“Marley was dead, to begin with.  There was no question…Marley was dead as a doornail.”
-Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Ever noticed how there are some decidedly awful things leading to Christmas?  And I’m not even talking about Evil Relatives or fruitcake that may or may not be fossilized, I’m only talking about the entertainment!

Probably my favorite Christmas movie is How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  Kiri gave me a copy on DVD last year, awesome present.  But despite the great message I maintain it’s Number 3 on the list of Creepy Christmas Moments.  For some reason, although as a kid I waited for it every year with excitement, when Dr. Suess’s  Grinch made this face it sent fearful quivers through my childish soul.  Animated evil.

This one isn’t creepy but I hate it nonetheless.  Based on an English children’s book and turned into a short film in the 1980’s my mom had The Snowman on VHS when I was a girl and I admit it’s  a charming film (was nominated for an Academy Award for Animated Short Film and played every year since it’s creation in England and elsewhere)…except for that it’s HORRIBLE!  I’m not a crier, ask J. (what am I up to, cried six times in 9 months of dating?).  I hate crying, apart from the feeling of weakness it gives me (J. and Scotticus would probably call it a sense of humanity) it makes every girl in the world look like a banshee.  Don’t try to sell me on glistening tears, we all become frights.  But I digress…the reason I hate this film is that the ending makes me weep.  I loathe it.  It’s unbearably sad.  I haven’t seen it in years because I hate it so.

And finally, the quintessential holiday tale, A Christmas Carol.  With such loveable favorites as saintly Tiny Tim, unquenchably friendly Nephew Fred, and reformed sinner Scrooge it’s practically required viewing.  But, lest we forget, this entire thing is about hauntings.  And just because our first two Christmas ghosts are more stern than creepy (except in the Muppet Christmas Carol) there’s a grim reaper-esque third who invariably makes his entrance with ominous horns and oboes, shroud-like drapings, and sinister silence.  And unlike the Grinchy grin which was sort of fun-scary, this spectre genuinely gave me the willies every year! 

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight…..(wooooOOOOoooooo…)

“C.!  Hi!”
“Hey, how’ve you been?”
“Good, good.  I’m here to check all the computers in your department, should take about an hour, and I was told you’d be able to take me around.”
“Yeah, not a problem.”
(Internal monologue: “Oh no…who is this guy?!  I know I know him…what’s his name?  Fiancee’s named Sarah, met him living in the Hood, majoring in recreational management…what is his name?!”)
-Mysterious X and C.

I’m usually pretty good with names.  I’ve got a long list of friends the history of whom I can rattle off with only minimal memory searching, dozens of dates mentally stored, and a list of passwords as long as my arm from a lifetime of military, banking, NATO, university, and email necessity all committed to memory.  But every once and a while I run into someone I met that one time in that one place whose name refuses to trot through my gray matter. 

The funny part is that these mysterious people never suspect I have no idea who they are.  When Venice and I were shopping at Nordstrom a nice girl behind a counter gave me an enthusiastic wave and a, “Hi, C., how’s life?”  We walked over, made smalltalk for a while before I confided I was looking for a present for my mother.  As quick as you’d like, she whisked me over to the right salesperson, checked the inventory to see if they had what I wanted, and gift wrapped my fab find before waving me out of the store.  Venice, shrewd woman that she is, glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.  “You do know who that girl is, right?”
“No idea,” I said cavalierly.
She just shook her head.

But this isn’t an isolated case!  It happens rather a lot, see above quoted incident of yesterday.  Also, if ever I saunter across campus by my lonesome I won’t see a soul I know but if I’m walking with a friend, every other person we meet will be someone I have a detailed history with.  On a single run to get Tink a pretzel (her drug of choice during pregnancy) I met a kid I went to eelementary school with in Germany, two people I knew from different apartment complexes, and I girl I had two years of French with.  I’m grateful for the universe making me look a lot more popular than I really am, but I’d much rather recall names of these mysterious friends of mine!

“There is no ideal Christmas; only the one Christmas you decide to make as a reflection of your values, desires, affections, traditions.”
-Bill McKibben

When I was a student, December was too full of projects, exams, and papers, and visions of jeering professors dancing in my head for me to really think about how good I had it.  When the Christmas holiday showed up I would take my final exam bruised soul off to Belgium or England, too tired to consider how lucky I was or how unique my family’s celebration of the season is.  This year, as I sit at my desk and ponder darkly on how I won’t be at home until Christmas Eve and will jet off just a handful of days later on the first, I realize how much I miss about my holidays in Europe.  We’ve got a lot of good stuff!

