Performing Patriotism

“It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.”
― Aristotle

Watching US patriotism shaming from across an ocean and as an expat is a really enlightening and thought provoking experience, especially in an election season. If you don’t perform patriotism the way a person or group wants you to, the rage machine that can be and often is mobilized against you can be fierce. The group of my friends who are into sport are currently up in arms (on both sides of the issue) about Colin Kaepernick’s decision to sit for the national anthem. A couple of weeks ago people dragged one of the most celebrated female athletes in the country both for her hair and her forgetting/choice/who knows to put/not put a hand on her heart during the same national anthem. I remember a brouhaha a couple election cycles ago about the fact that a candidate wasn’t wearing a flag pin on his lapel and what that said about his inner commitment to the US constitution. Pick a current topic of policy (or lack thereof) in the current presidential campaign and enjoy the flurry of commentary about how the candidate in question is fundamentally un-American.

I grew up in a military family, living on or near military bases multiple times in childhood. I remember how the national anthem was played at the close of day, during which everyone in earshot would stop and remain still for the duration. Flag ceremonies were de rigeur. The symbols of national identity were everywhere, up to and including my father’s collar. I consider myself fairly patriotic, even though I am openly critical of my country and the many challenges it faces in living up to its own ideas enshrined in revolutionary documents. But outside of the structure of the military, civil service, and local/federal government life, I also don’t see the been or benefit in some of the hyper patriotism (not to say nationalism) I see in the US displayed by many civilians. I find it strange, for instance, that the national anthem is even played at a football game, which has nothing to do with the body politic or any workings of government at all.

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And I have been really disheartened to see a strain of American discourse weaponize patriotism–or rather how others “perform” patriotism. The vitriol heaped on a football player for exercising the very rights in question has baffled me. I’ve been far, far more angry to see a convicted rapist walk free for good behavior after serving just half of a six month sentence (ridiculous in its own right). In the election cycle, the hyperbolic scrutiny and wild interpretations about this candidate’s or that’s loyalty to the government has frankly veered into the realm of the bizarre. Meanwhile there has been a notable lack of policy debate about how the government should apply in people’s lives.

Perhaps it has to do with my experience with faith and religion, but I view patriotism in very similar ways to belief: something deeply personal, highly individualized, and fundamentally uninterpretable by other people. I can both criticize and love my country. A candidate for office cannot be evaluated based on jewelry. Flag ceremonies are insufficient barometers of loyalty. Sitting for the national anthem is not an act of treason. Neither is failing to place an appendage on another body party. There is no person or entity that can accurately measure devotion of any kind in another human and I’m struggling to cite an instance where a person or entity has tried without a whole host of interior motives behind them.

Now as a “stranger in a strange land” again, this time in the secular sense of being an expat I sometimes wonder if this commitment to displays or performances of patriotism is even good for Americans as a people. Does the devotion to the outward trappings actual result in devotion to the underlying principles? I have personally found that display is more often is tied to ideology than ideals, and political ideology that lacks the ability to be challenged is frightening to me. If history shows us anything, it’s that that way danger lies.

I’ve heard more than one American here in Britain talk disparagingly of British patriotism as being “tepid.” By comparison the Brits certainly are less loud about it, but most I’ve met are privately, staunchly proud of their nation. They acknowledge conflicts or disappointments with aspects of government or history or any number of things, and are perfectly willing to criticize themselves, but woe betide any outsider who may try to do the same. Americans are just as fierce about outside criticism but we are, strangely, equally or even more fierce when criticism comes from within in my experience. I’ve seen Yanks more likely to turn on one another than any outsider–I think that inability, at least in my opinion, to accept internal criticism more than anything explains the ridiculous and ineffective state of American politics at the moment. We seem hell bent on presenting a united front to the world, and willing to descend to insane levels of infighting in pursuit of it.

I don’t have any solutions to this problem except to say that I don’t like it and it disappoints me. I hate patriotism shaming and at a core level, I am mistrustful of anyone who partakes in it. And, as nationalistic sensibilities spike all over the world, I cannot but wonder if it’s dangerous.

Five Things I Loved in August

“We don’t need to have just one favorite. We keep adding favorites. Our favorite book is always the book that speaks most directly to us at a particular stage in our lives. And our lives change. We have other favorites that give us what we most need at that particular time. But we never lose the old favorites. They’re always with us. We just sort of accumulate them.”
― Lloyd Alexander

It was a whirlwind month, so I figured a little introspection wouldn’t go amiss as we head into the month of “back to school” and “seasonal wardrobe” changes. The nights are getting cool, even though the days are still deceptively hot, and all of London is working hard to soak up as much Vitamin D as possible. Winter is coming, and all that, kittens! Here’s a quick run down of the things, profound and silly alike, that made my month.

