How do we feel about social media these days?

“Distracted from distraction by distraction” 
― T.S. Eliot

A genuine question, kittens. I ask because Katarina and I had a delightful hour and a half long conversation on the topic the other day and I have not been able to get the conversation out of my head. I joked about it when I mused what I’d like to give up in 2018 because I didn’t quite mean it…but didn’t quite not mean it either.

Last year I started logging out of Facebook for extended periods of time. I don’t really enjoy it as a platform and haven’t for years, but I’ve kept it because it’s an easy way for people all over the world to keep in touch with me. A military brat and an expat, my friends and acquaintances are scattered across the globe and I justify keeping my Facebook account to make it easy to connect with them…but maybe I need to be more honest about the fact that most of the friends I keep in touch with regularly, I keep in touch with through other means. My best friends and I talk, text and email weekly. I have a lively correspondent base and Facebook isn’t how I keep in touch with them. I’m holding on to it for a purpose that I don’t actually use in real life. My logic is flawed.

Less personally, I don’t really like Facebook anymore. My feed is a constant stream of advertisements and wannabe viral videos and memes. For a long while I watched and uptick in people sharing content I didn’t like or agree with (this was a few years ago) so I started culling my list of “friends” until it actually represented friends. From 2014-2106 the content turned political and the tone turn downright vicious so I went through another culling period and started muting people whose views troubled or angered me.

In other words, I became part of the problem so routine subscribed to Facebook these days: that it shows us content we already agree or align with, reinforcing our views.

I’m now trying actively to correct that by widening how I consume media, and Facebook is not the way I do that. I’ve subscribed to newspapers that I previously enjoyed mostly for free (got to support journalism now more than ever), and I make a deliberate effort to read commentators and platforms or publications that represent different views than me. I might not share them as much because, hey: my blog, my rules, but I do read them.

Instagram is a platform I still enjoy, even though it’s owned by Facebook and I haven’t liked a lot of the changes that have been made to it as a platform (a non-chronological feed for one thing). But it’s a place where I find beautiful images and interesting people and so it’s still a fun thing for me. I follow friends, a lot of beauty and style editors and writers, vintage sellers, some bloggers who I either know or have interacted with in some way over the years, and a few theme feeds that give me a much needed daily dose of pretty.

Twitter I’m torn over. I didn’t really use Twitter all that regularly until the 2016 campaign and now I feel a bit like a junkie who needs it to keep up with what’s going on in the world. I subscribe mostly to journalists, editors, writers, bloggers, and podcasters whose content I enjoy, and politicians whose views are relevant to mine or to my life. But let’s be honest, as a whole, Twitter is a hilariously overly-dramatic place. If you acknowledge it and don’t believe everything you read, you can enjoy the ride. But if, like me, you’re a person who tends to take a lot of things very (or too) seriously, it will convince you that the world is on the brink of self-destruction or that people are mostly garbage if you give it too much of your time. It’s not a platform that encourages good mental health or stress management.

As for all the other social media platforms, I’m either barely or not at all active on them. Bad blogger!

I’m not sure what this thinking will coalesce into but it’s an idea I can’t really get out of my head. Katarina and I had a lively discussion about whether social media will stay as relevant or how it may change in coming years. I don’t think you can write it off entirely, especially given the current political landscape of the world, but it’s been interesting to watch how it’s been leveraged or monetized past the point of authenticity for so many people. We also chatted about blogging and how that medium has changed over the past decade, but that’s another rambling post altogether!

I think I’m going to keep off of Facebook for as long as I can avoid logging in. Other platforms I’m still up in the air about. How about you guys, how do you use social media and how has your use changed over recent year? Is it weird I’m thinking about this so much, or do you guys ponder this stuff to? Lend me your thoughts!

Weekend Update

“No, it wasn’t an accident, I didn’t say that. It was carefully planned, down to the tiniest mechanical and emotional detail. But it was a mistake.” 
― John Paxton, On the Beach (1959)

It’s hard to convey how much I stress about when to publish the weekend links post these days because I know the moment I do, something newsworthy will happen.

Like Hawaii sending a false alarm nuclear attack warning to the population. By mistake. It took three quarters of an hour to clear the misinformation up, about the same time it would apparently take for an actual missile from the Korean Peninsula to hit.

If we don’t actually get tweeted or accidentally stumble into a war at some point this year, the stress may yet end us all.

