Category: Holidays

Family, Friends, Holidays, Humor, Shopping

Fantasy Shopping Continues

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.  Men invade another country.  It’s a whole different way of thinking.”
~Elayne Boosler

Shopping for men is rough, kittens, and believe me, I know.  Most of my friends growing up were boys, my major was mostly made up of men, I preferred hanging out with J.’s roommates to my own when we were dating, the list goes on.  I have two brothers and one sister, two godbrothers and one godsister, three brothers-in-law and two sisters-in-law (not counting respective spouses)… the girls are outnumbered.  But that’s okay, because most of the ladies I know are pretty lucky in their male chums, significant others, and family members, so we should dig in and get them cool (fake) presents anyway.  Any to add to the list?

For your all American brother-in-law who spends the summer either on the green or at the grill.
For the guy friend who almost blew a snyapse when he found out they were making a new Muppets movie.
For your British mystery loving in-law.
For the guy you met in your major who now teaches English in Korea, even though he studied Medieval French Literature, and is an unrepentant nerd.
For your nephews who have never seen it - shame!
For you guy pal who thinks he's Don Draper, and who you care about too much to disillusion.
For you friend who just got his first Real Job and needs to dress the part.
For the slightly wacky but nice gun enthusiast neighbor of your parents.
Holidays, Humor, Shopping

Fantasy Shopping

“A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.”
– Anonymous

This post shamelessly inspired by Janssen’s fab one on present giving – though not quite as impressively frugal.  I’m in the midst of Christmas shopping and nearly done with it, but still very much in the mood.  Let’s do some fantasy shopping, ducklings, and pretend that none of us are paying off our husband’s student loans, prepping for a baby, a bit cash strapped this year, putting a wedding together, or just generally Scroogey, and spend fake money together.  Ladies first, just click to be linked for more info on what I’d buy you all if I could.

Note to friends and family, ha!  As if I’d post your prezzies all over the internet, nice try.  Move along and stop trying to peek into the proverbial parents’ closet to figure out what you’re getting, just trust me, you won’t be disappointed.

For your stylish best friend who organizes her bookshelves by color - because they look better that way.
For the Francophile, cheese addicted couple.
For the globetrotting best friend who still prefers handwritten letters to emails.
For the best friend who manages to look chic in sunglasses nearly as large as her face.
For the Jane Austen addict best friend.
For the best friend who can say she's a writer, and not mean it wistfully.
For the girlfriend whose extended family won't stop asking her when she's going to spawn.
For you Potterhead/valedictorian friend.
For your East Coast relations.
For your history nerd friend.
For fellow London cronies currently marooned stateside (and other items for the friend who can literally wear anything and get away with it).
For the nail polish addict.

What random things have you come across that instantly put a specific person into your head when shopping?

Holidays, Humor

*Checks Watch *Panics

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”
– Garrison Keillor

Merciful turkey and stuffing, I have so much to do!

I’d never lie to you, kittens, it hasn’t felt very holiday-y this year so far with J. gone.  The holidays for me are really all about traditions, but we haven’t really developed any of our own so far.  Being young, relatively poor, and childless, we have never really felt the urge to decorate our flat with various wreaths or garlands, preferring instead to hang out with friends and family who transform their abodes into festive wonderlands.   We live in a desert, meaning that raking leaves is sort of out.  I have an unbreakable rule that I will not listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving (one holiday at a time, people).  With just me to feed, massive amounts of baking seems excessive.  So, sans any sort of holiday-ish things to do, and minus husband, here we are two days out from Thanksgiving, and I feel as if the season has rather snuck up on me.

I only really processed that Thanksgiving was this week yesterday and was immediately beset by holiday panic.  A gift list was assembled and purchases are being made!  Hot chocolate or spiced tea is being taken with every meal!  An outfit has been selected for Thanksgiving Dinner (which, incidentally will be enjoyed at Marie’s house)!

I am on this!

After all, I’m literally a month away from seeing my husband, which will make the present ever.  (All together now, “Awww…”)

What are your plans for the season, my partridges?  And have you fallen a bit behind the times like me?  How do you get in the holiday spirit?

Holidays, Humor

Punk’d
“You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.”
– Colette, in New York World-Telegram and Sun, 1961

I’ve only really ever been April Fooled once.  J. convinced me he’d gotten in a car wreck and when the joke played out, he quickly must have realized that he made a major mistake.  I was furious.  Quietly, icily furious.  He sucked up his laughter, groveled appropriately and all was well.

