Category: Fashion

Fashion, Friends, Humor, Shopping July 17, 2009

Stuck In The Closet

“Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
-Mark Twain

Women of the world, raise your voices in the age old cry with me, “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!”

HarpersNothingWear And, melodramatic as it may sound, I genuinely mean it! From the moment I got engaged, my so-called frivolous spending (Frivolous: as if looking good isn’t important. Did none of you endure high school? I spent mine more or less a tragic mess) was sharply curtailed. Money was put towards a new apartment with a significant raise in rent, utilities had to be set up (which generally involved some sort of fee in varying degrees of heftiness), and I had to start putting down payments on everything. My parents paid for the reception which was gorgeous (pictures may or may not be forthcoming, the photographer we used for it did a terrible job. And I’m not saying that facetiously, ask Venice. Bad), but I paid for my gown myself, plus shoes, veil, jewelry, hair, salon time for my bridesmaids and mom, bridesmaids presents, plus extra invitations when we discovered we didn’t have enough. All that means much less money to spend on food, frolic, and fashion than a single girl might be used to.

Which leads me to my current predicament: this has been the first summer I’ve worked a legitimate post-university job. I spent my first two university summers working in Belgium (significantly cooler than the western U.S. desert I’m currently sweltering in) and the next two either taking classes (and therefore in jean and tee shirts) or travelling/visiting my family in England. My student jobs on campus all required me to dress up for work so my wardrobe had a couple pairs of nice trousers, pencil skirts, and nice shirts…all appropriate to an autumn and winter climate. I also have a fair amount of jeans and teeshirts, which I can only wear on weekends now. I have a new reason to long for my student days!

And so, now the many lovely cashmere sweaters I’ve amassed are no good. The carefully-tended-to-make-them-last classic wool trousers are worthless in 90-100 degree weather. Even long sleeves shirts are a heat-exhaustion risk for me because I like my weather much cooler, with more clouds in the sky, and a decent wind blowing, and not even 4+ years in this part of the world has cured me of that. My boots, scarves, hats, dark tights, and coats, fabulous as they are, are simply useless to me until September!

349331010_6151669d3c Women seem to be slightly more at the whim of the vicissitudes of fashion than men. It may just be me, but I’ve observed that our clothing seems to be made of flimsier stuff, which means that we either need to A) replace it often as it wears out, which costs us more, or B) have a large enough wardrobe to begin with so that we can rotate clothing so no one player gets too much time in the field. This also requires not only money, but time, and planning! And, even though I’m getting better, putting outfits together is not a skill that comes effortlessly to me. My fabulous and talented friend Janssen over at Everyday Reading has an equally fabulous and talented sister who spent a couple of months showing her daily outfits on her blog, sadly she’s not doing it anymore because I got some really good ideas from it (along with bouts of mind mangling jealousy). And this girl occasionally makes lots of her own amazing clothing! Oh mother, how do I now regret those basic sewing lessons I scorned in my youth!

Of course it’s currently mid-July, so summer won’t be lasting much longer, so I should probably suck it up and just continue to rotate my two pairs of lightweight trousers for another month and a half. We’re now starving newlyweds, trying to save enough to get to England to see my family for Christmas. But…but…

Fashion, Humor, Marriage July 9, 2009July 21, 2009

Painting, Pyro-ing, and the Proletariat

“Um, we’re mature enough to be married…honestly…”
-C.

Think impressionism, Pac Man, horribly pretentious comments about class structure (on the part of starving newlywed/students), peacocks, pyrotechnics, possibly a little lawbreaking don’t mix? You’ve clearly never been on a group date with Venice, Val, J., and C.

Last night we went to Color Me Mine, stayed there until 9 when we got kicked out, at which time we hit up the “lower income” (quote by J.) supermarket that recently opened in the area that sells nearly expired products at discount for some ice cream…but on our way back to pay for it, what should we spy but fireworks.

Editor's Note: Not done by Venice, Val, J., or C. No one in our pyro party are nearly as impressive as this.

We really had no other option than to buy some. Really, none. It was imperative. Venice and I loaded up our arms with sparklers while the guys practically dove into the bins trying to find the best, er, bang for their buck. This was discovered in the form of an explosive intriguingly labeled the “Jumping Cyber Monkey” (the boys faces lit with unholy glee, you should have seen it).

Then we scurried back home to hold bunches of sparklers and light them at the same time (I nearly died), frolick around twirling them, light off the Jumping Cyber Monkey (which made a little more noise than anticipated towards the end) while Venice did her signature dance move in front of it (which is indescribable…truly), and round off the evening by lighting “worms” (which look like nothing so much as flaming, growing poop) while we giggled.

