I am a daughter, granddaughter, sister, and friend of soldiers.
– C.
In Flanders fields the poppies grow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
“I can’t think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.” – Douglas Feaver
Wise and R2 are both pregnant and due about the same time. I’ve had a slew of acquaintances spawn recently. Last Friday the office girls and I had that conversation about childbirth that traumatized three-quarters of us, and at dinner last night my god-uncle (jokingly) asked when J. and I were going to add to the list. Short answer, not any time soon, Deus Volent. Pregnancy seems to be on everyone’s collective brain these days.
Apart from my completely lack of desire to have children in the near future, pregnancy, as far as I can tell, produces all sort of undesirable social effects. I can’t begin to count the times that pregnant women have been accosted in public places by, as far as I can tell, perfect strangers. People seem to feel it’s their prerogative to run up, clap hands on their stomach, and demand when they are due or coo over them in an alarmingly possessive manner. I can personally guarantee the first stranger who tries that with me when I’m eventually ready to have kids will have their ears blistered.
Also, it seems to turn people (in their minds at least) into friends with everyone in sight. Which can be awkward for the individual on the receiving end of this jovial goodwill.
Friday evening I ran to Nordstrom to find a baby shower present for R2. When I stepped off the tile floor into the carpeted are of the baby section, I might as well has crossed the Bosporus!
There were choruses of “Awww!” from every corner, even though I saw next to no people anywhere. A creepy enough beginning, but it got more bizarre. Wandering past a rack of clothes a perfect stranger leaped at me out of nowhere clutching tiny shoes in her fist.
“Aren’t these the most adorable things you’ve ever seen?!” she demanded shrilly before disappearing behind shelves of diaper bags.
A bit shaken I began flipping through clothes when a woman on the other side of the store held up a pair of pajamas, waved them back and forth to get my attention, and when I furtively glanced up, yelled, “These are just too cute, I had to share them with someone!” I nodded and moved away quietly…
Ducks. Gender neutral enough? You decide
Only to back into a third woman who held up two onesies asking my opinion which one she should buy, launching into the life story of both herself and the person she was buying this present for.
“Uh, the one on the left?” I offered.
“My left or your left?” she demanded. “Are ducks gender-neutral enough?”
“Um. Yes.”
“By the way, when are you due? You’re not showing at all,” she said, reaching for my stomach.
“I’m not pregnant,” I managed through clenched teeth, nearly tripping as I backpedaled to avoid her hand.
“Oh. Well, you have time,” she said, patting the shoulder I couldn’t wrench away in time.
…where J. has asked C. to quiz him on information for his business law class’ upcoming exam. For some clarification of the following snippets, it is helpful to note that his study guide seems to have been compiled by blind monkeys tap dancing on a typewriter. Let’s listen in, shall we?
“Name the conditions for unconscionability.”
“One party is Comcast?”
“Focus.”
~~~
“Talk to me about minors.”
[J. grins slowly]
“Not the ones in Chile!”
~~~
“Term meaning that the Court will leave you as it finds you.”
“…”
“Impere-” “Delecto. I was mixing that up with In flagrante delicto, but I knew that wasn’t right.”
“Um, no. No it’s not.”
~~~
“What is a ‘covenant not to complete?'”
“Uh, I think you mean ‘compete.'”
“Look. It says ‘complete,’ right there.”
“Oh, so it does. It’s wrong, though.”
“I could write a more coherent study guide than this!”
~~~
“Help, help, I’m being duressed!”
~~~
“Hold on! Are they making up legal terms?”
“Looks like it.”
“But they can’t do that! ‘Assign-ee?’ ‘Offer-or?’ ‘Oblige-or?’ These sound like video game character names! And I’ve counted six spelling mistakes on this page alone.
“Calm down, C..”
“I can’t! This is wrong!”
~~~
“That reminds me! Have I showed you that YouTube clip -”
“Focus, J..”
“The one from the Simpsons?”
“Don’t.”
“It’s funny!”
“I don’t care.”
“You need to see it -”
“Pay attention or I will papercut you to death with this thing, so help me!”
“You can watch this while I find someone who will perform a marriage ceremony between a crazed fan and a celebrity teen hostage. To the Internet!” – The Fairly Odd Parents
Savvy just did something which, considered in light of current societal attitudes and the fact that a movie title The Social Network was just released, is quite brave. She deleted her Facebook. Apparently it took hours of dogged, single-minded determination and clicking, but she did it.
"Honestly, C., had you no life at all?!" "I'm SORRY!"
