Tag: Humor

Humor, Work

And in the Meantime, Life Goes On

“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

As excited as I am about our move (and as daunted by the still colossal amount of work we have to do), life goes on here at the police department.

During summer campus is divided up between sports campus, youth groups, lecturers, exhibitions, and (of course) the Mob of Idiots.  Officers debate which of these events are the most stressful to work, but I find I get the best stories out of the kids running around.

Kids. If I ever run out of ideas, maybe I'll spawn a few.

However, nothing will beat the day many summers ago when I was interning at NATO.  It was the one day a year the embassy was open to school groups and a small horde of five year olds were invading to be led around, fed cookies, and meet the ambassador.  Halfway through their visit, alarms went off.  Someone had threatened the compound with a bomb.

We had several procedures in place for this sort of thing.  We dismantled our computers and locked various things away in explosion proof safes and lockers as per normal.  The soldiers were supposed to come through and verify that everything was secure before exiting.  I say “supposed to” because in reality they were suddenly charged with herding scores of excited children towards the nearest exit (“Is this a fire drill?  A bomb threat?  Cool!”).  I’ve never seen so many brawny, overly muscled men look so haggard.

Grad School, Humor, London, Travel

Travel Countdown Kickoff – Dirty Sexy Money

“Money is only a tool.  It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.”
– Ayn Rand

Alright, minions, so you want to live/go to school in a foreign country (or in my case a “foreign” country, emphasis on the air quotes)?  Where to start?  The answer, as it so often is: It’s About the Money, Stupid.

Know your numbers, research them exhaustively.  Are you going to be able to work?  Do you have to show any amount of money in order to get a visa?  How do you plan on financing your jaunt abroad?  Where will that financing come from?  Living expenses, travel expenses, school expenses, and of course the all-important play money, all of this has to be taken into account.

If it seems daunting, good.  Know exactly what you’re getting into.  I’ve had friends who have bankrupted themselves with studying abroad and just-for-fun travel because they failed utterly to examine what they were undertaking financially.  Even good, lovely, enriching, and personally fulfilling things cost money sometimes, kittens, and only a fool jumps in without a few honest conversations with themselves.

Money makes the world go round, and you go round the world if you're smart about it.

When J. and I were discussing whether or not to go to the UK for school, we had to take a lot of things into account, but the biggest factor was money. We ultimately decided that the prestige of the school, the benefits of international education in an increasingly globalized world, and the (we admit) awesomeness of the opportunity were worth the debt. We always knew we’d have to take out loans for grad school, but going abroad means we’ll be taking on nearly three times as much…and we did not do that lightly. J.’s program is only one year, if it had been more , in all likelihood we would have chosen a US school. Yes, I would have pouted for a few minutes, and then got to work financing that move instead. I’m a do-er.

So, when you’re looking at traveling or studying abroad, be honest about your expectations and resources.  It’s possible to go on very little money, just as it’s possible to spend several times more than you anticipated if you don’t have a plan.  So formulate one.
  1. Do your research, find out exactly what financial requirements you will need to meet academically, for travel, for living, for personal expenses (like food.  Food is important, do NOT forget to factor in food.  I had a good friend do this and did she feel sheepish eating nothing but digestives for days at a time!), and play.
  2. Make sure, after you tally this number, that you account for a little extra.  Murphy’s Law of Travel will mean that accidents and setbacks will occur occasionally, be prepared to meet them.
  3. Know the exchange rate!  When Kiri, Marie, Eliza, AbFab, and I all joined forces living in London, we knew that everyone was more expensive than it looked (a £10 burger actually meant that we’d spent closer to $20 [USD] on our bank statements).  Thus we ate out smartly.  Some of our compatriots ran out of money by foolishly forgetting to convert currencies before impulse purchases.  Learn from their fail, minions.
  4. Secure your finances and funding in good time, last minute scrambles could result in deportation, ending up on the wrong continent, or academic-induced starvation.
  5. Do not, under any circumstances, enter into debt without a game plan of how to get out of it quickly, intelligently, and without damage to your credit score!