Like I said. We’re responsible, mature adults. Really.

Fashion, Humor, Wedding June 4, 2009June 4, 2009

Prelude

“Tell me if I stick you with a hairpin or something. But beauty knows no pain, right?” (Sprays me with a whoosh of hairspray)
“HACK!”
“Or oxygen either, try not to breathe.”
-Stylist and C.

Yesterday I got a preview of what the wedding day is going to be like from a practical point of view, we took our bride and groom pictures together. Good grief! I spent twenty minutes picking up flowers, an hour and a half getting my hair done, another half hour doing my face (pore strips, scrubbing, messing up eyeliner twice…the usual set of catastrophes you have when you have something that you really need to look good for), and a mad ten minute dash trying to find things last minute. Even though I had amassed everything I thought we could possibly need earlier in the day.

Finally, my hair drenched in enough hair spray to drown Russia (my stylist was a little enthusiastic with the bottle) and my arms full of shoe boxes, veil boxes, ring boxes, and sheets to protect my gown, we decamped to our photographer’s studio to meet up with her and Darling. Then we had to get me into my dress when, horror! We found the back didn’t fasten at one point. Just as I was about to tumble down a well of fresh angst about my body type, L’Artiste discovered we just hadn’t done it up properly, so I haven’t gained weight but apparently I have lost brain cells. Things were much better after liftoff, L’Artiste is a fabulous photographer and had such fun ideas I can’t wait to see how they turned out. The only problem was worrying about getting my dress dirty and in the end it came out pristine! Don’t ask me how, I’ve no idea, I’m mostly concerned with being grateful!

Moral of the story: the wedding day is going to be a project, I’m going to have to get up at the crack of midnight to get everything together (factoring in several turnarounds to retrieve forgotten/misplaced items), and I will spend a day in a dress that deprives me of oxygen. And it will all turn out gorgeously.

…I hope…!

Fashion, Friends, Humor, Wedding May 20, 2009May 20, 2009

Eve vs. The Apple

“Look for the woman in the dress; if there is no woman, there is no dress.”
-Coco Chanel

It never fails. Whenever I recommit to frugality (and, though I don’t mind spending money, I already do live well within my limits) I remember something I need to buy, find a place that tempts me to dump money into it, or go shopping with Venice. Usually some combination of the three.

Last night was the third option. I told the girls I asked to be bridesmaids long ago that I want them to pick out a dress they liked, that flattered them, and that they could wear again…I had no idea it would mean frantic searching and agony on their part, I thought I was doing something nice! Venice and I went on the hunt for bridesmaids dresses, and since we live in wedding central, we reasoned, surely there must be something. Two hours later we had encountered monstrosity after monstrosity (long, hunter’s orange, chiffon with a BOW! I didn’t know they actually were legally able to sell something that ugly!) and I could tell she was getting frustrated enough to chew nails! David’s Bridal was explored and discarded, some pretty dresses but ridiculously priced and the alterations would cost a separate fortune. Other bridal shops were the same, the dresses in varying degrees of loath-ability. We’re about the same height (aka short) and let me tell you, no one makes pretty petite bridesmaids dresses. In fact, I’d say that very few people make pretty petite clothing for women in their early twenties period, but that’s an entirely different rant for another day. As if finding a nice bridesmaids dress wasn’t a chore to begin with, finding one in a “specialty size” was pretty near impossible, we continue to be confounded by our height (or lack thereof).

Finally we through in the towel (after we had both stopped into Anchor Blue for flip flops because we both needed a pair, were still both in our work heels, and dying) and slumped home in defeat. Then! At 10 o’clock she called (ironic, since we now live two doors down from one another) and I hurried over to see this marvelous site: Shabby Apple. Another friend had introduced me to it months ago but the memory of it was long gone. It’s a small business run out of Salt Lake City, UT and they sell nothing but fabulous dresses! She found one she really liked (it’s so classy, and not something vile that one tosses in the back of a closet never to be seen again) so we ordered it and we’re now a step closer to being done with this whole parade!

…of course, there were repercussions…I’ve had next to nothing to do at work today so I spent the day cruising the website, having to physically restrain myself from whipping out the credit card! I’m currently drooling over a few and debating which to buy first when I’m no longer out of my I’m-getting-married-and-have-better-things-to-spend-my-money-on hell. …that and today I’m buying a pair of stunning emerald earrings to wear on the big day. A girl can’t have everything. At least not all at once.

