Tag: Humor

Humor, Linkstorm, London, Weekend

Friday Links XXXVIII ( Oh To Be In England Edition – Mostly)

“London is a roost for every bird.”
Benjamin Disraeli

Never has the phrase, “Lie back and think of England,” been invoked less perversely and with more fervor.

Jupiter Ammon, kittens, this week!  They either need to replace our missing officer or pay me more because this is getting ridiculous.  I have about three dozen things to do in the next couple of hours, so here are your links and let’s all pretend we’re already in London – it’s seriously the only thing that’s gotten me through the last few days!

I love the London transit system.  Sure the buses are hit and miss, and the chances of being shoved up in a stranger’s unwashed armpit during busy hours are fairly high, but you can get anywhere on it.  I can’t wait.  In the meantime, here’s a bit of humor to get me through.

Sad.

The National Trust is a wonderful organization, maintaining properties and houses, estates, lands, gardens, and parks.  Their website also occasionally contains treats like this  to get us through until we can hike the trails.

It’s so true, and it’s occasionally deeply funny.  You can spot the tourists trying to put on a British accent from a mile away in London, but apparently it’s happening on this side of the Atlantic as well.

Telling the truth when no one wants to hear it.  (Dad, and the anatomically squeamish, skip this one.)

The Daily Mail being “helpful:” look nice, but not too nice.  Thanks for that.

For such a delicious pastry, it does look pretty forlorn.

Interesting project!

Nothing is new, and the Egyptians always got there first.

I enjoy following politics, I consider myself a political person and highly opinionated, but even I am getting exhausted with this election cycle.  Let’s liven things up a bit, shall we?  People can be silly.

The weekly sheep.  Awww…

Humor, Life

Get Up, Get Out

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”
– Albert Einstein

Thanks for your lovely encouragement the other week.  All evil overladies should have a coterie of such fabulous minions.  I’m taking it to heart and working out a few schemes!

J. and I went on a bit of a spree last night.  He picked me up from the gym and we ran a couple of boring errands – and quite suddenly we decided to run more errands for fun and ended up driving nearly all the way to the city mostly just to wander around shops.  And this is not a pastime either of us are known for.  I found his birthday present and took advantage of free samples (I am a sucker for lotions and potions, particularly the kind I don’t have to pay for).  Burgundy was on the mind, we both trawled for the shade – he for pants I for a blazer.  We ended up getting ice cream, which we haven’t done in months if not a couple of years.

It was delightful!  It’s nothing big but we’ve not done anything spontaneous of late and deciding in the late evening (still dressed in workout gear) to just go was remarkably refreshing.  There is nothing so mind numbing as routine and boredom.  Slough it off whenever you can.

If necessary, fight.
Humor, Linkstorm

Monday Links I / XXXVII (like James VII and II at the same time)

I had an earache, headache, stomachache, and sore throat most of the weekend, went home early on Friday and still made it to our niece’s feis (pronounced “fesh”), her Irish dance competition, on Saturday.  Winningest aunt award.  Also, drugs are fantastic.  So, better late than never, lovelies, here are some fun things I found for you, let’s have a better week than my weekend, m’kay?

A group of gentlemen in Scotland, mutual interested in find drink and fine tailoring have started a club.  I approve.

A friend of mine recently revisited the Meyer-Briggs personality test – you may recall that I was an ENTJ.  Apparently I still am, and apparently so is every major super-villain ever, with the exception of Professor Moriarty from Sherlock.  And J.’s personality matches his.  Between the two of us, we could take over the world and be thoroughly unpleasant dictators.  Minions will, of course, all be given post high in the government that they may or may not be qualified for.

Napoleon was an ENTJ too, and so are most small dogs.  Aren’t they, ducklings?  Here’s some small dog syndrome pictorial goodness for you to enjoy.

The Coveteur is a fabulous site showcasing fabulous people looking fabulous.  This is my favorite of their profiles – the quotes are the best.

Speaking of fabulous, who knew?!

Perspective.

In the words of Liz Lemon, I want to go to there.  Looks highly suitable for this time of year.

More Halloween stuff – this is so true and depresses me unbelievably.

Would you?

Mr. Rogers defends American public television.  So say we all!