But he hasn’t tried to Fool me ever since.  She who laughs last, and all that.  Been the perpetrator/victim of any memorable pranks?

Holidays, Humor

Lenten. Fast.

“I get a little behind during Lent, but it comes out even at Christmas.”
– Frank Butler

Anyone engaging in self denial this Spring, or are you throwing yourself into unabashed hedonism and indulgence?  I tried to think of something to give up this year but found myself at a loss.  I’ve already given up junk food, I’ve been too sick to indulge any other bad habits lately, and I swore off shopping long ago with the advent of J.’s grad school decision.  I’m a paragon of virtue these days, kittens.  And let me tell you, it’s dull as tombs!

Ergo, some irreverent humor for you, care of someecards.com.  Psst!  The last one’s my favorite!

History, Holidays, Humor

Happy V-Day, Kittens

“It is plain that men are in charge of making saints.”
– Karen Cushman, Catherine Called Birdy

How to properly celebrate St. Valentine’s Day:

Also, build yourself a cathedral if you can, it adds swagger points.

1) Be a Roman priest during the reign of the Emperor Claudius Gothicus (because that name definitely belongs to a benevolent, wise, un-tyrannical autocrat), perform marriage ceremonies for Christians, get caught, and when on trial foolishly try to convert said unfortunately named emperor.  Survive a terrific beating, stoning, and finally die when guards run out of ideas and behead you.

1a) Or maybe be an early Christian convert who gets martyred (like they tended to do), but be fuzzy on the actual death details (also like they tended to do).

1b) Or finally be an obscure early Christian hermit who, neglecting utterly to conform to the social expectations of the time, failed to be martyred at all.

2) Fade into even more complete obscurity

3) Have Chaucer casually mention the tradition that February 14th is the day that birds choose their mates and forever after be associated with romance and love.

4) Stew for nearly another 700 years and enjoy the romance, kids!

Holidays, Humor, Money

Money Honey

“Guys! Problem! I’m huge, I’m hurting people, and I’m misunderstood!”
“Just like the IRS!”
– The Fairly Odd Parents

Hello, darlings.  Did we all survive the late nights, vicious hangovers, and the guilt of (most likely) already breaking one or two resolutions?  Yes?  Excellent, sounds like you had a great holiday!

We went to a mocktail party at GS and GBIL’s place on New Year’s Eve and spent most of the weekend on the couch recuperating from late nights.  I was unaccountably grouchy, still riding the Birth Control roller coaster, but things look to be improving.  I’m old and tired at 24, pumpkins.

Now that we are emerging from the wreckage of a truly great holiday season, J. and I are taking stock.  Financially speaking this was a rough winter on us because we did Christmas and paid the (exorbitant, outrageous, soul-bleeding) fees for grad school applications all at the same time.  Higher Education is running a racket in this country – pay to apply, pay to get in, pay to register, fees, books, pay to graduate, pay to get copies of transcripts and/or diplomas, woof.  So we paid a small fortune to apply and, once we figure out where we’re going, we get to start the process of taking out loans to finance more school.

Ergo we’re filing taxes the moment that we can, got to build up our reserve again.  The goal is a healthy pile in our savings that we can live off of for the year J. is in his program.  That way we will only spend half of our lives and have to sell just one or two of our children to pay it off.  A good plan, n’est pas?

Family, Food, Holidays, Humor

Food Coma

Vegetables are a must on a diet.  I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
~Jim Davis

Hello, darlings.  All alive out there, no major holiday-induced injuries?  Good.  We spent this holiday with J.’s family.  Wrestling with nephews, performing in a small Christmas concert organized by nieces, and eating!

Honestly, I can’t remember eating so much anytime in recent memory.  I struggle with eating enough, I just don’t get hungry very often – much to the confusion of my husband who marvels that I can survive on a diet that’s a fraction of his.  Small amounts of food fill a small body up…usually.

No more pie! Just leave me!

I went completely overboard this weekend!  Cinnamon Pecan French Toast, ham and piles of western potatoes (meaning slathered in sour cream, cheese, and onions), my culinary genius sister-in-law’s baked ziti, and not nearly enough salad.  To say nothing of the goodies that came in stockings.  And the candy scattered all over three houses.  Oh dear.

Which, as you may have guessed, means that the obligatory New Year’s diet starts a bit sooner this year.  The combined forces of Birth Control, laziness, and the all-consuming desire I have to hibernate in winter have turned my physique inside out and that ends today!

Maybe.