Weekend Links: We Aren’t Even Halfway Through January Edition

“I love America more than any other country in the world and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” 
― James Baldwin

Kittens, what a week. This could be written about any week for the past calendar year and a half but once again, it was a doozy and I’m not even going to attempt a recap. Who would have thought we’d get Oprah trending and yet more vulgarities from our vulgarian in chief? As I put the finishing touches on this post I glimpsed something from the Washington Post about an adult film star and Trump hush money? Whatever, I’m not clicking.

God, this man is humiliating. NPR had to send out a briefing memo to its news team today instructing them on the proper usage of the word “shithole” throughout the day. What a world.

MUST READ: If you wanted to avoid our rage, perhaps you shouldn’t have left us with so little to lose.

Many women wore black gowns for the Golden Globes as a statement of solidarity, protest, and attention direction this year. And to anyone who naysays fashion as frivolous, I say it has always been used as social and political statement, especially by women. As Tom and Lorenzo point out, far more articulately than I could, fashion and style choices are some of the most potent weapons some of these women can use in an industry that traffics in their images. I loved that several women also brought activists as guests. More of this in 2018, please.

Oprah Winfrey’s speech knocked it out of the bloody park at the Golden Globe Awards.

WGSN’s trend forecast for beauty this year is nicely optimistic to me.

I am poised and ready for the future discoveries of these documents in someone’s attic or in some abandoned vault. You all know I LIVE for those stories.

For your reading consideration this year.

Bad feminist confession, I adore the film The Women and love but have always questioned the technicolor fashion montage that appears halfway through it. Well, color me educated (see what I did there?).

David Frum cautions that the real threat to our democracy is not in, “…corrosion, not crisis. In a crisis, of course we’ll all be heroes—or so we assure ourselves. But in the muddy complexity of the slow misappropriation of the state for self-interested purposes, occasions for heroism do not present themselves.”

So help me god, 2018, if you take Trebek from us

In Mormon news, the president of the LDS church passed away last week, and this write up from Harvard Divinity School is an excellent explanation as to why his ministry was important to the faith, what happens next in the organization, and what happened during his stewardship of the church.

Truly, which of us couldn’t use some more executive time?

This story on literal muckraking is great.

Senator Feinstein released transcripts of the interview of the man whose research firm was behind the infamous Steele Dossier, it’s a long read but political junkies should read it. Here’s ongoing NPR analysis for the pressed-for-time.

This take on the whole Fire and Fury situation and what the book reveals (he argues, whatever errors or faults in contains) by Ezra Klein of Vox *feels* fundamentally correct to me. It’s also weirdly sad, or it would be were not the stakes so damn high.

Wow, Steve. 2018 came at you fast, huh?

Hey! Some good news about the planet!

I like this list of things to declutter from your life in 2018.

A while back, as the sexual assault conversation was ramping up, a list made headlines. Created by an anonymous founder it was called the “Shitty Media Men” list and documented anonymous woman-to-woman heads up about potential bosses or work situations they might want to avoid. It broke into wider consciousness when it was discovered and shared on reddit. The thinkpieces, attacks, and defenses flowed. This past week on Twitter reports surfaced that the magazine Harper’s intended to publish a piece that revealed or “doxxed” the identity of the original creator. Feminist Twitter flew into a frenzy with writers pulling their pieces from the magazine and calls to protect the identity of this woman since backlashes against women have been so historically vicious and awful (see: Gamergate). But then…the creator of the list unveiled herself instead in The Cut. I have no idea what the backlash is going to be but I choose to read something into this decision and attribute it to the moment where women are collectively deciding that past terror cannot dictate future action.

And finally the president managed yet another revealing statement when he apparently referred to immigrant hopefuls from the global south, and Haiti and African nations in particular, as undesirable candidates for citizenship. I’m of course cleaning up his own language which was news-breakingly vulgar. 

All I can say is that I’m thrilled Mr. Trump cancelled his visit to London, as I was fully intending to protest and now I don’t need to request time off for that. I’m also endlessly bemused at how he lacks even the most basic grasp of history and facts (in this case regarding the plans and timeline of the new US embassy). I didn’t expect much from him, but does no one on his staff brief him on anything? At least one ambassador has resigned and several more have been summoned to their various host governments to explain the inexplicable.