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Image via Netflix

Stranger Things. Count us among the many who inhaled the series in one go. Proud of the fact I am not (it was a late night). Would I do the same again? Instantly. Noir meets science fiction meets childhood depicted right meets 80s nostalgia. I can’t tell if I’m happy or not it got a second series as it strikes me as one of those wonderful things in real danger of being ruined by its own popularity…but I’m deciding to be optimistic. Anyone else have thoughts to share on the cult-inspired cult hit of the summer?

Shimmering Skin Perfector® Pressed

Image via Becca Cosmetics

Becca Highlighters. These gems come in liquid, cream, and powder form and each have different finishes and effects on the skin. I was always a blush girl but had a hard time getting over the idea of anything designed to make one shine, probably an overreaction to Twilight hype (or more likely just intimidation when considering how I was supposed to use such an item). Consider me converted.

Image via Amazon

Agnostic: A Spirited Manifesto (audiobook). It’s taken me a while to give audiobooks a try, which is odd given that I listen to more podcasts and spoken word media than I do music, but I am coming around. I really enjoyed this book, narrated by the author herself. Lesley Hazelton has a deep contralto voice that I found a joy to listen to at the gym, on public transport, or just doing chores around the house. I like it when authors narrate their own books; they have the most intimate knowledge of their writing, of course, and so I think can probably imbue text with their intended emotional meaning better than even talented and experience voice readers. I wonder how much gets lost in emotional translation in many audiobook cases? I’ve listened to one or two audio books in my time that sounded absolutely silly or unenjoyable in audio form but when I picked them up in text later I had a completely different reaction to them. In almost every instance, I felt that the audio reader “got it wrong” somehow. In any event, I found this book not just delightful to hear, but the topic to be handled personally, intelligently, and even humorously. To write personally about agnosticism, which is usually debated nastily or dismissively in my experience, with wit and mischief was really interesting, and I came away wholeheartedly agreeing with her that whatever one’s personal beliefs, the real danger comes from “one dimensional thinking.” In the end, what Hazelton really seems to reject, in my opinion, is not forms of belief so much as fundamentalism.

Image via Glossier

Glossier concealer. Amateur beauty junkie that I am, I tend to keep an eye on companies and launches that tickle my fancy and test them whenever I can. London is a veritable beauty mecca but there are new and interesting US based brands popping up all the time that don’t have European suppliers or don’t ship here yet. Such a heartbreaker is Glossier who I have been lusting after ever since they came out with their Phase 1. I timed an order to correspond with our visit to Utah and have been testing all the goodies I stocked up on ever since and can dub the Stretch Concealer (in shade Medium for me) an absolute winner. The UK has been roasting for the whole of this month and most complexion goods simply slide off the typical mortal woman’s face in the tube but this baby has held firm. Alas I couldn’t order the Haloscope highlighter…next stateside jaunt.

Email chains with friends. With a chunk of time in July taken up with family travel and a new job offer, my mind was a bit preoccupied. Last month the girls and I (we keep up regular and spirited correspondence, deeply grateful we live in the age of email and text because that six-weeks-delayed-gossip-and-dependent-on-mail-coaches nonsense would simply have not done at all), wrote about creative projects, Tudor history, and shopping for decor in decommissioned masonic temples. Seriously. I’m planning an upcoming trip to Spain with one, getting to hear about a potential new gentleman friend from another, catching up on freelance work with yet another. Food for the soul.

What have been your summer standouts, darlings? And more importantly, what other pop culture do I need to catch up on as a matter of priority?

Weekend Links

“A lady, without a family, was the very best preserver of furniture in the world.”
― Jane Austen, Persuasion

Happy weekend, ducklings! At work this week we got our third big proposal out, quite possibly the biggest one to date, and on the home front we trying to shop for ideas for real, grown up furniture for the first time in our lives. We’re 30. Yikes. Lessons learned thus far can broadly be summarized as follows: we have excellent taste, and we have no money.

Here are your links, rapid fire this weekend, and let me know what you’re getting up to in the comments.

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Mesmerizing.

Tumblr find of the week.

