Tag: Humor

Thanksgiving

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
― Jon Stewart

Going home for the holidays is always so restful for me – sure a tiff or two might crop up, but they’re rare, usually solved with a tussle or a game, and the food more than makes up for it. Besides my house is the only place where the following conversation could take place and everyone would think it was normal:

Me, to Buddy: “You needed a fez for that.”
Buddy: “I know, but I couldn’t find one.”
Dad: “What do you mean?  I have a fez.”
Buddy (incensed): “How did I not know this!”
Dad (matter-of-factly): “Not my fault.  You have never asked me if I had a fez.”

A typical Autumn evening with the Small Dog clan.

This image of my brothers might provide some visual clarity to our collective mental state.

This year the turkey surprised us all by finishing a full two hours ahead of schedule (seriously, we’re baffled, we’ve only ever experienced the opposite) and we had to scramble and mobilize all the troops to get things finished and the table set for our feast.  But all was well!

It is not possible that you could sense this through the screen, kittens, but these are the two best pies in creation – both recipes family secrets – and I will fight anyone who says differently.

These pies were the source of much hilarity.  You see, that pie on the right is my mother’s rightly famous one, and she has always had very particular ideas about how it should be done.  Namely, there is normally a piece of dough fashioned in the shape of autumn leaves that it left on top and bakes nicely into the pumpkin filling (made, traditionally, from the remains of our Halloween jack-o’lanterns).  The last time we were there for Thanksgiving my mother, upon realizing that she had popped the pie in the oven without it’s customary finishing leaf, whipped up a special batch of dough just to put the darn thing on.  This year I pointed out that the leaf was missing and she tossed her head with a magnificent, “Whatever!”

The road to our land, loving referred to as The Estate.

My father’s land is also the source of some hilarity for me, but perhaps I’ll save that for another post.  It’s his pride and joy.  When he first bought it, the handful of acres that weren’t forest were covered in brush taller than I was at the time.  Now he has several cleared acres that support his berry bushes, a small orchard in the making, and plans for a pond.  He was born in the wrong century, he was meant to be a gentleman farmer.

Fun fact about our land, American Founding Father Patrick Henry had his first job as a lawyer in our town, the road he walked to get to work runs across our property, and won his first election to represent the county locally.  Also, the parents of J. Sargeant Reynolds (of the aluminum fame) are supposedly buried somewhere on our property as well, though we don’t have a lot of proof for that one.  There are an amazing amount of old houses (with fantastic estate names) and many of the families have been in the area for generations (and a handful for centuries) so many properties have private family cemeteries on them – but alas for the Reynolds, they’ll only be discovered if we ever break ground for a house or something.

Dad’s latest project is bee-keeping. And those little guys are prolific, we have several pounds of wild honey stored in the basement.

That J. and I have puppy lust is already well documented, but he compounded the problem by spending the entire vacation playing with Mika, supplanting all of us in her affections by tummy rubs, sneaking her treats, and taking her for runs.  The man needs a dog.  We also went out to play with Maxi and Niney, the dogs on our property to keep it deer and bear free.  Oh, and a bear apparently lives in a copse behind a house just up the street from my parents and likes to set all the neighborhood pets off at night by wandering around.

One of the dogs frolicking.

A week of doing next to nothing means that in the eternal balance of things, I’m now absolutely swamped at work.  The continued lack of a replacement for Officer Lampost really is affecting my ability to work as effectively as I would like (which is a much less whiny way of saying that I had a twenty minute lunch break on Monday and Tuesday, and still had to stay after a full two hours on the latter to just get through my list of things to do).  Vacation is over, friends, and no mistake!  Luckily, I’m working on a few projects I’m really interested in and my work seems to be impressing several of my bosses, so onward towards Christmas, minions.

Friday Links XLII (Walking Wounded)

“Heat prickled my cheeks. My palms went clammy. Love is a lot like food poisoning.”
― Suzanne Supplee, Artichoke’s Heart

Yes, hotels.com guy, I really do.