There!  I fixed it!  (Seriously, this site got me through Friday…)

Humor, Linkstorm, Weekend

Friday Links XXXVI (Sense of Humor Intact)

“There is little chance that meteorologists can solve the mysteries of weather until they gain an understanding of the mutual attraction of rain and weekends.”
– Arnot Sheppard

Life may be dull, but we must press on, darlings.  As hard as Fall makes me want to up sticks and hitchhike to London now, it is still my favorite season and I’m throwing myself into it.  The other day I came home and immediately was seized with the baking frenzy – apple turnovers in cheddar cheese crusts and a spiced apple cake were the result and I’m still smug about them.  Today was also the first morning that required a light coat (specifically my stylish new trench that I bought on sale and in preparation for the London move, a trench being an absolute necessity for British life), which made me a bit giddy to be honest.  Fall has the best fashion, the best food, what else is there?

I’m also getting revved up for the holiday season, which when properly and liturgically observed lasts well into the new year!  Any excuse for good food and good company.  Marie and her husband Janus survived the adopted family trial period of last Christmas and are going to spend Thanksgiving with us in Virginia this year!  Anyone else who shows up will be very welcome, we’ll have pie.

Here are your links, well-beloved minions.  You’ve earned them.

I spend an average of an hour and a half working out, and my salary hasn’t changed one iota.  I call foul.

I cannot begin to express how upset this makes me.  My family is involved in scouting, both my brothers and my husband are Eagle Scouts, my father and grandfather participated in the program, I was a Venture Scout (the co-ed version of Boy Scouts – you should have seen the boys’ faces when our car rolled up with girls in it at camp.  An equally mix of offended, elated, and panicked), my brothers have jamboree-d on Lord Baden-Powell’s estate.  We like scouts.  But this is unacceptable.  BSA has been making a lot of decisions lately that have deeply disappointed me and caused me to rethink my support, which is saddening.

Since various misinformed, misogynistic nincompoops politicians have been throwing out “facts” lately, here’s a good introductory guide as to what birth control is, what it does, and what it doesn’t do.  The more you know, kittens.  Page four is political so be aware.

Social media tells me that another reason to look forward to fall are pumpkin lattes, which are apparently The Best Thing Ever.  I’m a tea over coffee girl, myself, so this rather stumps me.  Latte minded minions weigh in.

I have been to Italy multiple times, but when I was in Venice I was a child.  But I remember it (particularly the pigeons and the rather bad time we had at the glassblowing island, but after that it was lovely).  And this photo makes me want to go back and go to dinner.

The appeal…is utterly lost on me.

You may have watched the debate this week.  Good.  It’s important to take political involvement seriously.

People being decent.

I plan on being the reincarnation of this character when I’m old.  And I plan on enjoying it tremendously.

It’s October and the witching hour is upon us, so in that spirit (see what I did there?), here’s a tale of superstition to whet your appetites.

This excites me to an embarrassing degree, I cannot wait to see how the revamped season will go (and I especially Maeby with Catherine of Braganza hair).

The weekly sheep, a bit more grotesque than usual.

*photo from Glamour.com

Humor, Life, London, Work

More of the Same

“Even boredom has its crises.”
– Mason Cooley

There’s been more than the usual amount of radio silence here at Small Dog Enterprises.  We’ve had a few shifts around at work which has meant short (if any) lunch breaks and coming in early/staying late.  And as lunch is when I do a good portion of my writing, you can see how this leads to a general problem.  Never fear, this is (supposedly) a limited issue and hopefully a replacement will be found for the cad who’s departure left us in the lurch – looking at you, Off. Lampost!

The long and short of it is that I’ve taken on all police front desk area work so my workload has at least doubled.  The irony of it.  I’ve been asking for more things to do since about the time I started here four years ago (Sidenote- gack!  Four years!  Time to go) and I’m sure there are any number of quotes to the effect that Providence punishes people by giving them exactly what they ask for.

But also, as per usual for this time of year, I’m feeling stuck again.  I think Autumn is so wrapped up in my head with new changes, projects and challenges that when it rolls around and nothing changes significantly, I start to get antsy.

I am ready to move on.  I’ve come to appreciate this job, as much as I like to grouse about it, because it has taught me to work.  I thought I knew what work was when I graduated university – four years later I look back on my younger self with a headshake and a, “Oh, honey, just you wait.”  But now that I have some applicable skills under my belt, I want to do something with them besides just answering phones and puncturing helicopter parents when they start to swell up because their beloved child got in trouble.  I’m nervous to look for work again, but oddly excited too.