Caitlin (the one in China, not the one in New York) made her own 101 in 1001 list, go check it out here.

Spirit animal.

A very important quiz.

Digging into the history of maroon communities in the Dismal Swamp.

Gender non-confirming kitty, courtesy of Miss Potter!

Strong piece about a complicated topic.

Stacy London speaks wisdom.

House Hunting

“I should say: the house shelters day-dreaming, the house protects the dreamer, the house allows one to dream in peace.”
― Gaston Bachelard, The Poetics of Space

Ironically, for someone who works in property, a couple of weeks after the Brexit vote (which has rattled the industry in a lot of interesting ways), our landlady dropped me an email informing us that as a result of the vote (amongst other things) she was selling the apartment and we’d have to move. The process should take a few months, and neither she nor the agents thought it would be a quick process and would likely go into next year, but she would keep us updated.

Well, alright then. We made a note, quietly started looking around the neighborhoods we were interested in living in, but not with a major sense of urgency, and figured we’d be moving in a few months. We were happy to help with viewings, provide access upon request, and keep the apartment neat and tidy…with the benefit of advance warning of visits at least.

Needlescratch to a week and a half ago when we got a phone call from the agent informing us that our apartment has been sold. Quite suddenly and without warning, our search kicked into high gear.

There is still a lot behind the scenes work for our landlady but all things considered we’d far rather choose when we go than be assigned a countdown clock by someone else. We spent a couple of days searching, made a list, called the relevant agents and set aside a weekend to do nothing but look at potential options. We ended up paired with a really savvy agent who clearly is good at his job because he both started and ended at properties that were at the north end of our budget, but were both good options. Cheeky. However I’m happy to say that as with our first apartment, the first one we saw was the winner and we made an offer the same day as we knew it would go quickly. Our landlady has approved the earlier move out and we had to pay an advance and deposit to secure it, but come October, we will not be homeless.

We will also, it must be said, be living in a truly adult apartment for the very first time. I could not be more thrilled. We will have a dishwasher for the first time in over seven years of marriage (whose name is not Jeff), a terrace, and a completely new kitchen–I grow misty eyed thinking about it. It’s a great apartment and we’re ready to live in something that is not a shoebox; our current flat is less than 350 square feet. We’re also ready for things like cupboards and wardrobes and blenders, silly as that may sound. We’ve been living without them for years, of course, but I’m really looking forward to things like cooking, laundry, and cleaning being a bit easier thanks to the fact that we don’t have to fight against decay as well as mess.

With an upgrade comes bigger challenges however. We own almost no furniture, only the raw basics of cooking gear, and most of what we own we will be able to fit into suitcases. We will have to build a home from scratch on a shoestring budget–as a significant portion of our expendable money went towards a deposit payment–and literally piece by piece. Starting with a mattress. It will take at least a year.

I’m ready for it.

The hood.
The hood.

 

 

101 in 1001 2.0

“If you were born without wings, do nothing to prevent them from growing.”
― Coco Chanel

It’s a Bank Holiday weekend, what better way to celebrate than with the opposite of relaxing! My second 101 in 1001 Days goal list is up and running, kittens! And ironically, some of those goals will be kicking off a lot sooner than even I anticipated…more on that later (she said, cryptically). I’d be curious as your thoughts on this 2.0 version, ducklings.

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As mentioned in my update post, I learned a lot about how I either achieve or give up on goals out of this project and I’m actually more excited to try to set up my next attempt than I was at my first. This time around I’ve got large overriding goals (like working on a manuscript) and I’ve got smaller ones that will help contribute to them (such as writing a set number of words a day for a month). Instead of committing to massive health goals, I’ve committed to several months worth of smaller goals like trying new dance classes, doing a yoga program, working towards a weight to lift, and trying an elimination diet as I’ve felt that my body is increasingly responding badly to some kinds of foods (looking at you sugar…).  I’ve migrated several of the goals I didn’t accomplish last time to this list as I still want to achieve them

One of the unintentional themes I’ve spotted in my new list is that I clearly want to gain some more creative skills and try new things–leading me to self-psychoanalyze that I’m feeling a bit in a rut and ready to shake things up. I also realized that a lot of my goals have to do with visiting or connecting with people, as well as budgeting. I rather like the idea that somewhat inadvertently I’ve found ways to tackle things I want to prioritize from multiple angles.