Alright, turtledoves, sound off!  What other tidbits can you offer for the would-be scholar/traveler abroad when it comes to financial planning?

Grad School, Humor, London, School, Travel, University

Let’s Move

“If I’ve been here a long time, I think: I must go to London and speak to someone or see a bus.”
– Julian Clary

As a result of our recent announcement (to recapitulate: LONDON!), and as you have probably rightly assumed, we are going to be busy for the next few months.  Saving money, getting visas, selling most of what we own, packing up what’s left – horrifyingly, delightfully busy.  Travel junkie and pro that I am, I’m already straining at the lead to get started.

And so, we’re going to be having a theme here at Small Dog Inc. for the next 3 – 4 months: upping sticks.  We’ll be talking paperwork, packing, selling stuff, and about adventures abroad (past and future).

As you may recall, I’ve rather extensive experience in the matters of cross continental hops, but why shouldn’t you get to participate in the fun?  Vicariously, I mean, I would never ask it of you to haul furniture and sort kitchen utensils!  I have better uses for such lovely minions as yourselves than manual labor.  In fact, here’s an assignment, email me your travel tips and misadventures starting now, everyone’s invited to this blog party and I want to feature you and your good ideas and stories.

So sit back and enjoy the fun, my darlings!  I’m going to be asking your opinions on many things so do participate.  I will even try and get some of my mates to do guest posts about moving and their adventures abroad.  And when the boxes tumble and crush me, all of the appliances break last minute as we are trying to sell them, the car needs last minute repairs that wipe out our savings, and the locusts eat all our crops, you will be the first to know.

Grad School, Humor, London, Travel

Unconditional Offer

“Curiosity may have killed the cat but it sure has earned a lot of people graduated degrees.”
– Robyn Irving

By artist Blanca Gomez. Click for more of her charming work. And yes, you better believe I bought one for myself!

It’s official!  Barring misfiling of paperwork, collapse of government, and/or the continual eruptions of Icelandic volcanoes…we are going to the U.K. for grad school!  We got an unconditional offer in the mail yesterday, and J. is in at the London School of Economics!  Let me tell you, just when I think that man can’t get any more impressive…he rises.

A part of me is sad, we had several offers and many of them would have taken us closer to family and friends (now I must wait even longer to try Janssen’s various and impressive selections of homemade ice cream)…but a bigger part of me is selfishly thrilled.  We get to have one last adventure before we “grow up” and I get to go home.

I’ve been homesick for England for years now and it’s almost surreal to realize we’ll be going back.  After getting home from visiting my parents over Christmas two years ago, as you may recall, I had a minor breakdown and J. promised that someday he would get me home.  And, behold.  He’s actually been pretty smug about it, saying he’s off the hook now in our marriage for at least a decade.  But Scarlett pointed out that he’s actually set a dangerous precedent for himself as it regards me: all major wishes fulfilled within two years, guaranteed!

Information forthcoming, darlings, as my entire focus is going to be on our move this Fall, so watch this space.  And for the record, any and all of you are welcome!  Come and visit!  You can sleep on the floor of our studio flat (heck, if we really like you we’ll even give up our bed for you!) and we’ll take you around the city.  I’ve got a great crepe place you need to try, plus the best cheese shop in the United Kingdom.  We’ll catch a couple shows in the West End, or even just find a nice patch of sun in Hyde Park and gossip before taking afternoon tea together.  And yes, I am serious.  You are expected.

Humor, Work

When It Rains…etc. etc. etc.

There exists somewhere the real quote but for the life of me, I can’t find it.  Here’s a rough overview.  “When God wants to punish someone, he gives them what they asked for.”
– poorly paraphrased by C.

For myself, I’m sort of wishing the world had spun off into the screaming void.  Mondays often have that effect on me, but today has been particularly challenging, pumpkins.

Ever since the term ended I have been literally begging for more work to do, and finally Lt. Citrus informed me that I would be assisting him to prepare for a campus showcase in which our department would participate.  My delight quickly turned to dismay when it transpired that I would be in charge of making posters and handout cards in the hundreds.  Why dismay, you ask?  Because in order to get these made in the cheapest way possible I would have to use the campus print and copy center.