I confess, I’ve toyed with the idea myself. Truthfully, the hours I’ve spent on that ridiculous thing will shame me when we’re all dead and get to watch the Big Movie of our lives.
However, I have a qualm. Surprisingly I do use Facebook for its original intent: to keep track of people. Having trucked over the world, keeping in touch with people can be a chore. It’s the same reason why I’ve never changed my Hotmail address: I got it when I was 12 or 13 and across the years have given it out to friends/contacts/employers in multiple countries. It’s the only way I keep in touch with a whole army of correspondents, I couldn’t do something so stupid as to change it simply because Gmail is en vogue (yes, yes, and better, yes I heard you).
Frankly, though, as the years have gone by, I’ve winnowed down my own social network quite a bit. Scarlett, Peregrine, Jane, and Venice are far off, but I still communicate with them regularly. Margot, Marie, Tink, and Angel, though busy, are still nearby. The majority of people I see everyday… I see everyday: Hennessy, Wise, Susie, Sav, and Vodka, as well as the traffic clerks. I regularly bump into Sadie on campus and we often get together with my whole godfamily to play, usually at least once a month. And now that my parents live on the same continent as I do, keeping in touch with them has never been easier.
So…what do I really use Facebook for?
Honestly, the occasional glimpse into long gone friends’ lives (once every six months), to keep in touch with Gio as he heads off into his first year of adventure at university (daily), and to play stupid games (also daily, shamefully). In other words, with very few exceptions, nothing really valuable.
I don’t know if I have the moral fortitude to completely go cold turkey as the indomitable Sav did…but I am thinking that I really need to start weaning myself off it.
And how many of these behaviors/tendencies have you displayed recently?
Make your voices heard, minions! Have you ever rethought your relationship with your techie relationships? How many people would simply vanish from your life if you ditched Facebook, Twitter, and whatever bastard cousin of theirs has popped up recently? And would you miss these people if they melted away? How much of your life would disappear, and how much of it would you get back if you tuned out? Weigh in.
“There aren’t enough days in the weekend.” – Rod Schmidt
Today I realized that, what with the insane week I’ve had at work/home/any other plane of existence that temporarily escapes me, I could not – for the life of me – remember whether or not I’d paid our October rent! On my lunch break I scampered over to our flat’s managers. She answered the door in her pajamas with scary hair and a sick-to-her-stomach looking face. Turns out, she’s pregnant and was having a miserably week to – and apparently so were a lot of other people living in our building because she waived the $15 late fee, citing life.
Excellent.
Also! Today was the first day I’ve worn a coat to work. It’s Fall! It’s my sister-in-law’s birthday so we’re going to her house this evening for cake. Tomorrow I get to play with Fairy and GS (whom I haven’t seen in weeks) for a lovely Ladies Only Afternoon. Last night I wore my chenille house slippers and made my first real cup of tea in a long time (with a teapot, as it was intended to be). J. is playing with the guys tonight so I think I will make a steaming pot of corn chowder and watch a movie.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates
Confession time. I was an excellent girlfriend when J. and I were dating. I was independent, clever, fun to be around, liked trying new things, was optimistic, and supportive (oh, and definitely humble). By anyone’s standards I really was a catch.
Alternatively, I’m starting to think that I really suck at being a wife.
To start out with, I am stressed all the time…but I think this is pretty understandable. When we got married, I assumed the rent, food, utilities, car payments, insurance, two credit cards, and the general livelihood of two people, solely by myself. Just so we are clear I am happy to do this, but I can’t lie, it’s an awfully big pressure. I live in fear of unlikely events (pregnancy, job loss, etc.) because of how it will affect my family. It’s a Great Big Worry to carry around all by myself and I confess, I probably exacerbate the stress by trying (in all my control freak, Small Dog glory) to plan and be prepared for every eventuality. Which is, of course, impossible.
It’s also very hard for me to adjust my thinking to his. His life revolves around school, I graduated two years ago and now work full time. Most of his friends still live in the area or within an hour’s driving, most of my friends (exception of Margot and Angel) are in different states/countries and my nearby family is pretty busy these days. Honestly, it can get terribly lonely working a subsistence job, having a thinned out support system, and bearing the financial weight of two people. I’ve always been pretty good at entertaining myself, keeping myself busy, but honestly it’s downright exhausting these days.
This stress builds up to the point the small things violate my sense of order. If the rubbish isn’t taken out when I ask, if the house is a mess, if I have a bad day at work, or if…you get the idea. Complete transformation into a snarling Gorgon.