And finally, Roxanne Gay has a word of warning.

Dad, Skip This One (or, I Got an IUD and We’re Going to Talk About It)

“Woman must have her freedom, the fundamental freedom of choosing whether or not she will be a mother and how many children she will have. Regardless of what man’s attitude may be, that problem is hers — and before it can be his, it is hers alone. She goes through the vale of death alone, each time a babe is born. As it is the right neither of man nor the state to coerce her into this ordeal, so it is her right to decide whether she will endure it.” 
― Margaret Sanger, Woman and the New Race

Late last year I decided to switch my birth control to an IUD, which was a less common option available to me when I was first considering it nearly a decade ago. It’s becoming more normal, but still isn’t fully normalized among some groups so I thought, hey! We haven’t had a massively controversial topic here on SDS in a minute (…unless you are one of my more conservative readers, in which case, hi, I’m really glad you’re here! Thank you for putting up with my almost weekly exasperated political grumpiness). Why don’t we talk about one woman’s experience in controlling her fertility, thanks to a socialist system of medicine. That will bring people together!

Honestly, though, it’s worth talking about because I think IUDs should be a more common option than they are in some areas of the world. When I first went on birth control in the US, I timidly asked my then-doctor if it was an option only to be scolded that it wasn’t something I should consider. I kind of wish I had pressed the issue, but as I didn’t have massive complaints about my experience with the pill at the time, I stayed on it for nearly nine years.

Image via Pexels

In order to get an IUD I had to first discuss the option at a normal appointment, book a secondary appointment with a specialist to talk through the pros, cons, and risks of the procedure, and then book a third appoint to actually have the device inserted. It sounds a bit obnoxious, but I appreciate the amount of effort the NHS puts into informing and preparing patients for this birth control option. There are hormonal versions and non-hormonal ones, each with unique common side effects, and there are risks to any kind of invasive procedure, so arming yourself with information and asking a boat load of questions is not just encouraged, it was practically compulsory. I went through my series of appointments and scheduled the final one over the Christmas break to allow my body to go through any of the symptoms I was warned I could experience.

Everyone’s experience is unique but typically the insertion procedure more difficult for for women who have never given birth, and sure enough, mine was not a walk in the park. It turns out that deliberately inserting something in the opposite direction nature intended things to move, through an orifice designed to stay closed until another human forces its way out–not easy! It took multiple attempts and I bless my doctor for for being willing to keep trying and talking me through the process and options. I handled the process with my usual style and grace: doing my best to crack jokes to mask my awkwardness and making conversation while stripped from the waist down as the doctor became intimately acquainted with my internal workings. The high point (or low depending on your point of view) was when the doctor, several instruments and intrusions into the procedure, suddenly exclaimed, “What on earth is that?” causing me to demand, “What’s wrong?” in a squeaky and alarmed voice. She burst out laughing and apologized, saying that she had overheard someone raising their voices in the hall and everything…of mine…was a-ok. I chuckled weakly and did my best to calm down.

The sensations were mostly discomfort with flashes of intense-discomfort-bordering-on-pain-but-not-quite. Pre-warned by friends, my GP, and plenty of research I came to the appointment armed with over the counter painkillers and was able to breathe through the worst of the poking and prodding. My procedure was longer than the average appointment, but the doctor built in time for a bit of recovery and monitoring in-office, which I appreciated.

After my innards had gotten over the initial shock (and I use that phrase seriously; my uterus had several questions about the situation and was making its discomfort known through some vigorous cramps) my GP took my blood pressure. It was nicely spiked, which is apparently a good thing because it turns out that for reasons not fully understood, the female human heart rate tends to plummet when you poke her in the cervix. Bodies are weird.

Fellow uterus-bearing types: be smarter than me. If you have transportation, and more importantly a designated driver, use this resource.

After my heart rate returned to normal and I felt pretty calm, I walked home the blessedly short distance between my GP and my flat. This was probably a mistake. At my normal pace this is a brisk, five minute jaunt and I had some vague motion that easy movement would help me “settle” my new internal friend in a gentle way. I was a fool, it was the slowest, saddest walk you can imagine. My steps were about four inches in length–anything more strident than that and I experienced intense muscular twinges from my knees to my shoulders–and very small movements triggered cramps that are on par with the most serious menstrual cramps I’ve ever experienced.