Have you ever tried this challenge, or indeed any goal setting adventure? What helped you succeed? What did you learn out of it? Do you think stuff like this is just a load of bollocks to make already ridiculous type A’s feel even more self-flagellating? Lend me your thoughts, kittens, and let’s have a productive chat and/or debate in the comments.

 

Weekend Links

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”
― John Steinbeck

It might be a Bank Holiday weekend, kittens, but there has been a hell of a lot of behind the scenes adventures in the last 48 hours. I’m tired. How delightful that we have tomorrow off to recover! We’re debating whether we should join the throngs at the Notting Hill Carnival, or eschew people all together and just wander along the Thames somewhere or spend a day in a park trying to soak up the last rays of summer. London has been broiling this past week and it looks to be keeping up for the forseeable future, but the promise of fall is in the air and one must stock up on ones Vitamin D.

Here are your links, darlings, extra long this week to see you through the weekend, and tell me what you’re getting up to in the comments!

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Let’s start the weekend with a roar as there never was a more SDS targeted article than this. Here’s to henchmen, demands, and cheekbones sharp enough to kill a man; down with wishes posing as rebellion!

Have you watched Stranger Things yet? If not, why not? Our friendship hangs in the balance.

God, how much worse is it going to get

How’s the US election shaping up? Are you sure?

And speaking of SDS clickbait! Do you subscribe to this Anne Boleyn theory?

No. HELL, no.

Beyonce just dropped tons of behind the scenes photos from the making of Lemonade. Go and be blessed, children.

I am oddly in love with this guy.

Found the perfect fall tote.

The hijab ban in France is ridiculous, period. If you are so up in arms about women’s attire being “mandated,” how about you stop mandating women’s attire? Here, have a look through this kick-a hijab wearing cosplayers instead.

Equal parts adorable and terrifying.

Me, to be honest.

Really enjoyed this piece. I’m not thin, I’m technically overweight according to my doctor–who very kindly hastened to assure me that I’m on the boundary for my height and well within the bounds of “normal,” gee thanks–but I’ve benefited from a lot of other privileges. Plus I’m fortunate to have both the ability and resources able to try and re-enter the “privileged” group, as getting in is a lot harder than falling out. Thoughts?

101 in 1001 Recap

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”
― Louisa May Alcott

101 things in 1001 days

Today my first 101 in 1001 list comes to an end. I didn’t manage as many things as I wanted and my decisions around work somewhat took energy away from some of my bigger goals over the past year and a half…but I completed 50% of my list and I feel okay about that.

I also learned that for me breaking goals down into chunks really helped me accomplish them better, that short term goals often turned into long term habits, and keeping a record of the ones I was working on really kept me on target.

Et alors, my second list kicks off on Monday, watch this space!

A Career Year

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”
― Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

It’s not an easy thing to leave a job, especially one you’re finding success in. In recent months I received one raise, negotiated another, and was promoted–all the result of a lot of hard work and a lot of determination. And then, somewhat suddenly, I decided to leave my position.

I’ve mentioned this briefly in previous posts but in a lot of ways, I feel like I need to make up for lost time career-wise. I graduated as the recession was kicking off and was the primary breadwinner while Jeff was still in school. Hindsight being 20/20, I should never have stayed at my first job as long as I did but when you’re in a mindset of just paying the bills, it’s easy to let small setbacks (like not being able to go abroad with your husband to grad school, or having to wait a year for a new visa) add up to big ones. The long term benefit has been an internal commitment to not allow myself to ever get “stuck” in a job again–whether in progress, advancement, money, or learning opportunities. And in spite of a lot of the growth over the past year in particular, I found myself feeling a bit stuck.

Behind the scenes I called 2015-2016 my “Year of Career” due to the amount of work I was putting in. Willingly, might add. Due to my sense of falling inadvertently behind, both I and Jeff (who somewhat shares my feelings, though slightly less so as he spent a year getting a masters degree that paid off in exactly the way we hoped it would; namely, getting us to London) agreed that we’d be willing to burn the candle at both ends for a few years to gain as much experience and as many opportunities as we could. Our end goal is to position ourselves to have a more balanced life, but we were willing to put in the long hours and weekends needed now to get us there.

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It has been an intense year. Coworkers have come and gone, a new mentor entered the picture, projects grew or got smaller unexpected, and I was thrown into [the right kind of] sink or swim projects that allowed me to learn. My instincts were tested, as were values, resilience, and skills. I hired and eventually had to let go of my first assistant, then hire a second one, I put together not just individual marketing campaigns, but got to develop whole top line strategies, I vastly expanded my network of contacts in both the business and creative world, and I had some pretty high highs. I also fell on my face a few times, lost my cool, struggled as my department grew and shrank and grew again, occasionally thrived on the uncertainty, but other times struggled with it.

