Tag: Humor

Family, Friends, Humor, Life, Work

TGIF, etc.

“There aren’t enough days in the weekend.”
– Rod Schmidt

Today I realized that, what with the insane week I’ve had at work/home/any other plane of existence that temporarily escapes me, I could not – for the life of me – remember whether or not I’d paid our October rent!  On my lunch break I scampered over to our flat’s managers.  She answered the door in her pajamas with scary hair and a sick-to-her-stomach looking face.  Turns out, she’s pregnant and was having a miserably week to – and apparently so were a lot of other people living in our building because she waived the $15 late fee, citing life.

Excellent.

Also!  Today was the first day I’ve worn a coat to work.  It’s Fall!  It’s my sister-in-law’s birthday so we’re going to her house this evening for cake.  Tomorrow I get to play with Fairy and GS (whom I haven’t seen in weeks) for a lovely Ladies Only Afternoon.  Last night I wore my chenille house slippers and made my first real cup of tea in a long time (with a teapot, as it was intended to be).  J. is playing with the guys tonight so I think I will make a steaming pot of corn chowder and watch a movie.

The week’s almost over, poodles!  Chins up!

Humor, Husband, Life, School, Work

Praise Jupiter, Odin, and Quetzalcoatl!

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
– Woody Allen

Oh, C., you and your plans! So droll!

Ever feel like God/the Universe/Fate/Whatever is doing that thing when you make plans and They laugh at you?  Well, recently it’s felt like God/the Universe/Fate/Whatever has been having a benevolent but enthusiastic chuckle at our expense.  Plans that we make, good plans, solid plans, with all necessary effort behind them to accomplish them, have just…not been happening.

Not to sound vain, but this is really the first time in my life that I’ve come up against so many game-changers (not counting my university’s Football team).  I don’t know if that means I’ve been extremely clever, extremely lucky, or more than extremely pig-headed about getting what I plan on…but likely some combination of the latter two.

But I digress.  Yesterday, the God/the Universe/Fate/Whatever decided that It had had enough of yanking our chains and allowed our hard work and single minded effort to pay off.  Wiping the last of laughter tears from Its eyes, It gave a last little sigh of amusement and waved Its finger benevolently at us.

J. has an internship!

Granted it’s not the one we’d thought he’d have, but that’s not a bad thing.  If he’d gotten the one we originally wanted, he’d have been shipped off somewhere for 6-8 weeks and I’d have stayed behind holding down the home front.  Perfectly doable, but not at all fun (and the amount of Netflix I’d have consumed would have been perfectly shocking by any standards).  But now he’s got an internship with a Fortune 500 company, local, that pays very  well, and adds additional sparkle to his resume.

Collective sigh of relief.

Humor, Office, Secretary, Work

Crisis Averted

“Ah, Cindy Sondheim, you should have lived in an earlier age.  Things were simpler, less complicated.  Do you know how many women had nervous breakdowns in the fourteenth century?  Two.”
– Love at First Bite

Thanks for all the lovely pick-me-up comments yesterday, darlings.  It was really nice to know how many of you have felt the same way – and as every last one of you have turned out amazing and unbelievably fabulous, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to do the same with a bit more time, a few more naps, and much less stress.

Yesterday was beastly (if you couldn’t tell!).   We’ve heard negatives on some of J.’s  internship applications and are still waiting to hear back on others, which is almost more nerve wracking.

I had to hire a dozen students last minute and despite telling administration multiple times that we don’t have space for any more people, they were still shocked to discover that we didn’t have enough lockers or uniforms/gear for them.  Unfortunately, the ones ending up looking foolish in this situation are your friendly neighborhood C. and Hennessy, who have to explain to several students why they have to cart a pile half as tall as me of gear home with them.

I barely averted a few violations that would have added up to potentially thousands of dollars in fines had I not caught them.

I’d only got four hours of sleep the night before.

So, these and other factors combined into the perfect storm.  Literally!  Just as I was getting ready to go do the laundry run, a massive lightening and rain storm whipped up.  You may recall how often it rains when I do the laundry run, it’s lately become the office joke.  So when I ambled past Susie’s office to tell her I was heading out I glanced our her window and froze.  It was pitch black outside and rain was lashing the pane.

I felt a helpless, hysterical giggle start bubbling up inside of me and a clapped a hand over my mouth to keep it in.  But to no avail!  Both Susie and Wise turned, saw the rain, and started chuckling.  Then Chief poked his head around the corner and grumbled, “Have you done the laundry yet?”

That did it.  I collapsed on Susie’s desk laughing (and nearly crying).  She and Wise joined in, Chief stared at us a minute before retreating to the safety of his office.  When I got home, I put on flannel pants, an oversized sweatshirt, pinned my hair up, and crawled into bed with a book.

All better now.

Angst, Family, Humor, Husband, Marriage

Ducklings, May I Ramble?

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates

Confession time.  I was an excellent girlfriend when J. and I were dating.  I was independent, clever, fun to be around, liked trying new things, was optimistic, and supportive (oh, and definitely humble).  By anyone’s standards I really was a catch.

