about the actually getting ready part of the day (hair, makeup, all that torture), and THEN the spa I emailed months ago about the possibility of doing an early morning appointment for me and my friends for the big day finally emailed me back with information.

Apparently my break is over and I have to get back to work. The real big project for this party is going to be collecting addresses from people and getting them all out (have you seen the price of stamps?!) and I’m not going to love doing it. But since everything else is done…I have no way to procrastinate!

Once upon a time I asked my mother if I could elope and her response was, “Whatever you’d like, honey.” But! As soon as there was the legitimate chance of me getting married? “You. Will. Not. Even. Think. About. It.”

Drama, Humor, Snark, Work April 3, 2009

Battle of the Sexes, Part II

“What is going on with the XY’s today?!”
-C.

Our adventures in male/female interactions continued yesterday when I had to attend a workshop in Preventing Sexual Harassment that the university insists its new hires take (note: I’ve been working here for 8 months, first I ever heard of it). I didn’t mind, it was a paid hour out of the office I thought…unfortunately by the end of it I was irritated enough to breathe fire. The problem wasn’t the topic, the problem was This Guy.

Picture if you will a short, rotund man with heavy jowls, greasy hair (where he had any left), small eyes hidden behind thick glasses, and huge pores gaping in his cheeks. Got that? Now add on the annoying personality of that kid you once had in some class or another who had to comment on anything the teacher says, and when he isn’t called on offers up a muttered running commentary anyway under his breath. And finally, top it all off with a nasally voice that was used mostly to talk about himself a lot. Charming, eh?

Not five minutes into her powerpoint presentation the teacher started a new slide with a cheery, “Now, there are several categories of personal aspects that are protected under the law–”
Up shot this guy’s hand. “Why aren’t men protected? When I was the vice president of XYZ Corporation, we had a situation–”
“Actually,” the teacher said quickly, “men are protected. Sexual harassment can pass between genders in any number of ways.”
“But say I was being hit on by a homosexual,” he demanded (the word homosexual was whispered darkly).
I personally couldn’t imagine anyone in their right mind, regardless of sexual orientation, hitting on this guy, but I digress. It took a while but the teacher managed to get us back on topic, but then when she brought up the protected categories again: gender, religion, disability, race–
Up shot the hand again! “Well, in my last area of work at Such-And-Such University, I had nothing against the negroes, but…”

My jaw dropped, I couldn’t help it. Out of date, grossly derogatory racial epithet in the middle of an anti-harassment seminar? Seriously?

It sort of went downhill from there, culminating in an argument between this man and a female biochemistry teacher who talked (at length) about her personal dating history and how she’s been subjected to prejudice because of her unmarried status, but how could she marry when all the men she meets are intimidated by her intelligence, has anyone else had this problem, isn’t is unbearable, what is wrong with the men…
But, injects our enlightened friend the greaseball, you made the decision when you decided to pick school over dating, this is your fault, women can’t have it all and it’s ridiculous to try…
“Um, can we please try and stay focused?” asks the teacher in a small voice which no one hears because they’re too busy watching the train wreck.

In the end, the lecturer had to cut out the last third of her presentation and lamely hand us pamphlets saying, “Most of the material we didn’t get to is in here, and feel free to give me a call.”
“I have another question,” our hero demanded, but I didn’t wait to hear it. I bounded up, snatched the pamphlets with a breathless thank you and scampered back to the relative safety of my officer where stupid people, when we deal with them, are usually undergoing some kind of legal recourse.

Small Dog Syndrome