Oh. I beg to differ.

Only someone who has spent the hours I have – cutting out hundreds of laminated booklets, having packets made up (only to have an officer come to me hours later and say that he now wanted another version instead – after approving the first version multiple times), stamping, printing, reconfiguring, scanning, and weeping – can comprehend the sense of futility the print and copy center brings me.  I am inevitably helped by a well meaning but still-being-trained-sorry! freshman who can’t operate the machinery.  The power goes out in the middle of a massive scanning job.  Against all odds and common sense my projects are cut the wrong way sending half pages (containing words and data!) into a garbage bin.

Already they have had to reprint the posters I requested because they came out with myriad ink lines streaking them – the employee didn’t notice these glaring gashes of black and blue – and they have had to re-cut 500 cards.  And to cap it all off, as I was coming back to the office, the heavens opened and the rain.  Came.  Down.

Sigh.  Cheer me up, ducklings, any fun stories of customer service?

Friends, Humor, Work

The End of the World – And I Feel Fine

“And after this there is void.  Absolutely nothing…except, of course, for the sweet trolley and our fine selection of Aldebaran liqueurs.  And now, at the risk of putting a damper on the wonderful sense of doom and futility here, well I’d like to welcome a few parties.”
– Douglas Adams

Barring those who have, in fact, been living under rocks you will no doubt be aware that according to some, the End Times kick off tomorrow.  Sorry about those brand new, still green bananas you bought and the fact that you just cleaned your house.  I, for one, am disappointed.  Where are the zombies?!

Editor’s Note:  Here they are.  In theory.  I wish more survival classes had been taught with a dash of humor.

In any event, no I am not one of those who thinks the world will collapse into the screaming blackness of nothing tomorrow morning.  But it’s a slow day at work, minions, and so Wise and I banded together and sold Susie on the idea of an End of the World/Zombie Apocalypse/It’s Friday party.  Cupcakes provided.

Anyone have a good “End of the World” story to share?  Here’s one.  My family never freaked out about Y2K and generally found the panic rather funny.  A couple neighbors tried to warn us of the perils that awaited (some religious, some not) but we politely thanked them for their concern and went along as usual.  The evening of December 31st, my parents went off to their normal New Years’ Eve party and Peregrine came over to help me babysit my siblings.  After they’d gone to bed we stayed up watching old monster movies (Godzilla featured heavily) and black and white films.  When midnight came we annoyed all our neighbors by running into the yard and shouting, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Then, quite suddenly, there was a massive, crashing roll of thunder right over our house and a crack of lightening.  We glanced at each other.
“D’you think…?”
“Nope.  But…”
“Back inside?”
“Yes!”

See you Monday, kittens.

Humor, Work

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring

“Let’s just go walking in the rain.”
– Billie Holiday

I only wish I was snoring, dumplings!  Spring has really lingered this year – which I don’t mind in the least.  I hate that the American West catapults from blizzards to blazing several times in the same week.  If we can put off broiling heat for another month, I’ll enjoy the downpour.  It’s been going for three days now with little sign of stopping.

The only thing that I don’t like about rain is that I’m an adult and can’t go play in puddles, I have to be responsible and sit at a desk that’s nowhere near a window so I can’t even get a whiff of that fabulous rain smell.  Rainy days should not be spent at work, they should be spent at home in comfy pajama pants with a cup of tea or hot chocolate and a book.

Family, Humor, Weekend

Week. End.

“I’ve ridden the tiger ragged.  That tiger, it’s rolled over on its blazing back and put up its paws and just asked me to stop.”
– Glenn Duncan, I Lucifer

Dumplings…I’m exhausted.  Well and truly, body aching, felt like I haven’t slept for days, worn out.  Most weekends J. and I do some grocery shopping, clean the house, and take a nap on Sunday – usually falling asleep, watching Planet Earth, to the soothing voice of David Attenborough.  Relaxing, yes?

