Category: Wedding

Family, Humor, Marriage, Wedding, Weekend June 1, 2009

Crunch Time…Can Wait!

“Oh how I love the crazy hedonism of weekends!”
-Calvin and Hobbes, Bill Watterson

We’re officially one month away from the wedding. Weird. J. and I spent saturday with his mother Darling going over everything for the luncheon, being dragged all over the site, made to debate the merits of table linens and centerpieces, and having to decide on a desert (we ended up picking two) until I was sure J. was about to claw his ears off so he wouldn’t have to listen to anymore. And frankly the luncheon is his parents’ party, they are paying for it, so if she wants to do the whole thing in barbie pink and fairy sparkles I’ll (grit my teeth but) not say a word!

Sunday I flouted my nutritionists (aka Venice and Miyagi) because Fairy threw me a birthday party! I ate two pieces of red velvet cake, stuffed myself on GS’s famous fruit salsa, accidental made Elle cry (SORRY!), and took lots of food home with me to continue ruining my eating plan with! Then I spent four hours gossiping with Fairy after everyone else had left before heading home, gorging myself on BBC and another half of cake, and heading to bed way too late. In other words, a great weekend.

Of course, with only a month to go that means we have at least one major project a week. Gifts have started flowing in, we’re having pictures taken on wednsday, we have to finalize guest counts for all the functions, figure out to get the out-of-towners (basically anyone related to me) around town, convince some of my other relatives (who are legitimately round the twist) to even come…sigh. Getting married, not for the feint of heart!

Fashion, Friends, Humor, Wedding May 20, 2009May 20, 2009

Eve vs. The Apple

“Look for the woman in the dress; if there is no woman, there is no dress.”
-Coco Chanel

It never fails. Whenever I recommit to frugality (and, though I don’t mind spending money, I already do live well within my limits) I remember something I need to buy, find a place that tempts me to dump money into it, or go shopping with Venice. Usually some combination of the three.

Last night was the third option. I told the girls I asked to be bridesmaids long ago that I want them to pick out a dress they liked, that flattered them, and that they could wear again…I had no idea it would mean frantic searching and agony on their part, I thought I was doing something nice! Venice and I went on the hunt for bridesmaids dresses, and since we live in wedding central, we reasoned, surely there must be something. Two hours later we had encountered monstrosity after monstrosity (long, hunter’s orange, chiffon with a BOW! I didn’t know they actually were legally able to sell something that ugly!) and I could tell she was getting frustrated enough to chew nails! David’s Bridal was explored and discarded, some pretty dresses but ridiculously priced and the alterations would cost a separate fortune. Other bridal shops were the same, the dresses in varying degrees of loath-ability. We’re about the same height (aka short) and let me tell you, no one makes pretty petite bridesmaids dresses. In fact, I’d say that very few people make pretty petite clothing for women in their early twenties period, but that’s an entirely different rant for another day. As if finding a nice bridesmaids dress wasn’t a chore to begin with, finding one in a “specialty size” was pretty near impossible, we continue to be confounded by our height (or lack thereof).

Finally we through in the towel (after we had both stopped into Anchor Blue for flip flops because we both needed a pair, were still both in our work heels, and dying) and slumped home in defeat. Then! At 10 o’clock she called (ironic, since we now live two doors down from one another) and I hurried over to see this marvelous site: Shabby Apple. Another friend had introduced me to it months ago but the memory of it was long gone. It’s a small business run out of Salt Lake City, UT and they sell nothing but fabulous dresses! She found one she really liked (it’s so classy, and not something vile that one tosses in the back of a closet never to be seen again) so we ordered it and we’re now a step closer to being done with this whole parade!

…of course, there were repercussions…I’ve had next to nothing to do at work today so I spent the day cruising the website, having to physically restrain myself from whipping out the credit card! I’m currently drooling over a few and debating which to buy first when I’m no longer out of my I’m-getting-married-and-have-better-things-to-spend-my-money-on hell. …that and today I’m buying a pair of stunning emerald earrings to wear on the big day. A girl can’t have everything. At least not all at once.

For your horror/viewing pleasure you may check out the following. I can’t belive so many people are this cruel to their friends!

Friends, Humor, Wedding, Working Out May 4, 2009

T-Minus Two Months

“Whenever a woman asks me ‘What’s the best way to lose weight?’ I tell her, ‘Get engaged.'”
-David Zinczenko

Nothing like a form hugging (breath constricting) gown to make a girl commit!

Yes, folks, my caloric intake is down and my amount of time at the gym is up. My sleep is heavy and my morning yogurt is “light.” My waistline is in and my muscles are out (in a sleek, feminine sort of way). Barring any mental breakdown and the metric ton of brownies that I would medically require to get over it, roll on July 1!

In other wedding news, Catriona helped me get started on invitations and announcements last saturday, so my stress level in that department has bottomed out, bless her! We threw on Some Like it Hot, I addressed (my handwriting is still awful) and she stuffed envelopes and stamped. With the list much shorter now, life seems so much more bearable.