I am ready to live somewhere new.  I grew up moving so much that staying in one place for too long makes me claustrophobic, and I’ve now been in this corner of the world for longer than I’ve lived anywhere.  It would be going too far to say that I hate it here, but it’s not an exaggeration that I could never set foot here again and be perfectly happy.  I stayed for J., and I’ve never regretted it for one moment, but that doesn’t mean I won’t gleefully drive away and never look back.

I am so ready for us to be a two income family (apparently the term for that is DINK – dual income, no kids.  I’m not sure I’ll categorize myself as such, though) and not stuck in this quasi-student exsistence.

I cannot wait to be back in London, where you can’t be bored or stiffled if you tried.  The weather may be terrible, the rent may be high, the practicalities of life might weigh, but there is always somewhere to go, something to do, places to just be.  You’ll never run into the same person twice (as opposed to where we are now where the vast majority of the population seem to be clones of one another, albeit in a more futile than frigtening way).  And there is always something to explore.

I am ready for change, ducklings, and so these days, with their oppresive Sameness are just a bit more smothering than usual.

So!  How do you get through the boring bits?  Clearly this isn’t a life skill I’ve properly developed, which is why it’s such a handy thing to have lovely minions to interrogate.  Share your thoughts and recommendations, Aunty C. needs them.

Jupiter Ammon! My worst fear incarnated!
Humor, Linkstorm, Weekend

Friday Links XXXV (Animal Kindom Edition)

“I do like escapism.  I like going to the movies on a Friday night and seeing something fun.”
– Charlie Kaufman

I truly have no idea what this photo has to do with anything. Enjoy it.

It’s another game weekend, which means an awful lot of scurrying about to prepare for it – and a lot of sympathy for the poor football player who came in earlier to report that someone hit his car in the parking lot.  Shake it off, dude, we need you!

I have a Girl’s Day with the ladies of my godfamily planned for tomorrow, laundry to fold, and I fully intend on blackmailing J. to taking me to seep “Looper,” since he unwittingly revealed a major spoiler and must atone for such a mistake.  What soirees/minor acts of revenge are you participating in this weekend, ducklings?

You may remember a while back that an incredibly impressive computer was developed.  When this paragon was set up with the ability to search the web, it immediately started “viewing” cat videos.  In that spirit, some enterprising soul condensed the internets down for you to one video for you.  You’re welcome.

Kate Spade New York has some really nice city guides for the travel minded.  Of course I checked out the London one to compare notes, but now I’m craving a jaunt to Copenhagen.

The Queen talks back!

Elmo: red, cuddly, fashionista.  Who knew.

This woman is impressive.  And the internet is finally good for undoing some unfortunate behavior.

The hell?!

Tomorrow, tens of thousands of museums across the country will be offering free admission!  Minions are encouraged to take advantage.

You may remember that J. and I picked up some E. H. Shepard prints for Winnie the Pooh while in London, but he also did the original artwork for The Wind in the Willows, another of my childhood favorites.  Here’s a glimpse into some of his drawings.  Toad holding court with the cigar is my favorite.

Here, another animal video.  This one brought J. much joy.

Good grief, it’s Mother Nature’s Little Darlings day, here’s one of the funniest photos I’ve seen in a while.  It’s all fun and games until one of these things stabs Steve Irwin in the heart, kids.

My planned jack-o’lantern for Halloween this year suddenly seems a lot less impressive.

And the weekly sheep.  Endlessly.

Humor, Linkstorm, Weekend

Friday Links XXXIV

“I understand what it’s like to work all week and on Friday night just want to go and leave your brain at the door, buy some popcorn and be thrilled by something.”
– Don Cheadle

Here we are again, minions, and aren’t we glad?  This week has gone by very quickly, which is nice, but generally that implies the weekend will fly by equally fast, which is not nice at all.  Last weekend was almost a total waste: Jeff and I slept in both Saturday and Sunday and went to bed early, so before we knew it Monday had swung back around.  Fingers crossed for more relaxation this time around.  We’re going to catch up on some Dr. Who.  Big, big plans, I know.  Here are you links, enjoy!

Fascinating story on academic cheating.

Slowpokes.

