Tag: Halloween

Bite Me

Extemporized conversation with Margot post-Nosferatu viewing:

(Editor’s Note:  I stand by it.  Vampires ≠ sexy!)

C: I really liked the part when he comes into Lucy’s room and says, “Love me like you do your husband,” and she basically comes back with a quick, “Nope!” only classier and in German.  He actually looked confused that he wasn’t very persuasive!
M: Oh…I…I really thought that would work… I was really hoping you’d say ‘yes,’ this whole thing would be much less awkward.  Having just broken in your room and everything.
C:   I, um, don’t have a plan after this.  Ok…well look, I’ve stalked you all the way from Transylvania-“
M: Actually moved in next door, after almost killing your husband-
C: And wiping any memory of you he has. 
M: Did I mention I’m a harbringer of the Black Death?
C: And rats follow me everywhere in the countless millions.  I also seem to spark insanity in the masses.
M: And I also drink people’s blood.  Yes, suck them absolutely dry, poor devils.
C: ……….Why don’t you like me?

Ok, last chance to become my undead girlfriend...wait! Where are you going?

Of Vampires

“Children of the night, SHUT UP!”
-Love at First Bite

This is for Small Dog's friends on "Team Jacob." He's still NOT REAL, but from my limited knowledge he's a little less whiny.

I cannot escape them!  They’re every, everywhere!  Cute campus couples as Bella and Edward (my opinion of the literary drivel that is Twilight can be found here) and teachers/staff dressing the part.  The new stupid looking vampire kids movie the name of which I can’t recall, The Vampire Diaries on TV…even my weekly dose of Sherlock Holmes on PBS was a mystery about a supposed vampire this week!  Yes, I get that crushing on the undead is trendy, but honestly!  Way to beat a dead horse.

Now, I liked the Interview With the Vampire movie when I saw it, I was delightfully creeped out by Bram Stoker’s Dracula (I borrowed it from the library and it had such a chilling cover that I had to turn it face down and shove it under my bureau at night), and I am going to see Nosferatu with Margot tonight…but the obsession some people feel for vampires is bizarre.

How ''bout a date, baby?  'No?'  But...Edward's a, uh, cousin of mine!
Hey, baby, how 'bout a date? No?! But...Edward's my, uh, cousin! Yeah, that's it!

Mostly I find it funny (from a historian’s viewpoint) that the sex-crazed, hauntingly beautiful, interestingly pale and tragic, romantic figures that most people associate with the term are only a product of the Victorians (actually…the above description fits those Victorians themselves pretty well too…).  Originally vampires were the spirits of suicide victims, witches, heretics, etc. and resembled blood drenched bloated corpses.  Sexy!

Law and Order

“Common sense is not so common.”

Yes, it is around time for Halloween and (as you may recall) I’m all for costumes

But coming on to campus dressed in an actual SWAT shirt wearing an actual bullet proof vest packing actual bullets and flares and two airsoft guns which look frighteningly like the real thing…

…Strikes me as a supremely foolish thing to do. 

If you must dress as a policeman, try this. Inappropriate, yes. Illegal, no.

Oh, by the bye, this kid is a doctoral law student.  You think they would have covered impersonating a law officer, as well as public disturbance…because a lone man on a campus carrying weapons quite rightly incites fear.*  More personally if convicted he could be dismissed from the school and forfeit his credits/degrees.

I think working here has probably made me slightly more attune to the nuances of such choices and their effects…but I still think common sense would keep a person from carrying live ammunition onto a campus where firearms are prohibited.

Although, after the Elk, I suppose the last of the surprise and astonishment should have been knocked out of me.

*Lest we forget the over 50 victims of school shootings in the past two years in the U.S. alone

Costume Dramas

 “Make it classy.”
“I thought we were supposed to be sexy.”
“It is possible to be both.”
-Sushi for Beginners, Marian Keyes

Trick 'r TreatHalloween was easily my favorite holiday growing up.  I have fond memories of strategically mapping out my plan of attack in neighborhoods in the search for candy, staggering home under the weight of a bulging pillowcase, and spending days or even weeks on my costumes.  For a chunk of my childhood we lived in Germany so we had Fasching instead of Halloween (German version of Carnivale), but since the concept  of costume + candy + pranking remained the same, there wasn’t too much of a difference to me.

See back in my day, darlings, we made our costumes.  Sure some kids were starting to run around in polyester store-bought Power Rangers outfits, but I always regarded them as sad, unimaginative creatures more to be pitied than envied.   Even the year I went as a ghost, I took the time to shred my own sheets and drape them hauntingly about my white and black smudged face.  My mother would take me to fabric stores to wrinkle my six year old forehead over the merits of historically correct Indian vs. Polar Bear, rifle with me through the chest that held my hats, boots, and scarves that I used for dress up, and applaude my ideas enthusiastically.

That's right.  This guy.  Hung out with dead people.
That's right. This guy. Bit of a creeper. Hung out with dead people.

The crowning achievement of my dorkiness trick-or-treating career was the year I announced impressively that I wanted to go as…wait for it…Anubis. 

That’s right.  Egyptian god of the dead.  I think I was seven or eight at the time.  As an adult I can now only begin to fathom what thoughts might have scrambled through my impressed/perplexed/weirded out parents’ minds as they heard this plan, but they rallied with admirable self control.  My dad helped me fashion a jackal head out of a baseball cap for the base, wound about with wire to form the long snout, face, ears, and Egyptian headpiece, and then mummified (pun!) in paper mache.  This whole contraption was then painted with black, gold, and glaring white eyes.  A baby towel wrapped around my waist, a white tee-shirt, and a cardboard collar painted gold with blobs of color for the gems completed the look.

No one I begged candy off of had a clue who I was.  It was also sweltering hot so by the time I made it home, black streaks of sweat and paint had slithered down my face, but I had the most absolutely amazing costume ever!

My childhood memories have been trashy-ed past recognition.  (Editor's Note: these are TAME).
My childhood memories have been trashy-ed past recognition. (Editor's Note: these are TAME).

And nowadays what am I left with?  The only Halloween costumes available to me (since I can’t sew) are cheap, mass produced trashy stuff usually involving thigh-highs and not much else.  Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a touch of tart as much as the next girl, but I also firmly adhere to the “time and place” mentality.  I also believe absolutely that sexy and slutty are not the same things at all.  For example, one year one of my flatmates went as a Victoria Secret Angel: bras, panties, wings.  Fin.  Kiri and I were saloon girls, complete with fishnets and garters, but we took the time to make sure that the OK stayed corralled! 

Trick-or-treating seems to be on the decline, too many weirdos out there I suppose, but I’m still debating how to get in on the holiday this year.  Perhaps a party with fabulous friends?  Or be boring and just watch Hitchcock movies?  I’ve never been to a haunted castle/cornmaze/whatever which seem to be all the rage in these parts, so I’m going to try to trick (or treat) J. into taking me to one.  Small Dog has no comment on the possibility of thigh highs.



A bit Wylie E. Cayote, but I nevertheless feel as if you, the reader, should be impressed at my creativity!
A bit Wylie E. Coyote, but I nevertheless feel as if you, the reader, should be impressed at my creativity! C. Small Dog, Genius.