But in spite of all the bustle, increasingly I recognized that nagging feeling of “stuck-ness.” Some of it was internal, some of it was external, but it was unmistakably the feeling that I once ignored for too long: I had a very strong impression that it was getting time to go. Just as I had really come to the conclusion that I would listen to that feeling and start hustling to make something happen, the universe placed a not insignificant opportunity right in front of me and I decided to grab it with both hands.

My new position contains many elements of my old plus some fresh new challenges and I’m still finding my feet a week and a half in, but tremendously grateful for and enjoying the new work.

However I’m recognizing the need to shake up more than where I work, but how I work. My old position was a crucible in many ways, a major support role in a team relatively small to be in charge of the amount of assets we managed. Everyone wore a lot of hats, I was on at least half dozen projects simultaneously, and our department was involved in every single phase from research before an acquisition all the way through to the final sales. The amount of learning opportunities I had were amazing. But there was a dark side. Because we were a small team, it was nearly impossible to “switch off.” This was not just me, I learned eventually, it was part of the culture that the company developed. For a while, my first whole year there, I didn’t see this as too much of a problem because I was committed to burning the candle at both ends if needed, but nobody can work like that forever before both you and the metaphoric candle burn out.

I came close to burn out more than once in my old position. Emails on the weekends, occasional whole weekends in the office, taking work home with me…it added up. At one point I was having actual nightmares about spreadsheets and waking up in the middle of the night composing tomorrow’s emails in my head. My new company makes a priority of balance and working hard…during work hours. People are expected to go home at reasonable times, not to be available during atypical hours, and to take holidays. I’m only a week and a half in (plus I had a week of break between positions) but it is a bit shocking how much adjustment this mentality is taking. I knew I didn’t like the imbalance I felt previously, I didn’t know how all pervasive it was, and I definitely didn’t appreciate I am going to have to relearn balance–it is NOTHING like riding a bicycle.

But I need to. In many ways, this job represents a step towards that longer term goals: I worked hard for nearly two years so I could work smarter for much longer. There’s still a lot of work to do setting up in my new gig, plus I’m working on some side projects again after they fell (out of necessity) by the wayside, but for the moment at least, I’m seeing how my year of career paid off.

 

Fashion Find: Ragyard

“There is good clothing design on every level today. You can be the chicest thing in the world in a T-shirt and jeans — it’s up to you.”
― Karl Lagerfeld

So you’ve been noticing the (fantastic) trends towards embroidery and embellishment? So you’ve been eyeing those Gucci knits and patched everything floating around your pinterest boards and street style sites alike? So, awash in these musing, you think of your bank account and collapse into hysterical tears?

I’ve got you, kittens.

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Behold Ragyard, a shop I stumbled into by accident in Shoreditch but which also has a Portobello Road outpost. They stock their own pieces featuring embroidery and patchwork in fairly small numbers. Some of their stuff could be outright festival wear but styled right and you’ve got a dead ringer for looks off the runway (or worn by tastemaking editors). Basic research also indicates they occasionally do one-of-a-kind pieces that I want to dive into a bit more.

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The last thing I need is more lazy athleisure wear but the sweatshirts are oddly seductive. I’m currently sitting on my hands and being good, however I’m  curious to see how the tease of these new snake patches is going to play out eventually and so might give in to temptation in the near future.

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Weekend Links

“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
― Bill Watterson

Another weekend drawing to a close, darlings, another batch of links to take to you to the bitter end. It’s a short bunch this week but as always worth a read! Share your favorite internet finds in the comments and let me know what you’re getting up to this week.

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Full disclosure, this is a commercial for feminine hygiene products. It is also wicked smart advertising and the comment thread is giving me life. #fulleowyn

This clapback is everything.

History + libraries = SDS clickbait.

My entire Facebook feed of late has been dedicated to the ass-kicking lady athletes in Rio this Olympics, so here’s a timely piece of worthy reading.

This piece on Elle.com on the evolution of street style and how their photographers capture it now is smart and delightful.

Excellent.

I’m incredibly irked that Larry Wilmore’s show has been cancelled, but Jon Stewart’s tribute to his voice says better than any other commentary why it’s important.