Are you in need of some noir, kittens?  You look like you’re in need of some noir.  Mind you turn on the music first.

J. and I have semi-annual dentist appointments on Monday.  We (the human race) have come a long way.

Wedding season is winding down, but I still found this hysterical.

And this.  This made me giggle as well.

It was inevitable, of course it was.

Christmas is coming, and the goose is getting ordered.

Gah.  Right up there with indoor plumbing, here’s another reason to be glad we live when we do, she-minions.

The weekly sheep, kicking butt and taking names.

Humor, Husband, Marriage

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

“There are many men of principle in both parties in America, but there is no party of principle.”
~Alexis de Tocqueville

You know, sometimes I take a lot of things about J. for granted (he’s a really impressive specimen), but now and then his stellar points are highlighted.  A friend recently took me aside to ask if J. and I are politically in sync, because she suspected we weren’t and wondered how we dealt with it.  Election season has come to her house and she and her husband are not exactly aligned.  I was torn between thinking, “Oh, look, we are the very model of a modern [major] marriage,” and, “Ha!  Fooled another one!”  But on reflection, I was reminded again just how much I appreciate J. for the fact that he profoundly respects my right to disagree.

Working at a police department gives me ample evidence that not all marriages are like this.  Our congregation, nice as it can be, often provides examples that not all marriages are like this.  Even among some friends I’ve seen relationships made of people who do not respect the right to have differing opinions.  And this has always bothered me because it seems like such a basic human thing – if I demand the right to think and believe what I will, without reference to any other person, surely that means I have an obligation to render than same right to others.  My marriage is like that, all my close friendships are like that, but is it a commonality or a rare thing?

It is shocking to me how many people in marriages, partnerships, and friendships do not give one another the right to disagree.  How do you get through the day, much less an election season!  Every opinion is a potential battle, every thought a potentially traitorous action – it must be exhausting.  I know it is, I’ve seen so many people exhausted by it.

J. and I are not politically aligned (he’s center, I’m left of center), we’re not identical religiously, and widely divided on sports – but it doesn’t matter.  Our ethics line up, the values we look for in others we find in one another, we are a team.  When we disagree, we assume that the other person has come to their opinion through thought, personal experience, and logic, and we do not call one another idiots, bombard one another with new clippings (of varying degrees of authenticity), or rail against the other.  We do not make it a project to overhaul one another consciences.

I used to think this sort of relationship was normal.  I’m starting to wonder if I’m lucky.

Sound off, ducklings, I know many of you have wonderful friendships and relationships unaffected by dogmas of any kind.  Have you ever been in a situation where dogma made a work relationship, friendship, or family situation uncomfortable (goodness knows I have!), and how did you make it work?  Restore my faith in people during political open season!

Humor, Law Enforcement, Work

Fingerprinting Anthropology

“If you don’t have anything to match it to, you know, they’re just fingerprints.”
– Yvonne Martinez

Because everyone and their cousin have been getting fingerprinted lately, I started taking some unofficial statistics on their answers when inputting their biometric data.  The results have been interesting, you learn a lot about a person.

People who are from a state bordering Mexico and the Gulf, or are south of the Mason-Dixon line are three times more likely (when applicable, of course) to give their race as “White” rather than “Caucasian.”

Men are more than twice as likely than women to give their race (when applicable) as “White” rather than “Caucasian.”

When asked, “What gender do you claim,” there being several legally protected categories, men over 27 are four times more likely to laugh awkwardly or make a derisive sound than younger men before answering, “Male.”  Since I’ve been tracking only one female has expressed surprise at the question.

Asians are three times more likely to answer the question, “What ethnicity do you claim,” with their country of original descent (i.e. Korean, Japanese, Chinese), than those with Latin American ancestry, who are more likely to give their ethnicity as, “Hispanic.”

Individuals under 21 are less likely to have their Social Security number memorized.  International students and visitors under 21 in possession of a SS number are twice as likely than their American counterparts to have them memorized.

Individuals who don’t have their social security memorized are twice as likely to be carrying their SS card on their person.  (Editor’s Law Enforcement Note: Don’t do this!)

Individuals over 25 are more likely to have cash on them when paying for the service.

Individuals getting fingerprinted for Bar exams are most likely to wait until the last day to turn in their applications to get fingerprinted, and thus are more likely to be brusque and hurried through the process.  (Not scientifically verifiable.)