Fashion Forward

Remember that always dressing in understated good taste is the same as playing dead.”
-Susan Catherine

This is a momentous week, my friends, and even before I tell you why I can feel the judgement emanating from your eyeballs as you read this.  The answer is simple, it’s my own little Fashion Week in Small Dog Syndrome Land: Oscars last night and America’s Next Top Model starts this Wednesday.  See?  I feel it already. 

Growing up I wasn’t exactly a tomboy so much as I never learned how to be a girl.  In middle school Peregrine tried vainly to force me into blow drying my hair regularly, then I lived on Guam during high school where hair product and makeup would have come to a sticky and unattractive end anyway so no one bothered, and THEN I moved to a university where lots of the girls tend to  have hair and makeup that would rival any beauty queens in both height and thickness respectively.  But slowly and surely I gleaned the necessary skills to keep from looking like a gorgon OR a Blondezilla and now I (think I) have my hair and face under control. 

However, even when I was myself hopeless, I have always loved fashion!  I have always liked it when people find a way to make practical things interesting and beautiful,  Fancy food, lingerie, fun architecture, even colored post-it notes are great, anything that does a job but looks good doing it is worth the time and money.  And clothes?  They keep you from being naked but they also show your personal taste, demonstrate solidarity with groups or complete independence, convey position…they just talk and tell stories.  And they’re such fun!  So obviously watching the Oscars is like being a kid in a couture candy store!

My thoughts on the night’s gowns?  Read on, let me know what you think:

So close!  I LOVE me a red dress, but the carpet matching hurts.
So close! I LOVE me a red dress, but the carpet matching hurts.
So close again!  If only you'd worn your Prada dress instead of your Prada sheets!
So close again! If only you'd worn your Prada dress instead of your Prada sheets!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              – I really wanted to like Amy Adams’ dress, Carlina Herrera, in another venue I probably would have but she looked like she was emerging from the red carpet and so I’m going to have  to regretfully say no.  Her Fred Leighton necklace though?  To DIE for! 
Jessica Biel’s dress wasn’t entirely off, Prada is always stunning and I do like structured bodices, but this one hid too much of her fabulous form.  The color and the fabric are beautiful, but she looks a bit too much like she just rolled out of bed.  And not in the good way.
Two thumbs way, way down.  Beyonce, this smacks of your mother's designing...
Two thumbs way, way down. Beyonce, this smacks of your mother's designing...
Too bridey.
Taraji, too elegant to be shunned.
                                                                                                                              – Beyonce.  Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce…you coined the phrase “bootylicious,” why must you encase yourself in a black and gold monstrosity?  The bodice cut would have even worked if you didn’t have the weird graphic, but I absolutely and forever will hate fish-tail dresses. 
Taraji Henson’s Roberto Cavalli gown was so elegant!  It was almost too bridey for me, but when I tried to think of another color it would have been equally stunning in I couldn’t so I’m going to have to let this one slide.  Ethereal and graceful.  The hair was a bit boring but still equisitely ladylike, and I’m going to say redeemed by the pop of her red bag.  Nice sparklers around the neck too.
Gorgeous, but still too bridey!
Gorgeous, but still too bridey!
The dreaded fish-tail strikes again (see Beyonce above).  It just doesn't work, please let it go.
The dreaded fish-tail strikes again (see Beyonce above). It just doesn't work, please let it go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                   –Penelope Cruz’s Pierre Balmain gown was lovely in its own way, but again with the bridal thing?  Her’s even has the big skirt and sweetheart neckline.  Pretty dress, but I didn’t like it for the Oscars.
Melissa GeorgeDolce and Gabanna let her wear their stuff?  What were you thinking?!  That is all.