Alternatively, I’m starting to think that I really suck at being a wife.

To start out with, I am stressed all the time…but I think this is pretty understandable.  When we got married, I assumed the rent, food, utilities, car payments, insurance, two credit cards, and the general livelihood of two people, solely by myself.  Just so we are clear I am happy to do this, but I can’t lie, it’s an awfully big pressure.  I live in fear of unlikely events (pregnancy, job loss, etc.) because of how it will affect my family.  It’s a Great Big Worry to carry around all by myself and I confess, I probably exacerbate the stress by trying (in all my control freak, Small Dog glory) to plan and be prepared for every eventuality.  Which is, of course, impossible.

It’s also very hard for me to adjust my thinking to his.  His life revolves around school, I graduated two years ago and now work full time.  Most of his friends still live in the area or within an hour’s driving, most of my friends (exception of Margot and Angel) are in different states/countries and my nearby family is pretty busy these days.  Honestly, it can get terribly lonely working a subsistence job, having a thinned out support system,  and bearing the financial weight of two people.  I’ve always been pretty good at entertaining myself, keeping myself busy, but honestly it’s downright exhausting these days.

This stress builds up to the point the small things violate my sense of order.  If the rubbish isn’t taken out when I ask, if the house is a mess, if I have a bad day at work, or if…you get the idea.  Complete transformation into a snarling Gorgon.

Small things become massive disappointments, such as when J. applied for a job and didn’t get it (even though they wanted him) because he’s graduating in six months and they want someone for longer.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not fun to be married to these days.  I’m worried, shrewish, tired, easily irritated…I’m the exact opposite of what I was as a girlfriend.  And even though I’m sure a good chunk of this can be tied to my birth control being out of whack, I’m feeling miserable about it.

Humor

It Takes Effort to Make Friday Suck…

“The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones.”
– Gabirol

However.  Setting up a massive loudspeaker system and then switching it on at 4:30 in the morning, waking me up to screaming rock music, might do the bloody trick.

Whoever you are, I hope dreadful, unspeakable things happen to you.

Die. Die. Die.
Humor, Law Enforcement, Office, Secretary, Stupid People, University, Work

Rudeness Most Foul

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.”
– Isaac Asimov

Definately human.

The interesting thing about working at a university is how much information, equipment, and expertise is available to you.  So when a plastic bag filled with large bones is found buried on the grounds, it’s the work of a moment to ask someone from Anthropology to come over and verify that they aren’t human.  Just in case.  Or, less professionally, when one is hungry, one can just scamper over to any of the cafes, food halls, or centers that provide sustenance for cheap prices.

Alternatively, using campus resources can often put one in an awkward situation.

In the library there is a very nice media lab where you can covert anything in any format to any other format you please.  Now I’m pretty technologically illiterate, but even I can appreciate that sort of thing.  And for the first time I got to use it yesterday when Lt. Citrus gave me a sack full of VHS tapes and told me to convert them to DVDs.  How neat, thought I, and off I trotted.

I got a crash course in using the towering masses of machinery and, after snatching a book to keep me company (another benefit of a university setting), I got to work.  There was a lot of loading/unloading tapes, keeping an eye on the screens, finalizing data, etc., but mostly it involved waiting for the tapes to run fully (which could last from a few minutes to a couple hours).  And I even watched a couple: guy holding an audience hostage because God told him he was supposed to be supreme dictator or Earth, rioting at football games, your average wierdos…you know, the usual.

However there was some pretty dark stuff too and when converting those I taped paper over the screens (because I am of the somewhat old fashion opinion that an individual’s personal tragedy is nobody else’s damn business).  During these tapes, I kicked back with my book until I was rudely disturbed but a gentleman marching up to me.

You've been recording investigation documents, vital to court proceedure, medical records, and department case archives, for entirely TOO LONG. You will now be punished!

“You’ve been here for a long time,” he accused.
“Yes, and I apologize, but I am working on something important on behalf of the University.  I’m nearly done.  Do you need the machines?”
“No,” he said snappishly .  “I just think you’re being inconsiderate taking up so much time.”
Not really prepared to handle this sort of time management vigilante-ism (side note – not one person had previously needed to use the machines or asked me when I would be done), I only blinked.
“You’re probably not even doing anything remotely important,” he continued, crossing his arms and turning up his nose.  “What are you working on?”
I felt an eyebrow climb at his tone but answered in a chipper voice, “Well I’m transferring a video taken from a homicide scene investigation.  Then I’ll have to transfer the autopsy tapes as well, care to watch?”

His eyes bugged for a moment and then he slunk off.

Like I said, the equipment and resources amassed here are fantastic, but the ability to see some people in all there snippy, self-important silliness might be my favorite part of my job after all.

Family, Humor, Travel, Weekend

All I Wanna Do, Is Have Some Fun…

“…until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard.”
– Sheryl Crow

We went to LA for the weekend to celebrate the finalized adoption of my brother-and-sister-in-law’s son.  Hurrah, he’s ours!  Back off LA county!

