“Is there anything better than drunken sailor bowling?”
– Shower Guest
As it was a tea party, her Majesty arrived arrived in grand style with the latest in fashionable hat-wear:
The guests were entertained with all manner of wit, games, and conversation (how’s this for a coincidence! One of the guests was a girl who I knew at five years old and met in Germany. She’s now living in the States and pregnant with her second child…small world, n’est pas?):
And the food was the height of luxury, each item accompanied with a quote specific to the food it graced. My favorite: “Cheese is milk’s leap towards immortality.”
“There is no use trying,” said Alice, “one cannot believe impossible things.”
“I dare say you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!”
– Lewis Carroll
Marie’s shower is tonight! I’ve been up late two days baking and Hennessy wonderfully let me shop on her Costco card yesterday to procure sundry necessities. Trying to figure out the menu and organize it within budget and time (that lived up to my grandiose schemes for my friend, she isn’t named after Marie Antoinette for nothing!) was difficult, and at one point I despaired and thought it impossible…
But then I found these, and I knew it was going to the social event of the season!
“There is no Latin word for tea? Upon my soul, if I had known that I would have let the vulgar stuff alone.”
– Hilaire Belloc
Remember when Marie got engaged the Great Bridesmaid Dress Affair that followed? Well the dresses have been chosen and they are to die for (check them out here). And then think of that metallic green monstrosity with the horrid bow on the bum that your sister/university roommate/friend/sister-in-law made you don and weep. Having friends with excellent taste is a great comfort.
Now, with dates set, gown ordered, and food presumably taken care of, it falls on us, the bridesmaids, to throw the most fabulous fête ever conceived by man. This is going to be so grand and event that it’s taking three of us, coordinating from three separate states to get it going.
And what else would it be, than a traditional English Tea Party, dragged into the 21st century? I’m in charge of food and sundry other tasks (as I’m currently the only one in the same state as the bride).
And, as Marie reads this blog, the following information will be have to be somewhat censored. The menu will include (nothing to see here) and (move along) and of course (nuh-uh). The decorations will be done all in (bleep) and (sound effect from Deadliest Catch), isn’t that gorgeous? The girls and I have come up with a fantastic (lalalalala!) so we can (ahem) and Marie can enjoy the (sshhnnkk! Message for you, sir!).
“Arrange food, wine, and a sit-down orgy for fourteen.”
-A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
Let me recommend Parties by Venice, Inc. for your next soiree! In spite of a torrential downpour, the girl threw me an absolutely fab bridal shower: almost everyone invited came, the food was delicious, and the games were fun (as opposed to the usual shower games that make the victims want to set fire to their obligatory toilet paper dresses).
The presents were absolutely scandalous (loved ’em) and, as you see, did not result in my demise at the hands of his shocked relatives! In addition to silk and lace, I also got a funny slip with sheep all over it from Marie (a tribute to our sheep-infested trip to Notherumberland last summer), a cookbook from Darling (presumably to aid in the feeding of her son), and an IRON! Which marks a huge step in my career as an adult, seeing as I’ve gone five years without one by relying on friends’ and bringing my clothes into the bathroom with me to shower. Marvelous!
All in all, this shower was a great improvement over the last time someone tried to give me lingerie! The summer before I went away to university, my family and I were travelling around, visiting our extended family and we stayed a week with my grandmother who is an…interesting person. Well, one day she took me aside and said she had a present for me and led me into her room where she pulled something out of a drawer.
“You’re going to be meeting all sorts of people and boyfriends at school, so you probably need something a little sexy.”
I felt my eyes bug, but was too deep in shock to stop what was happening. Grandma whipped out what can only loosely be described at lingerie and I nearly choked.
It looked like something Shirley Temple would wear! Gathered at the neck, the SHEER material fell in pleats to the waist and the bottoms looked like the decorative cover one puts over a baby’s diaper. It was obviously old (and previously owned…by my grandmother…gah…) and a faded shade of grayish pink which only added to the horror. Easily the most disturbing thing I’d ever been forced into contact with.
“Now,” Grandma began, “when two people are dating and like each other–”
I bolted from the room sputtering and collapsed on the couch by my parents laughing. Later I think my mother tactfully informed her that the, er, inter-personal aspect of my adolescent education was something they had covered, thanks very much, and it wasn’t exactly her place to give me The Talk at eighteen. Much less encourage wanton promiscuity, seeing as I was going to a conservative, religiously funded school. My grandmother got offended.
“Calm me down. Tell me I should buy the croissants instead of make them!”
“Holy mother of baking…buy the croissants, woman and don’t be ridiculous! You’re throwing a small shower not a presidential ball, I forbid you to bake a single french pastry!”
-Venice and C.
Venice is throwing me a bridal shower tomorrow…J.’s mom and sister are coming…and all of my friends have been asking me my lingerie sizes. If I never post again it is because I have either A) died of humiliation, or B) been killed by his affronted family!
At least we’ll die well-fed! Venice just called me at work to confess she’s gone overboard with the cupcakes (red velvet of course) and has dozens. But when I said, “Yeah! More for us!” she came back quickly with, “Wedding in less than three weeks. Dress, dear.” She is such a good friend.