1) Christmas Markets – Europe, ultra-modern though it may be, still manages to jump straight back to the Middle Ages during the whole season.  During Advent several towns and cities have markets in their squares, usually by the cathedrals, where stalls spring up selling food, crafts, toys, etc.  Brussels has a good one, and heading down to the Grand Place/Grote Markt(depending on whether you speak French of Dutch) was always fun.  One sidestreet was crammed full of restaurants and cafes, another was the Greek and Middle Eastern area with even better food.  Another road was THE place to go for jewelry and artisan chocolates (also known as Nirvana).  Behind the Hotel de Ville/Stadhuis was where to shop for famous Flemish lace, textiles, and tapestry. 

However, the best Christmas Market is in Aachen, Germany, I went with my family the second year we lived in Belgium, the first year we went to Salzburg and the Tirolian Alps for snowboarding.  Equally awesome.

2) My family’s hodge-podge of Christmas traditions – after living so many places we picked up holiday celebrations from all of them.  Because of living in Germany, on December 4th we leave our shoes out at night and when we wake up on the 5th, if we’ve been good, St. Nicholas has left us candy, chestnuts, and huge peppermint sticks in them.  As a kid my parents would buy me an Advent calendar every year with chocolate inside the windows that you got to open one a day.  Mom makes Belgian Yule cake every year since living there. 

After living in Virginia we adopted the idea of decorating with a single candle in each window instead of strings of lights, and a pot of cider brewed with orange slices and cinnamon is always simmering on the stove.   

We also listen to different Christmas music than lots of people, my favorite stuff was always Handel’s Messiah and the Cambridge King’s College Choir, who tends to sing the more traditional carols (i.e. old).

3) Typical Christmas fun – we decorate our family tree together on the first Monday in December.  This will be the fifth year in a row I haven’t done a tree (unless you count the memorable Kays and I did in our freshman dorm, but that still wasn’t a family tree.  There is a difference), I won’t even be there to help take it down since I have to get back quickly to return to work. 

“I do not like things held up in front of me that I can’t have.”
-Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha
“Ooohhhh boy…”
-C. with nose pressed against glass in horror/fascination/growing covetousness

So, this is one of those rare times that I can’t give specifics (too many people I know reading) but let me just say that in one split second I managed to condemn myself to Hell, at least theoretically.

There are purported to be Seven Deadly Sins (ironically murder isn’t one of them, but that’s neither here nor there), all of them whammies.  But let me tell you, it is possible to commit them in a completely mild setting.  Happened to me while Christmas shopping.  And several at the same time too.  Suddenly I saw this marvelous thing and BAM!

Lust – Obsession/All consuming evil passion.  Check.  Oh yeah, I want.
Envy – Insatiable desire for material good(s).  Check
Greed – Check.  I swear my eyes fell out of my head.  Had to have it but…
Wrath – Can’t have it.  Can’t afford it.  Ergo uncontrollable feeling of anger.  Check.  

In fact, all that was left out was Pride, Gluttony, and Sloth and the latter might actually work since the original definition of the sin of Sloth was sadness or despair.  Quick friends, help me snap out of it!  I’ve been wandering around in quivering-green-eyed-finger-itching-enraged-depressed fog for three days now, and it has got to stop!

“She needs to come out.  Go hop on the trampoline.”
-GBIL

I’m surrounded by pregnant friends.  My godsister and her husband are eagerly awaiting the arrival of their offspring, referred to thus far as Spud.  GS looks ready to have baby here, but unfortunately is still two weeks away from her due date and GBIL is constantly poking her stomach and telling her to hurry up.  We’re hoping Spud decides to put in an early appearance.  Goodness knows she’s going to be the cutest godniece ever, she’s had four baby showers so far so she’ll be at the height of fashion!

Tink is also expecting.  She and her husband Gem are 90% positive that their spawn will be called Driver, but they’re waiting to see what the tyke looks like before making any rash decisions.  Unlike GBIL, Gem doesn’t seem to be chomping at the bit to get his spawn out into the world, but Tink is ready.  Very.  Ready.  Chief is saying (facetiously we hope) that she should have Maybe Driver at the station so we can use her for EMT training.  Maybe Driver doesn’t seem inclined to acquiesce.

Kent, who moved (also to Washington, without telling me!) is six months pregnant and doesn’t even show.  Completely unfair.  If ever I decide to spawn there is a good chance that I will literally be wider than I am tall…