The Ties That Bind

“His family is so laid back and relaxed, very cool with no drama.  I can’t relate at all!”
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
-C. and Mom

Although they turn me into a quivering mess of fear and anxiety, I have to admit J.’s family is pretty nice.  His parents are very generous and kind, his sibs are nice and friendly, and they are the least drama-filled group of people I’ve ever met.  A totally foreign concept to me!

313Now, my family is fantastic, but I’d have a nose the length of London Bridge if I said we were healthy and normal.  We’ve had a lot of problems, not that other families don’t of course, and they have spanned generations and decades with a lot of resentment built up.  Hey, we make it work, but my family has always been a major hold-up for me in relationships; my parents’ marriage and our dynamic as a family worked, per se, but it wasn’t what I wanted for myself.  But it was the only example of marriage or family I grew up with, so I didn’t really expect to be able to break the cycle.  I have higher hopes these days but I still get nervous about thinking of being a wife (and MANY years down the road, a mom).  I have this awful fear that one day I will be the one sitting in a psychiatrist’s office casually reading a magazine to hide the inward guilt gnawing at me that my kid is in the next room having his brain picked apart to undo the damage that I have done.  Ghastly!

Wise and I were comparing thoughts on this, she’s been married a while longer than me, but she had a similar home situation growing up and had the same trepidations.  Unfortunately, she said with a laugh, she still has them.  Great.  Hope.  Seriously though, I don’t think there’s a cure for the common family, but I do think there’s treatment.

One thought on “The Ties That Bind”

  1. You’ll be fine. I have no doubt. Your kids will be screwed up somehow, but EVERYONE’S kids are!! No matter how “perfect” a family seems.

    C, we’ve had a few chats about our families. We love them, but want to do a few (or maybe most) things differently, but that’s NORMAL. Oh my gosh! I just described you as being normal in something. Yeah, you are.

    With love,

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