Where have I been, you ask, kittens?  Oh, just comatose with food poisoning for two days and run off my feet for the other three days at work trying to get everything done before I go tromping off to the woods next week.  Poor J. spent his birthday sick as a dog with a wife who couldn’t walk much less take him out to dinner.  Since I haven’t had so much as a lunch break since I got back on my feet, much less gone home on time, and we still have to pack before our 5am flight tomorrow: here are your links, none of them particularly worthwhile, because Aunty C.’s brain is fried.  Amuse yourselves and be quiet.  We’ll report from the homestead next week – if you’re good and we’re conscious.

Cute!

This handy list brought to me by a friend who lives in Germany now, and which I (having once lived in Germany) find hysterical.

It was Veterans’ Day and Remembrance Sunday this past week, there are many generations of military service in my family and the price is often high.  Here’s an article about some of the realities and treatments of shell shock after WWI – because I think it’s important to see and know the effects of war.

Here’s some slightly more poetic tragedy.  Someday that brilliant city will have be visited only by scuba gear.

Zsa Zsa Gabor – equal parts insightful, and round the twist.

Google brings us a tour of the galaxy.

J. actually requested I pick up some Ding Dongs on the way home from work, because apparently his grief needs to be drowned in Hostess foods to commemorate their downfall.   Thoughts on the end of the brand?

Last week a childhood book, this week a tribute to a childhood movie!

And apparently, everyone in government is sexing everyone else these days (allowing both politicians and large chunks of the media to avoid talking about, you know, the governance of the country) and Stephen Colbert takes us through it in his usual style.

The weekly sheep.

Friday Links XLI

‘They gave it me,’ Humpty Dumpty continued thoughtfully as he crossed one knee over the other and clasped his hands round it, ‘they gave it me — for an un-birthday present.’
‘I beg your pardon?’ Alice said with a puzzled air.
‘I’m not offended,’ said Humpty Dumpty.
‘I mean, what is an un-birthday present?’
‘A present given when it isn’t your birthday, of course.’
– Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll

We just stumbled in the door from J.’s pre-birthday festivities, which involved a lovely dinner, cake at his sister’s, and rather copious amounts of our nieces and nephews beating the tar out of us.  As the resident childless aunt and uncle, our sole purpose in their eyes is to entertain them and we have a lot of fun doing so – although the bruises do accumulate.  We’re stuffed with cake so here are your links and happy weekend to you!

You guys, my childhood!  Did anyone else read and love this book?

Amen, Turkey.

This bird is determined to not be bothered.  He might be my hero after this fraught election week.

I agree wholeheartedly with the title.

Kate Beaton’s history quizzes fill me with nerd joy.

Quirky vegetables produce (pun!) much the same reaction.

And when they were done, they took the best bits with them and put them in museums in London.  For which I am personally grateful, but secretly a bit guilty about.

I’m seriously excited about the new Bond movie.  And honestly the thing that made me wild to see it was the moment on the trailer when he swings into a half exploded train and straightens his cuff.  Class.  Sexy, sexy class.  In honor of the franchise’s 50th anniversary, I give you this to play with.  Submit your best ones in the comments.

In honor of the recent election.

The weekly sheep.

And we’re going to bed.

On Notice

“The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones.”
~Gabirol (Solomon ben Yehuda ibn Gabirol), The Choice of Pearls

It may be true that the general attitude of Small Dog Enterprises is, “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me,” but today I’m calling it, minions.

Calm it the hell down.

The ridiculous political hyperbole, predictions about the end of the society/religion/freedom/whatever, slimy gloating over a rival’s defeat, threats to move to another county/state/country, and especially the nasty comments calling for overthrow, revolution, and apparently the death of not a few elected individuals (shame on you!), all make the problems we face worse.

Knock it off.

Stop trying to out scream the opposite of whatever team you’re on and express a little patriotism and loyalty.  Commit to continuing to make your voice heard in the political process and stop calling each other Fascist/baby killing/Socialists or illiterate/uninformed/hate mongers.  Constructive criticism is welcomed, well thought out reflections are encouraged – claiming the world is ending is not.  Honestly, people, a little objective perspective, please!

Minions failing to comply immediately will be sacked.  Aunty C. stayed up very late last night and woke to find a lot of nastiness swarming through her various circles (some of it directed at her) and she is in the mood to disinherit a few people.  She also hasn’t had her tea or a very filling breakfast, which as you know has lead to various unfortunate episodes in the past.