Again, I wouldn’t classify what I was experiencing as pain. The best way I can describe it is as a full court press of discomfort. My body had experienced something invasive and highly unusual and every part of me from my uterus to my lizard brain was clearly trying to adjust to a series of new sensations. It’s not unheard of for the body to expel the device for some women on their first try using it as their primary birth control method, and this was my most immediate paranoid concern.

By the time I shuffled slowly through the front door, I felt exhausted and achy all over. Jeff immediately tucked me into bed where, thanks to continuing full body cramps, I stayed there for the better part of two days. It might sound foolish, but I honestly believe I was going through some kind of wussy version of shock as I was a bit floaty for those two days and slept heavily. I was also advised to take it slow for a few days to allow my uterus to adjust to a foreign body, so things like exercise were cautioned against until I felt fighting fit.

But wait, there was more! The procedure triggered an early arrival of my period and kicked off an additional week of uneven spotting (both are very normal side effects and ones I had been prepped for by my GP). I was advised that spotting could occur intermittently for a few weeks but thus far I’ve not experienced anything past that first week of adjustment. In fact I’ve had no other negative side effects at all: my skin has remained even and healthy, which I was lucky enough to have before I went on the pill years ago, and after that first few days of wild physical and strangely emotional sensations, everything has leveled out.

So, why did I do it?

Image via Pexels

A few reasons. Though there is no scientific evidence to suggest that the pill contributes to weight gain or difficulty with weight loss, there is a lot of anecdotal content from people who believe that hormonal birth control contributed to their weight in some way. As for me, I’m not sure. My weight changed after I went on the pill all those years ago and whether this was due solely to the lifestyle change of getting married and living with a guy who consumes approximately seventeen times as many calories a day as me, or was influenced by other factors I cannot say for sure. But my weight started going up at about the same time I went on my prescription/got married and for the past nine years no matter how healthy I was eating or how regularly I was exercising (every day at my most dedicated), I never lost what I had gained. I’ve made some diet changes recently, about the same time I went off the pill…and I’ve lost nearly 10lbs in under a month with no other changes to my day to day life. It’s purely anecdotal and personal to me, but I’m very happy to see a dramatic positive shift even if it’s temporary or plateaus in some way.

I also suspected, and I discussed the possibility at length with my doctor, that the pill might have been contributing to the frequency of my migraines. These attacks have become more frequent in recent years and as time went on I found them getting closer and closer together.  Changes in your levels of female sex hormones are a possible trigger for migraines, so it seemed possible that the medication that regulates my hormones might have something to do with the pattern of these attacks. Then again, stress also triggers migraines for me so a number of factors could be at play here. Again, the science is still evolving on this, and again, I discussed this with my doctor across several appointments in considering switching up my birth control methods. Ultimately we decided to try a non-hormonal option to see if there were any changes. About a month later, I’ve yet to have another migraine attack.

Finally, removal of an IUD is a fairly easy procedure and if you’re on a non-hormonal option as I chose, your normal fertility is restored almost instantly. Meaning that if and when we decide my husband and I want to try and start a family, I won’t have to go through a process of weaning my body off hormones first. An option that was instantly effective upon insertion and is instantly negated on removal appeals to me.

So all in all, this first foray into addressing a couple of health concerns this year seems to be going okay and the decisions seems like it was a good one so far. It was worth it for me to take a few days discomfort in exchange for a non hormonal method of birth control that’s over 99% effective, lasts up to ten years, and doesn’t require a daily medication. I did a lot of research into it as an option and am lucky to enjoy a health system that offers it as an option and takes providing me with it as a serious matter worthy of informative sessions with specialists.

The comments are open: if you feel like sharing an experience in making a major health decision, please do so. I’m interested in hearing how people choose to take control of their health or wellbeing and as there are about 7 billion bodies on the planet, I suspect there are 7 billion stories out there about choices, consequences, and information to share. 

Weekend Links

“The more wonderful the means of communication, the more trivial, tawdry, or depressing its contents seemed to be.” 
― Arthur C. Clarke, 2001: A Space Odyssey

Season Two of the Trump Show kicked off this week! Will he pick a fight with Pakistan? Will he get in a metaphorical **** measuring competition with a global leader via nuclear warfare and the various buttons associated thereto? Will he deride climate change just before a weather pattern classified as a “bomb cyclone” (because even the weather is being extra now) hits the East Coast? Will a scandalous exposé drop, written by a questionable author, about a questionably honest man, featuring questionably honest sources? Will his former arch rival’s house catch fire?