And in weddings other than my own, good grief! It seems like I get an invitation to a reception, shower, or hen night every day! J. and I went to Marie’s sister’s reception last week, his best friend is getting married this weekend, Kays is getting married the weekend after that, and I get a brief reprive the week after that (unless you count my final dress fitting-which will hopefully be angst free as long as those brownies aren’t required!).

Friends, Humor, Wedding April 29, 2009April 29, 2009

Dude, Where’s My Pants?

“We’re going for the law of probability here: if we take enough pictures then one of them has to turn out!”
(Later)
“Good grief! If he’s not looking stoned then I’m looking like a gargoyle!”
-C

So, after being engaged for months and getting married in just two, J. and I finally took engagement pictures to send out with our announcements. What a migraine! First I had to figure out what to wear (a war in and of itself). This required a mad dash through the mall, trying on and discarding a number of dresses, falling in love with a fabulous white linen one, dropping way too much on it, getting it home, lovingly pulling it out the next day to admire it and being seized by a horrible rush of, “I’ll look like a Stepford Wife!” before finally being calmed down by well meaning friends.

Then we actually took the pictures. After a day of perfect weather, by the time we got to our shooting site there were threatening clouds, of course, and an atmosphere of dust that had blown in from the desert. Didn’t matter, we manned up and smiled bravely while Kays (darling and patient girl that she was) clicked merrily away, delighting mostly in the pictures in which we looked particularly ghoulish. Kays and I then decamped to her house for selection and editing (J. went to Five Guys with the boys. Men).

After everything, the editing was the adventure. By 11:30 pm Kays and I were giggling hysterically as we scrolled through indiscernible blobs, improbable facial contortions, and the occasional good shot (I can count the photos of myself that I’ve liked over the years on one hand, I think I must look very different in my head than I do in real life… ). She, being the photoshop whiz that she is, tweaked a few things like brightening colors, and fixing my hair when I had a fit of narcissistic angst.

Then, just when we were about to pack up for the night, something caught my eye. We’d just spent half an hour on this one picture but something…something was wrong. What was it? My hair was flowing and my hips were at an angle that didn’t make them look huge, J. was annoyingly handsome and smiling, the colors were vibrant…WAIT A SECOND! I looked closer at J.’s trousers and nearly choked. Somehow, by trying to make the colors richer, we had turned his trousers into a gaping pants-shaped black hole! You couldn’t see any pockets, pleats, belt, or anything, it was just a black splotch where light went to die. AND we hadn’t saved the version of the photo we had worked on to fix everything else. We stared in dismay at the screen at the pre-edited photo and the creepy post-production, until I blurted in almost-midnight-and-exhausted panic, “Can’t we just crop in the trousers from the original picture?”
“I’m not sure if I can…” but Kays tried.

Eh voila! The Black Hole is no more, you can’t even tell that it was cropped. Of course we still have to make a final decision and for all I know we won’t even choose that one…but midnight drama with an old friend is worth it! Plus, if we decide today, I can order the prints and get started on announcements finally!

Humor, Shopping, Wedding April 27, 2009

Topping It Off

“Do NOT cut with something sharp!!”
-Label on veil box… (C. puts down knife a little shakily)

368-july-13-19-2008-decisions-decisions The wedding is now just 2 months off and not only is my stress level starting to rise, I’m also acquiring a small pile of rather fabulous stuff in the back corner of my closet! I’ve got the jewelry I’m planning on wearing, lingerie (courtesy of some bad influence friends), my amazing shoes, and my veil just arrived today. The veil was a major hangup (of all the things to stress about…I’m embarrassed for me), I went back and forth between a veil, a headband with side detailing, a headband with an extra small veil, flowers, brooches, nothing…FINALLY I found something I liked (that wasn’t fantastically out of my price range!) and ordered it. It’s a very petite birdcage style veil, very chic and haute couture without even coming close to breaking the bank. My mother once told me she raised me on champagne tastes with a soda pop budget, she was right. Unfortunately for her, this long-suffering woman has had to listen to me agonize over what I was putting on top of my head for weeks now, so I bet she’s as glad to have the issue resolved as I am!

Humor, Wedding April 14, 2009April 16, 2009

Dress, Distress, Duress

“I had my second dress fitting.”
“How’s it looking?”
“Fine. The only problem is me in it.”
-C. and Venice

I work our regularly, my weight hovers between a very healthy 115 and 120, I have low blood pressure, and I’ve achieved that rare state in a woman: I think my body looks pretty good. Or at least I did. On saturday I went in for another wedding dress fitting and my confidence crumbled at my feet. I don’t care if you’re freaking Gisele Bundchen, put on a form hugging dress in a really light color, turn on glaring, unforgiving fluorescent lights, and stand in front of nearly 360 degree mirrors and even you would suddenly feel whale-ish.