Anarchy! or Political Process!

Don’t you Remember,
The Fifth of November,
‘Twas Gunpowder Treason Day,
I let off my gun,
And made’em all run.
And Stole all their Bonfire away.
– English Bonfire Day Ballad (1742)

English minions should have spent yesterday indulging in some harmless arson to commemorate the preservation of Parliament (at least the Lords) and the failure of an assassination plot against the king.

American minions are forbidden from following their English friends in arson of any kind today, no matter how high tensions get.

And can we just have a moment to appreciate that she’s nailing that sign with a gun? It was a simpler time, kittens.

 

Friday Links XL (It was the best of times, it was…etc.)

“Anyone who says they’re not afraid at the time of a hurricane is either a fool or a liar, or a little bit of both.”
– Anderson Cooper

(image from Wikipedia)

So…Halloween was good, the hurricane was bad, and the upcoming elections are middling.  Sounds about right.  Here are your links, ducklings, equal parts frivolous and sober.

Ancient Chinese… piggy banks.

A cruel friend recently brought this to my attention, shortly after I found out about Disney buying Star Wars.  File under: please Odin, no!

We’re three weeks from descending on my family on the East Coast, and I’m beyond excited.  Sometimes you just need to hang out in the backwoods with no TV with fun people and good food.  I’m currently scouring for a good puzzle because we usually do huge ones when we get together.  The reigning favorite  is a thousand piece replica of the Sistine Chapel which just celebrated a birthday yesterday.

I am a nail polish junkie, but I have…opinions about these.  Thoughts?

I’ve been on a bit of an cosmos kick recently, reading up on some scientific research developments, reading some (very, very easy!) books on physics – my high school education was really excellent in the humanities, but terribly lacking in science and I constantly feel like I’m playing catch up.  But I find astronomy fascinating.  Here are a couple of my favorite articles found this week.

People make me tired.

Halloween has passed, but thanks to this site I’m seriously plotting for next year.

I, for one, welcome our new aquatic overlords.

How gorgeous are these shades from Ilia?  See, apart from being a polish junkie, I’m a lipstick fiend and the bolder the better.  Bang Bang is calling my name with it’s dark siren’s song…but then, so is Crimson and Clover from the 2012 line.  Poverty may make a girl willing to sacrifice, but we can still window shop!

The only thing I ever found in my fireplace was scraps of Santa’s torn pants and his boot print – planted.  This is much cooler, if slightly macabre, I think.

There are a lot of people impacted by superstorm Sandy and there are a lot of ways to help.  The Red Cross is in desperate need of blood, money, and donations.  Please consider helping out if you can!  I still can’t give blood (because of that one trip to China years ago!), but I have a couple of bags of things I was going to drop off locally that I’m going to get to the local Red Cross chapter instead.  There is no such thing as a small donation, kittens.

Friend and Favorite of the Blog, Caitlin Kelly has a personal piece on Broadside about the aftermath of Sandy that is well worth a read.  Having lived through several typhoons myself, I think her points are absolutely spot on.  You don’t know how little you can actually live on until something big comes along and makes life extremely hard.  Conversely, you realize just how dependent we are on other people (governments, companies, roads) to get those few necessities.

Last item of official business for American minions: VOTE.  If you think yours doesn’t matter, if you live in a primarily red/blue state and believe voting blue/red won’t make a difference, if you think voting is a waste of time or inconvenient – do it anyway.  It matters, and it’s important.  Vote or forfeit the right to any complaints/victory dances for four years, no exceptions.

So Close!

“I need to ask you to come over and clean my house,” Chief exclaimed when he saw my outfit today.
“Sir?”
“You’re supposed to be a cleaner, right?  Or a housekeeper?”
Quoth I, cheerfully but not without a bit of spice, “I am the exact opposite of a housekeeper.”

J. managed to use that tree to “Popeye” my forearm a bit. We are neither of us photographers.

Campus Costumes

“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”
~Author Unknown

People really get into the spirit of Halloween on our humble campus, and what’s really valued is creativity.  No “sexy Mrs. Potato Heads” here if you please, we want to see you come up with something clever!  And I fail almost every time to remember my camera.  Some bloggers live to Instagram, kittens, and I struggle with not dropping smartphones.  C’est la vie.