For your horror/viewing pleasure you may check out the following. I can’t belive so many people are this cruel to their friends!

Fashion, Humor, Work March 11, 2009

Killing Time

“Are you not entertained?!”
-Gladiator

Let’s face it: work can drag. Actually, and not to be overdramatic, but work can slowly suck the will to live right out of you and leave you an empty, hollow shell.

Overwhelmed Office Worker While there is no known cure for this rotting of the soul, there are several ways to retard the symptoms. Some of the most popular of these techniques include: inventing sports to be played with office supplies, faking long “important” conversations with coworkers the topic of which suspiciously changes to something rather trivial when the boss leaves the area, or surfing the internet until you feel your brain turning to putty between your ears. Personally I blog and read books online, although Hennessy and Daae to chat it up a lot when we get the chance! Another tactic is to strategically let my work pile up in the morning so I have something to do all afternoon, while still appearing to be busy will the boring office maintenance stuff I have to get done every day.

Today there was a new way to make the hours tick by! The university is holding a three day conference of lectures you can attend on the clock. Wise, Susie, Doll, and I all ducked out for three glorious hours from nine until noon and then I had to meet with Maetani at one so basically my entire day has been spoken for. Then I get to do it again tomorrow…and again the day after! Friday the 13th unlucky? I think not!

"I am fabulous, please join me in celebrating how fabulous I am. I'm so fabulous, in fact...oh right! YOU people..."

The introductory speaker I could have done without but in a way she was amusing: basically she talked about herself non-stop for an hour and in no way tied it in with the topic of the conference, made her personal life applicable to any of her listeners, or managed to be inspiring. Maybe that doesn’t strike anyone else as funny but I appreciated the irony of a demotivating motivational speaker. Or maybe I was just really glad to be out of the office.

The amusement continues tonight with ANTM! This week: makeovers! Last week the ghetto un-fabulous contestant Angelea didn’t make the top 12 (for which I was deeply grateful, being unable to get over her bad fake hair, and bad green fake nails) but the other one I’m disliking strongly will probably stick around for a while because even thought she’s an absolute wench she certainly looks modelesque. I wish bad photo shoots upon her.

Oh! Last week’s intellectual gem? Angelea stating, “That girl is really pulling my buttons.” I laughed with unholy glee.

Fashion, Friends, Humor February 23, 2009February 23, 2009

Fashion Forward

“Remember that always dressing in understated good taste is the same as playing dead.”
-Susan Catherine

This is a momentous week, my friends, and even before I tell you why I can feel the judgement emanating from your eyeballs as you read this. The answer is simple, it’s my own little Fashion Week in Small Dog Syndrome Land: Oscars last night and America’s Next Top Model starts this Wednesday. See? I feel it already.

Growing up I wasn’t exactly a tomboy so much as I never learned how to be a girl. In middle school Peregrine tried vainly to force me into blow drying my hair regularly, then I lived on Guam during high school where hair product and makeup would have come to a sticky and unattractive end anyway so no one bothered, and THEN I moved to a university where lots of the girls tend to have hair and makeup that would rival any beauty queens in both height and thickness respectively. But slowly and surely I gleaned the necessary skills to keep from looking like a gorgon OR a Blondezilla and now I (think I) have my hair and face under control.

However, even when I was myself hopeless, I have always loved fashion! I have always liked it when people find a way to make practical things interesting and beautiful, Fancy food, lingerie, fun architecture, even colored post-it notes are great, anything that does a job but looks good doing it is worth the time and money. And clothes? They keep you from being naked but they also show your personal taste, demonstrate solidarity with groups or complete independence, convey position…they just talk and tell stories. And they’re such fun! So obviously watching the Oscars is like being a kid in a couture candy store!

My thoughts on the night’s gowns? Read on, let me know what you think:

So close! I LOVE me a red dress, but the carpet matching hurts.

So close again! If only you'd worn your Prada dress instead of your Prada sheets!

– I really wanted to like Amy Adams’ dress, Carlina Herrera, in another venue I probably would have but she looked like she was emerging from the red carpet and so I’m going to have to regretfully say no. Her Fred Leighton necklace though? To DIE for!
– Jessica Biel’s dress wasn’t entirely off, Prada is always stunning and I do like structured bodices, but this one hid too much of her fabulous form. The color and the fabric are beautiful, but she looks a bit too much like she just rolled out of bed. And not in the good way.

Two thumbs way, way down. Beyonce, this smacks of your mother's designing...

Too bridey. — Taraji, too elegant to be shunned.