In other depressing wedding news, our invitations have come and while they look lovely, my mother wants them hand addressed. ?!?!?! I may have to get all my girlfriends together one night, promise them food in exchange for services, and beg them for their help because not only is my handwriting atrocious, the idea of addressing even just my share of our 400 invitations makes me want to cry! I’m fully aware that the reception is my parents’ party, they are paying for it, they are throwing it, they are hosting it, but I have this small whiny child inside me who wails, “Do I have to?”

Humor, Wedding April 9, 2009

Oh, the Guilt

“Never advise anyone to go to war or get married.”
-Spanish Proverb

So, I’ve discovered something: I don’t like registering for wedding presents! I feel like an absolute jerk while doing it, the line of thought seems to be : “Hi, I’m getting married, please buy me stuff.” I know it’s the Done Thing, but I still! And whenever I saw something that we actually needed or could use, of course I wanted quality which twisted the guilt knife even deeper. I’m SORRY I want non-stick pans (because I would ruin anything else) and a cheese grater that won’t fall to bits upon first use, good grief I never had buyer’s guilt for something I hadn’t actually bought! Make it stop!

Humor, Snark, Wedding April 7, 2009

Vacation’s Over

“Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.”
-Unknown

Back in early March I finished planning the wedding with a big sigh of relief. I finalized the food, flowers, decorations, invitations, dress, shoes, bridesmaids’ gifts, travel plans with family, and everything. Then I gratefully stopped thinking about the whole thing in order to focus on getting my apartment ready and moving in. The wedding was nice and far off and I was content not to think about it, plus it was mostly done, right?

Sigh. Yesterday I was rudely awakened from my wedding planning hibernation when Elysha called me to tell me my invitations were ready. Then, when we were in Target buying a microwave (because I’m a lost soul without one), J. reminded me that we need to register for things, and then a bunch of people reminded me about the actually getting ready part of the day (hair, makeup, all that torture), and THEN the spa I emailed months ago about the possibility of doing an early morning appointment for me and my friends for the big day finally emailed me back with information.

Apparently my break is over and I have to get back to work. The real big project for this party is going to be collecting addresses from people and getting them all out (have you seen the price of stamps?!) and I’m not going to love doing it. But since everything else is done…I have no way to procrastinate!

Once upon a time I asked my mother if I could elope and her response was, “Whatever you’d like, honey.” But! As soon as there was the legitimate chance of me getting married? “You. Will. Not. Even. Think. About. It.”

Humor, Short, Wedding March 30, 2009

Yes, We Get It, I’m Short!

“Well, we’re going to have to hem quite a lot. Let’s put your shoes on and see if that helps? …Not really…”
-Seamstress

I have to pay HOW much for the ability to walk?

Could someone please explain how the alterations for a wedding dress cost half as much as the dress itself? Does this seem right? I don’t care if they have to take three yards off the bottom so I can walk (slight exaggeration), it still seems horrendously exorbitant! On the upside, it’s still a gorgeous dress, and I saved it from near ruin. When I went in to get it altered the seamstresses were working on the same dress for another girl…and they had turned it into some sort of Jane-Austen-wanna-be-meets-prom-dress-gone-horribly wrong mistake. I am not spending money on something like this only to have it turned into some monstrosity. Gah, what an escape!

Friends, Wedding February 20, 2009February 20, 2009

Somebody’s Poisoned the Waterhole!

“I wish guys got some sort of engagement ring. Here I’ve got this thing that says, ‘BACK OFF,’ and what’s he got? His integrity? Fah.”
-C.

Something’s in the water, that’s the only excuse. We have four, possibly five I’m not sure, upcoming marriages in my office alone and my fingers are crossed for Hennessy and her man (no he should not buy a big screen TV, he should buy her something much smaller and shinier).

Best of all, my friend Kays is engaged to her boy, congrats! Never thought that my roommate from freshman year and I would be sporting rocks at the same time, but it’s pretty fun. I think she’s either exceptionally brave or recently sustained a devastating amount of brain damage because her big day is in mid-May and she’s got a little over two and a half months to throw things together. Her family is all nearby so she’ll have plenty of help (which may or may not be a good thing, families in this area being a particularly “frenzied about weddings” breed and all very opinionated) and she’s going to be a beautiful bride. I’m so excited for her, even if I think she’s adorably nuts.

Caring too much about ridiculous stuff can produce the above effect. Avoid! No one wants to marry Bridezilla.

There is a dangerous side to well meaning friends I’ve discovered. Daae, who took over Hennessy’s position when she moved up, used to work for a wedding planner and occasionally asks about my wedding plans when she walks by my desk. And when I shrug helplessly she gets this big grin and starts giving me ideas. Dangerous, interesting, attractive ideas where previously I was happily apathetic. Ignorance is bliss. Besides, with so many other engaged people around me, no one’s going to want to talk about mywedding plans and the more I’d think about it the crazier my ideas would get and with no one to bounce them off of I’d go quietly mad. I’ll let my friends have the psychotic freakouts and just keep a supply of ice cream in the freezer at all times.

Small Dog Syndrome