So far I’ve seen:

Ash Ketchem and Pikachu (of Pokemon fame), couples costume
The Doctor (as interpreted by David Tennant)
Zombies, as a group
A spider
Robin Hood
A wizard
Snow White
A bumblebee
Far too many girls in cat ears with whiskers drawn on their face
Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz
Minnie Mouse
At least three people with name tags reading “Maybe”
A Lego brick

Dressing up is something I still love and plan on enjoying until age and infirmity take me.  This year I’m Rosie the Riveter.  We’ll see if we get around to documenting it.  We can do it!

Friday Links XXXIX (Bump in the night. And some other stuff.)

“Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.”
~Dee Snider

Thanks, Ned.

It snowed for the first time the other day, and I’ve had to scrape off the car two days in a row.  As George R.R. Martin would quip, winter is coming!  We’re less than a week away from November, which means less than a month until we spend a week with my clan for Thanksgiving!  Marie and her husband James might be spending the holiday with us (you will recall that I forcibly kidnapped them and forced them to spend Christmas with us last year – or just invited them, whatever…), and Gio will be in town as well.  I cannot wait!  But, as I’m forever lecturing, one holiday at a time, let’s enjoy the last week of October and its black and orange drenched goodness first.   I found some Halloween-ish links for you this week, minions, enjoy!

This little girl is fantastic!

Here’s a lovely little program on P.G. Wodehouse, one of my favorite comedic authors, courtesy of Kate Beaton at Hark, A Vagrant! 

In a jam?  Feel bad about yourself?  Friend putting him/herself down?  Never fear!

Interesting to ponder on.

Halloween is next week, but goodness those vendors are all afire to get their Christmas decor up, eh?  If you insist on skipping holidays, minions, let’s at least keep the food traditional.

I’ve been in Paris many times before…but now I must go back.

Mum lived in Japan as a girl and collects Asian antiques and pieces to this day, so I’ve always appreciated the art.  I especially like the woodblock tradition…although (in the spirit of Halloween) I’ve got to be honest, these sort of give me the willies.

The National Trust has about a million Pintrest boards, but this one is seasonal appropriate, I feel.

Speaking of, murder spot uncovered?  Paging Scarlett!

Let’s laugh at the expense of these gentlemen, shall we?

The weekly sheep, gearing up for Halloween.

Who’s In Charge Here?

“Children have one kind of silliness, as you know, and grown-ups have another kind.”
– C.S. Lewis

J. and I both had, “Oh dear, we’re grown up…” moments last night.

J.’s experience was in a grocery store where he heard two girls talking about graduating, and they looked so young! “There are full grown adults,” he said, with some resignation in his voice, “who are younger than us.”

This is a pretty surprising thing, to be honest.  Working at a university, living in a university town, it gets a bit easy to smugly lump the majority of the residence together as “those helpless little darlings,” that you tend to see the most of – freshmen and sophmores who generally haven’t a clue.  But we’ve lived here long enough post my graduation that entire class of students has cycled through their four year degrees and scampered off to greater things.  To many of them, we are their Five Year Plan personified – there’s horror for you.

My clash with age was at my zumba class where for fun the instructor taught us the routine to Michael Jackson’s Thriller, which I thought was great fun for the upcoming holiday spirit.  Walking out of the gym, I overheard two girls talking to one another.
“I liked it except for that weird monster dance we did.”
“Yeah, it wasn’t even a good song.”
Cue C. clutching herself in horror.

The decade I was born in is now something to be trotted out in fashion or for parties, usually “ironically.”  I lived before the internet – something we’re only a couple of freshman classes away from being ancient history.  I lived during the bleeding Cold War, when the Soviet Union was a country, Europe was split down the middle, and communism was still a threat, instead of a largely pejorative term to be hurled at anyone who disagrees with you socially.   And these people have no idea who Michael Jackson was except for the last few, collapsing years of his life!  What gives!

J.’s less than a month away from 27, which somehow seems unnervingly closer to 30 than 26 for some reason, and he’s only seven months older than me.  We’re the grown ups.

Dear heavens…