Plot twist! The answer to all of these questions is yes!

Buckle up, we’ve got 51 weeks still to go!

I really liked this piece from Medium on how one millenial guy took steps to combat the oft-cited malaise many my age report experiencing. His ending on euthymia really touched something for me.

This list of little pleasures to seek in 2018 was nice to read.

This technology news seems…super not great?

The Trump-breaks-with-Bannon-or-maybe-vice-versa news moved quick, as did Mr. Trump’s lawyers. They went after the publisher as well. The publisher subsequently (ie, a few hours later) decided to release the book early due to skyrocketing demands.

Welp

WELP

“I am the picture of Dorian Kardashian,” writes R. Eric Thomas satirically, channeling us all in this strange pop-culture-political moment. I laugh cried reading this.

I am VERY here for the throwback vibe of the latest Bruno Mars and Cardi B!

More reasons to get excited about Black Panther, team.

Why women don’t speak up, part seven million. Here’s her verified GoFundMe campaign, if you are so inclined.

Color me enraged but not shocked to read that a female politician may be too flagrantly ambitious or openly want the job…to have the job…? God damn it, people, we just did this!

I’m on Team Remnick here. It was an open secret that Harvey Weinstein was trash, it’s an equally open secret that Mr. Trump is unfit for the office. We may bicker about the technicalities of that unfitness…but that to me only reinforces just HOW unfit he is that there are OPTIONS to choose from.

How I Spent My Christmas Holiday

“Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort.” 
― Jane Austen

In a word, or rather three: on the couch.

It was great!

There is something so nice about doing very little in the dead of winter. Jeff and I had a few ideas about trying to travel for Christmas but after honestly assessing our bank account and savings goals, we binned that notion and opted for a staycation instead. I thought we we would be pleasantly lazy as a result but even I was surprised at how busy we weren’t. Full disclosure, there were multiple days when we didn’t even leave the house. In a row.

It was ridiculously good for me, I haven’t been that relaxed in a very long time.

It’s easy to vilify laziness, but I’m learning how important it can be to me as a type A person. I very, very seldom manage (much less give myself the opportunity) to switch off and I’ve written before on the toll this has taken on my physical and mental health in the past; I have more than once literally worked myself sick. I’m determined not to do that this year.

Are you good at switching off or do you struggle with it like me? Lend me your best relaxation techniques in the comments and help a girl maintain her newfound chill!

2018 Pre-Gaming

“Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.” 
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym

I am already hyped about a few things this year that I thought were worth listing. What are you looking forward to this year, kittens? Let’s start 2018 on a hopeful or at least ambitious note.

Hamilton 
Did I buy tickets nearly a whole year in advance? You’re goddamn right I did.

Travel
Jeff and I want to try and hit at least two dream destinations this year, finances permitting. In a perfect work we’ll make it to Amsterdam, Iceland, and Morocco. In reality, who knows!

My Next No Buy Challenge
We had a fairly modest Christmas with a nice present each, and are back on austerity again. Jeff is experimenting with our household budget and we are both tracking our spending the way I did for my Money Month project this time last year. We’re continuing to focus on paying off remaining debt and being more aggressive about building our savings. I’ve come to enjoy these challenges and this, my third of four, will hopefully be the easiest one yet.

More Reading
I’m probably not going to read 100 books again this year…but you never know, a girl can be ambitious.

Makeup Challenges
Believe it or not, I’ve committed to not buying any new makeup this year, unless I’m replacing something I’ve used up. Longtime readers will know that this…is going to take some focus for me. Beauty is my thing. It’s my safety blanket, the most potent hit of dopamine my brain can get. That’s precisely why I’m limiting myself this year and committing to use up what I already own. I used up a whole bullet of lipstick last month and it was so satisfying, that’s the consumer high I’d like to chase this year instead. I’ll occasionally do empties posts and will report back at the end of the year as to how well I do in curbing my spending, and how much I use up.

Visits To/From Friends
Because I’m totally pressuring Katarina to come to London this year. After having X for a week, I’ve decided I need more time with my girls, I miss them dreadfully.

Hilarious cartoon by the great and good Sarah Andersen.