Well, this weekend we had a dinner/movie date with Angel and Hotty on Friday night, crashed at my in-laws’ house in the city so that I could be up in the morning and head over to my godparents house.  Pieter and the clan all made it home after their jaunt abroad and Fairy, naturally, was throwing a party.  Saturday was spent hauling rocks, re-mulching flower beds, scrubbing the vinyl fence free of bird droppings, powerwashing said fence, and running about a million errands.  J. went golfing with Atticus.  Punk.

Thankfully my in-laws took pity on me and fed us dinner that night because I was so tired I nearly fell asleep in my curry.  Of course, I compounded the problem by staying up late to watch Dr. Who, but you don’t judge me for that, do you, kittens?  No.  We understand one another.

Sunday we were up with the sun and back over to the godparents’ to slice up watermelon, buy ice, dump lemon slices in water pitchers, stuff croissants with ham and cheese, and arrange artisan cookies on trays.  Fairy throws parties!  A few hours later the house was crammed to bursting and I was playing with Elle on the trampoline, chatting with GS and GBIL about their time in Paris, and acquiring a rather nasty sunburn on my neck.

An absolutely stellar weekend, minions, but one which I will require another weekend to recover from…

Do not disturb.


Health, Humor, Husband, Working Out

Jillian Michaels Is As Evil As She Seems

“I came the simple way, down the stairs.”
“Down the stairs?  To Ursa Minor?  Hey, you must be unbelievably fit.”
– Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy

On the recommendation of a coworker, a rather impressive sister-in-law, and over a thousand Amazon customers, I picked up Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred.  Amusingly, the DVD case got worked over in the mail and it arrived, ahem, shredded!  (Guffaw)

The DVD itself runs just fine, but that’s more than can be said for us.  J. pushed himself too hard the first day we did it and lost his dinner rather inelegantly.  I’ve been unable to walk without wobbling a bit for the past few days,.  Iimagine a more than usually ungainly penguin bobbing back and forth across the ice and you’ll have some idea what I look like going up and down stairs.

My bum hurts.

In other words, it’s working.  I’m determined to be extremely fit by the time we go off to grad school!

Family, Humor

Mum’s the Word

“At the risk of being crass, Mum, you do realize that you kick ass, right?”
“I do, don’t I!”
– C., Mum

A belated post on my Mum, because I spent yesterday talking on the phone to her and having dinner at my in-laws’, like a good daughter should!

1.  Mum, you were horribly, obnoxiously right about piano lessons.  I’m glad you sat on my head for ten years so I could realize I liked them.  I wish I had practiced more.

2.  Thanks for letting me quit ballet.   I regret doing it and I miss it, but that teacher was evil.  You got me out of a bad situation, and taught me long term the value of really knowing how much I can take.

3.  You taught me how to cook.  I’ll never love it, but let me tell you, when I put my mind to it, even you would be impressed with what I can whip up!

4.  You taught me how to stand up for myself and that sometimes it’s necessary to be a vicious, biting wench when it comes to sticking up for friends, family, and principles.

5.  You also taught me to be a lady, and that it was more than sitting up straight, keeping my elbows off the table, and knowing which fork to use with which course (even though you were pretty good about covering those too).  It’s that my actions directly affect everyone I come in contact with, and I’d better behave accordingly.  I’m still working on this one, but I have high hopes for myself.

6.  You taught by example that my education doesn’t ever end, and must be aggressively sought throughout life.  Three degrees, four kids, ten moves across countries and continents, two dogs, and Cambridge later, you’re still learning and teaching.

7.  You taught me the importance of belief and faith, even when it’s unpopular and hard, and that no set of principles is worth having if it’s not worth questioning, struggling over, and occasionally taking that Indiana Jones step into nothing.

8.  You always trusted me, with school, boys, work, high school, and my own opinions.  You gave advice when I asked for it, and let me go my own merry way when I didn’t.  This quiet confidence in me kept me straight like helicopter parenting never could.  Clever you.

9.  More Dior, less Disney.  Best lesson ever.

I stand by what I said, Mum, you totally kick ass.

Love,
Your Not Quite Perfectly Ladylike But Getting There Thanks to You Daughter