Small things become massive disappointments, such as when J. applied for a job and didn’t get it (even though they wanted him) because he’s graduating in six months and they want someone for longer.
I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m not fun to be married to these days. I’m worried, shrewish, tired, easily irritated…I’m the exact opposite of what I was as a girlfriend. And even though I’m sure a good chunk of this can be tied to my birth control being out of whack, I’m feeling miserable about it.
“…until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard.”
– Sheryl Crow
We went to LA for the weekend to celebrate the finalized adoption of my brother-and-sister-in-law’s son. Hurrah, he’s ours! Back off LA county!
They live right off Santa Monica Blvd so we walked the pier, shopped 3rd street, and took in an installation art show on the beach. We went to Universal Studios, rode all the rides, and did the studio tour which went right through Wisteria Lane, as they were filming Desperate Housewives. I had a massive migraine, more on that later, but we soldiered on! We also had a celebrity sighting, some actor from Lost who I’ve never heard of.
Meanwhile, my little brother Gio started university, and Mum was hired to teach Western Civilization at a college back on the East Coast. J. had an interview with Firm #3 on Friday, and has a job interview today along with a couple of exams. I couldn’t find half of my things getting ready for work this morning.
“I’ve got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.”
-Thomas Carlyle
This past week/weekend:
-Marie had a bridal shower, reception, wedding, and luncheon (Wed., Thurs., and Friday respectively)
-We had our school’s Football season opener (and won!)
-Labor Day, several hours of which I spent throwing nieces and nephews around on a trampoline
-I bought food for the first time in over a week
-Ate a full meal…which seemed like the first time in over a week
-I didn’t sleep more than five hours a night, and apparently started grinding my teeth in my sleep (according to J.)
-Fall showed up. Seriously. I turned around and there it was with sweaters, boots, and temperatures plummeting thirty degrees. Unlike most people I know, I’m thrilled because Fall is my favorite season
-Had a perma-migraine
Weddings, even fabulous ones like Marie's, can have unforeseen consequences.
So instead of updating you as was clearly my duty and your right, my loves, I spent last night in flannel pajama pants, dosed with pain killers, and watching Emma – not sharing pictures from the wedding. Every once and a while I lurched to the kitchen for sustenance, but only at moments of near death. Apologies, but I really wasn’t fit for anything else.
I’ll get them up today, I promise. And I’ll never neglect you like that again.
“Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.”
– Joseph Addison
Small Dog would like it noted that they looked a lot more glamorous than this.
On Saturday, J. went golfing with Atticus while Darling and I went downtown and shopped. Janssen, who apart from her fabulous fist blog Everyday Reading also does an equally fabulous blog about saving money (Frugal Wife = Wealthy Life), would have been very proud of me. I returned two shirts, which I originally bought on sale but didn’t like as much as I thought I would, and in exchange got three shirts that I loved and still put money back in the bank. Darling told me all about their recent trip to Hawaii while we ate lunch, I gossiped about work. Then we headed home, J. and I went to a comedy show on campus with Hennessy and her husband Tony.
Sunday we went to dinner at my godparents’ house, played with Elle, had long talks and debates (and some irreverent humor), ate cheesecake, and generally had a delightful time. In spite of the fact that we were celebrating GBIL’s and a family friend’s birthday…and I left both the cards and presents at home on the kitchen table (facepalm).
“Is this Plymouth? We’ve just come from Plymouth. We’ve gone round in circles, lads…”
– Eddie Izzard
I’ve decided to just stop panicking. First of all it’s exhausting and unsustainable, and second panicking will have absolutely no effect on my fate anyway. For all I know, Chief is just as puzzled as the rest of us seem to be and just wants to get my side of the story. Of course, he could also be preparing the Iron Maiden and Rack, but I’m choosing to be optimistic.
So, we’ll continue as if nothing is wrong until next Monday. Play along. There’s every chance that I’ll lose my cool and completely disintegrate into a useless puddle sometime over the weekend and I may need you to drag me out of whatever darkened corner I’ve thrown myself, in the fetal position, into.
In other news, my whole family seems to be finding life Stateside a bit of a chore. Mum is putting a house together, Dad is job hunting and running his small business, Gio is pacing rings in the carpet trying to work (in spite of torrential rains at our Uncle’s house where he is staying) and waiting for university to start, Buddy and Snickers are “looking forward” to (another) new school.
– not sharing pictures from the wedding. Every once and a while I lurched to the kitchen for sustenance, but only at moments of near death. Apologies, but I really wasn’t fit for anything else.
Small Dog Syndrome 