They live right off Santa Monica Blvd so we walked the pier, shopped 3rd street, and took in an installation art show on the beach.  We went to Universal Studios, rode all the rides, and did the studio tour which went right through Wisteria Lane, as they were filming Desperate Housewives.  I had a massive migraine, more on that later, but we soldiered on!  We also had a celebrity sighting, some actor from Lost who I’ve never heard of.

Meanwhile, my little brother Gio started university, and Mum was hired to teach Western Civilization at a college back on the East Coast.  J. had an interview with Firm #3 on Friday, and has a job interview today along with a couple of exams.  I couldn’t find half of my things getting ready for work this morning.

All signs of an excellent weekend vacation.

Food, Humor

And Another Thing!

“Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.  Lettuce pray.”
– Anonymous

Additional perk to Interview Week social rounds: we have been given a full meal almost every night this week, that neither one of us had to make.  Although the caterers basically made us Thanksgiving dinner for one of them – stuffing, turkey, and pumpkin pie included.  The only reason we had to go to the store at all since Saturday was to get pasta sauce (because this overabundance of food has turned your friendly household C. into The Laziest Wife Ever and the only thing I did this week in the way of cooking was boiling pasta), and ice cream sandwiches.  Because we needed those.

Pictured: C.
Humor, School, University, Work

In Which C. and J. Get Wined, Dined, and Lei-d

“We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the eclat of a proverb.”
– Jane Austen

So, we are right in the middle of what could be arguably one of the most important weeks of our lives.  Certainly at least one of the most stressful for J..

He is interviewing for internships with the Big Four accounting firms this week, he also has two major tests, and tomorrow we’re flying out to California to celebrate the finalization of my brother and sister-in-law’s adoption of our little nephew.

Felt a bit like this, actually.

We went to Firm #1’s reception the other night and I had an interesting time.  Early in the evening the spouses of the interview candidates were shunted off to a different room, meaning that about 99% of the women there were removed.  We all filed into a conference room where a string of partner’s wives were sitting at the front, looking very like the parish’s women’s organization presidency.  And the whole hour continued very much in that vein, which was slightly uncomfortable for everyone concerned.

Then at dinner we were seated at an awkward table, people were either trying to say something extremely clever or were absolutely silent.  However J. got to meet and ask the interviewer some questions and all indications so far are that his interview went well.

ACCOUNTING!

Firm #2’s reception was last night and was luau themed.  Points for food and entertainment as they had Polynesian dancers and pyrotechnics.  There was much fewer awkward silences, and the women weren’t kicked out which was a huge plus as far as I was concerned.  This time we weren’t seated and got to jostle for position to meet with the representatives, again with the requisite attempts to be memorable.  J. interviewed with them this morning, also went well.

Firm #3’s reception is tonight but I will be cleaning our house and packing for California so I won’t be able to report on that, ducklings.

However, a few thoughts!  Last year when they first started recruiting overtures, we were introduced to The Swag.  Sweatshirts, bags, all manner of stationary.  This year Firm #1 gave us a canvas tote and an aluminum water bottle, as opposed to the rather cheapish, fall-apart-as-soon-as-look-at-it ones we got from Firm #2.  But!  Firm #2 pulled ahead when won a raffle prize at their reception, styled as a collapsible cooler, actually more like an over sized lunch box, and we also got real orchid leis as opposed to the cheap plastic kind you normally get at parties.  However due to sheer bitterness, they dropped below pre-reception rankings when the guy called after us won an iPad.  Firms #3 and #4 have only given pens, a shameful showing.

Humor, Shabby Apple, Shopping

Dangerous Curves Ahead

“When in doubt, wear red.”
– Bill Blass

I’m getting a little ahead of myself, because I’m already plotting my Halloween costume.  But as you may recall, I love Halloween!  Each year our office dresses up.  Witches and ghosts are occasionally seen, but we prefer to get a bit more creative.  Sav dressed all in pink and a name tag that read “Floyd.”  One of the student officers directs traffic in Mickey Mouse gloves.

And this year I’m going as Joan from Mad Men and it’s probably going to be the easiest costume I’ve ever had (although after that papier mache Anubis head, anything would be a piece of cake).  Because that paragon of cuteness, Shabby Apple, has made in their new Yosemite line, the Joanest of all Joan Halloway dresses.  However even the desire for a fab Halloween costume wasn’t going to induce me to spend $92 on it!  Then, low and behold, Groupon did a deal and I got $100 of in store credit, for a much, much, MUCH lower price.  My dress plus shipping was a third of what it would have been otherwise.  This number is going to double as all go-to outfit for holiday parties this year.

And finally, I had to find that iconic pen necklace.  I scoured Etsy and Ebay and Google, but everything that came up was so ludicrously priced as to laughable.   Finally I found a long gold chain ($4) and a small gold pencil on a pendant ring ($6), and put it together myself.  Et voila!

Now I’ll just have to get red hair dye.  Should be fun!  Or I can always chicken out and go as the new receptionist Megan, she of the French extraction and perfect skin.

I don’t read Janssen’s frugality blog for entertainment!