– Beyonce. Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce…you coined the phrase “bootylicious,” why must you encase yourself in a black and gold monstrosity? The bodice cut would have even worked if you didn’t have the weird graphic, but I absolutely and forever will hate fish-tail dresses.
– Taraji Henson’s Roberto Cavalli gown was so elegant! It was almost too bridey for me, but when I tried to think of another color it would have been equally stunning in I couldn’t so I’m going to have to let this one slide. Ethereal and graceful. The hair was a bit boring but still equisitely ladylike, and I’m going to say redeemed by the pop of her red bag. Nice sparklers around the neck too.

The dreaded fish-tail strikes again (see Beyonce above). It just doesn't work, please let it go.

–Penelope Cruz’s Pierre Balmain gown was lovely in its own way, but again with the bridal thing? Her’s even has the big skirt and sweetheart neckline. Pretty dress, but I didn’t like it for the Oscars.
–Melissa George. Dolce and Gabanna let her wear their stuff? What were you thinking?! That is all.

Not all the pundits agree, but I thought she looked great. Classic black always works, and goodness knows I love my emeralds!

Evan wins for the evening, in my book at least. Favorite look of the night!

– I love Angelina Jolie (post Billy Bob Thorton) and I think that she always looks elegant. Maybe her style isn’t as flashy and provocative as some people would like, but I think her choices tend to be pretty good. There was a forgettable Armani Atlier once and a mumu-esque mistake for her Changeling premier, but by and large I think her minimalistic style really works. She wore an Elie Saab in a classic black. Hate away stylists everywhere, I liked it!
– My favorite look of the night was Evan Rachel Woods in another Elie Saab. Also understated, but beautiful lines, gorgeous detail work on the bodice, and suited her peaches-and-cream complexion perfectly. Subdued but fabulous earrings, and dark nails (love ’em!).

I am deeply in lust with Angie's earrings. My most coveted item of the night. — I am deeply in lust with these sparklies. My most coveted item of the night.

Since I’m still poor I have to live vicariously through the TV. Margot and I met up with Angel at her house to watch the Oscars, make last minute bets about which movies/people would win, and (for me at least) drool over the dresses. Unfortunately I think the Disney Princess Leauge gowns were bad and there were way too many bridal looking gowns (No, I’m not being selfish and self-centered, I just don’t want to see brides on the red carpet. Mine isn’t even white, back off!)

Others were equally stunning, Anne Hathaway was breathtaking as usual, and Best Actress Kate Winslet’s black and blue off-the-shoulder number was lovely. Meryl Streep’s gray dress I didn’t care for at all, and Sophia Loren? Ghastly!

Lest we forget, the accessories were lovely: Taraji Henson’s bag and Amy Adam’s necklace being in the top three, but I love emeralds. Love them. My engagement ring attests to that. Ergo I must must must find a way to steal Angelina Jolie’s Lorraine Schwartz earrings.

Finally, the WORST looks of the night? Miley Cyrus in Zuhair Murad. Scarlett O’Hara managed to make drapes look good, what’s your excuse? And Sophia Loren? Goodness knows we love you but WTF?!

: What is this? Fish scales meets dirty south? Fire whoever told her to wear this, stat!

Fashion, Humor, Shameful February 12, 2009February 12, 2009

A Clean, Crisp Look

“That’s a small?!”
-Susie

Somewhere in our military storage (the location of which I can roughly narrow down to “somewhere on one of three continents”) there is a photo album. In this photo album is a picture, that my parents find hilarious, of me as an infant dressed in a once-white onesie and absolutely covered in spaghetti and sauce, and completely thrilled about the situation. Though I can’t remember the incident it seems to have kicked off a lifetime curse of being messy/klutzy/generally imparied when it comes to cleanliness, pasta sauce, and white shirts.

Eating luch at J.’s I was attacked by a tortellini shell which took an enthusiastic dive off my fork and straight down my best white shirt. Luckily we have a bunch of (horrifically ugly) department shirts in our supply room so I found the smallest one I could and made the switch…and then doubled over laughing in the closet. I dashed to Susie’s office to show off the marvelous sight of this “small” shirt ending somewhere around my knees, the sleeves of which extended long over my finger tips with armholes that take up half of my rib cage.

I had to tuck what feels like a couple yards of fabric into my trousers, which needless to says feels unbecomingly bulky, and roll the sleeves up three times to get them to just below my elbows. I look like I’m having an illicit affair with a police dispatcher and had to sneak out in his shirt this morning!

Humor. Opinions. Life in London.

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