 

Not all the pundits agree, but I thought she looked great.  Classic black always works, and goodness knows I love my emeralds!
Not all the pundits agree, but I thought she looked great. Classic black always works, and goodness knows I love my emeralds!
Evan wins for the evening, in my book at least.  Favorite look of the night!
Evan wins for the evening, in my book at least. Favorite look of the night!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                       – I love Angelina Jolie (post Billy Bob Thorton) and I think that she always looks elegant.  Maybe her style isn’t as flashy and provocative as some people would like, but I think her choices tend to be pretty good.  There was a forgettable Armani Atlier once and a mumu-esque mistake for her Changeling premier, but by and large I think her minimalistic style really works.  She wore an Elie Saab in a classic black.  Hate away stylists everywhere, I liked it!
– My favorite look of the night was Evan Rachel Woods in another Elie Saab.  Also understated, but beautiful lines, gorgeous detail work on the bodice, and suited her peaches-and-cream complexion perfectly.  Subdued but fabulous earrings, and dark nails (love ’em!). 

I am deeply in lust with Angie's earrings.  My most coveted item of the night.
I am deeply in lust with these sparklies. My most coveted item of the night.

Since I’m still poor I have to live vicariously through the TV.  Margot and I met up with Angel at her house to watch the Oscars, make last minute bets about which movies/people would win, and (for me at least) drool over the dresses.  Unfortunately I think the Disney Princess Leauge  gowns were bad and there were way too many bridal looking gowns (No, I’m not being selfish and self-centered, I just don’t want to see brides on the red carpet.  Mine isn’t even white, back off!) 

Others were equally stunning, Anne Hathaway was breathtaking as usual, and Best Actress Kate Winslet’s black and blue off-the-shoulder number was lovely.  Meryl Streep’s gray dress I didn’t care for at all, and Sophia Loren?  Ghastly! 

Lest we forget, the accessories were lovely: Taraji Henson’s bag and Amy Adam’s necklace being in the top three, but I love emeralds.  Love them.  My engagement ring attests to that.  Ergo I must must must find a way to steal Angelina Jolie’s Lorraine Schwartz earrings.

Finally, the WORST looks of the night?  Miley Cyrus in Zuhair Murad.  Scarlett O’Hara managed to make drapes look good, what’s your excuse?  And Sophia Loren?  Goodness knows we love you but WTF?!

GAH!
GAH!
What is this?  Fish scales meets dirty south?  Fire whoever told her to wear this, stat!
What is this? Fish scales meets dirty south? Fire whoever told her to wear this, stat!

10 thoughts on “Fashion Forward”

  1. I think you’re just sensitive about the white b/c of your upcoming wedding. Penelope’s was one of my favorites, and if you look closely, it is almost the exact same shade of cream/blush as Evan Rachel Wood’s: your favorite. Just with a lace overlay that to me was more vintage than bridal. But my absolute love of the night was Marillon Cotillard’s black poofy marvel. I normally go for very restrained silhouettes, but if I wear a single big fluffy dress in my life, I want it to be that one. I think it was the combo of the slick hair and the flash of thigh under the tulle. Just perfection: http://jezebel.com/5158410/marion-cotillard-black-swan
    Taraji was lovely too though, and Natalie Portman (her dress was a lot like Evan’s, just in lilac).

    1. Marion Cotillard was blue perfection, no question. And really I think I just don’t like big dresses, which Cruz’s undoubtedly was.

  2. My response to the pics/dresses:
    * Redheads shouldn’t do red
    *Has Jessica Biel heard of a tailor? Sheesh – the thing’s too long for her!
    *Well, Beyonce gained 1,000 pounds – or the dress makes her look so. By the way, why is she even there!?!
    *Taraji’s was my fave. I love her.
    *Penelope – I think I wore that to prom. Can I have it back?
    *Melissa – GAH! I just got attacked by the bottom of your dress!
    *Angelina – beautiful yet simple. I like it, but color would have made me love it. (C, you know I love the bling, though!)
    *Evan – I thought it matched her skin too much, but loved the dress otherwise.
    *Sophia – It’s not a good idea to wear 3 different 80’s gowns at a time. Not attractive.
    *Miley – loved the top. Once I hit the belt, I got scared.

    On a side note, did anyone see poor Reese Witherspoon? Bad dress, girl! Plus, your hair was a mess. What, did you nap on it before you came? Someone find that girl a nanny for her two kids before this happens to such an adorable girl again!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.