“If you don’t have anything to match it to, you know, they’re just fingerprints.”
– Yvonne Martinez

Because everyone and their cousin have been getting fingerprinted lately, I started taking some unofficial statistics on their answers when inputting their biometric data.  The results have been interesting, you learn a lot about a person.

People who are from a state bordering Mexico and the Gulf, or are south of the Mason-Dixon line are three times more likely (when applicable, of course) to give their race as “White” rather than “Caucasian.”

Men are more than twice as likely than women to give their race (when applicable) as “White” rather than “Caucasian.”

When asked, “What gender do you claim,” there being several legally protected categories, men over 27 are four times more likely to laugh awkwardly or make a derisive sound than younger men before answering, “Male.”  Since I’ve been tracking only one female has expressed surprise at the question.

Asians are three times more likely to answer the question, “What ethnicity do you claim,” with their country of original descent (i.e. Korean, Japanese, Chinese), than those with Latin American ancestry, who are more likely to give their ethnicity as, “Hispanic.”

Individuals under 21 are less likely to have their Social Security number memorized.  International students and visitors under 21 in possession of a SS number are twice as likely than their American counterparts to have them memorized.

Individuals who don’t have their social security memorized are twice as likely to be carrying their SS card on their person.  (Editor’s Law Enforcement Note: Don’t do this!)

Individuals over 25 are more likely to have cash on them when paying for the service.

Individuals getting fingerprinted for Bar exams are most likely to wait until the last day to turn in their applications to get fingerprinted, and thus are more likely to be brusque and hurried through the process.  (Not scientifically verifiable.)

“The finest clothing made is a person’s skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.”
~ Mark Twain

Moments after a phone call from a woman distraught to see a couple of young people park their car in her neighborhood and engage in some, ah, explicit amorous activities, Lt. South walks by my desk and sighs, “Bunch of guys running around the sports fields in thongs or less.”

Honestly, people, there is a time and a place.

“Look, you can’t do things like that! Now, I don’t know how I can explain this to you. But, it’s not only against the law, its wrong!”
– Arsenic and Old Lace

Dear World At Large,

Me again!  We haven’t chatted in a while, so I thought I’d do my usual pop in and deliver a few quiet words of advice.   This one’s heavy on both the philosophy and the rambling, but going to be a firm talking to nonetheless.

We live in a world of autocorrect, delete buttons, editing, photoshop, spellcheck, you name it, all of which exist to give a comforting sense that errors and perceived mistakes or flaws can be done away with.  I know these are all technological examples and heavy on social media, but I think that anyone who believes these don’t inform our personal, unofficial philosophies is terribly self unaware.  We live in a society that seems to believe that things we don’t like can be made to go away – whether that’s removing something you once posted on Facebook, or deleting a text message – but I am here to tell you that this is a false sense of security.

Mistakes follow you, Dear World At Large, and even if you have gone through a legal, religious/spiritual/philosophical, or paperwork laden process to atone, make restitution, or accept punishment for your actions, this is not the same thing as unmaking them.  They cannot be unmade.  Stupid mistakes can – and will – follow you around for a long time.

So, as a recent example, if you’re a visiting university staff member responsible for a number of students and you make a series of poor decisions culminating in the arrest of you and several of those students, putting your job in jeopardy – this is not something that’s going to just vanish because you want it to.  Particularly after you’ve already appeared before a judge and plead guilty.  Yelling at your friend neighborhood secretary, demanding to speak various administrative officers, and trying to pressure people to make your arrest, court appearance, and sentencing all vanish will not work.  First of all, we can’t make such records and events disappear (at least not without some sort of political clout and obscene amounts of money, and even then a fairly obvious hole still gets left in the legal system).  Second of all, and probably more importantly, we won’t make them disappear.  See the quote at the beginning of this post.

The same is true for much less serious errors, Dear World At Large, but even small things can affect your ability to get a job, a date, housing, loans, recommendations, and even friends.  As for social media, everything you have ever said, done, linked to, or ranted about is cached away somewhere in the dark bowels of the internet.  On a more human note, unkind words you’ve spoken, silly errors in judgement, and countless day to day interactions are also stored away in the collective memory of your friends and associates.  Nothing is really lost.

Which is why you have to be so careful!  I’m not saying there isn’t room for mistakes in life (because good luck with that!) but I am saying that people need to step back and reflect more often on whether or not their actions are wise ones.  It won’t protect you from everything, but occasionally it may protect you from yourself.

Unless you ascribe to reincarnation, we don’t get do-overs.  We get do-betters.  These can be wonderful in and of themselves, much of the good in the world has come from them, but they are not always nice experiences.  You are responsible for all your actions; you can’t disavow them, you can’t be made immune from them, and there is no “Undo” button.  Be smart out there.

Yours with love (sincerely this time),
C.

“L’enfer est plein de bonnes volontés et désirs….”
– St. Bernard of Clairvaux

A student borrowed a flatmates’ bike.  Unfortunately she didn’t know the combination to the lock, and couldn’t ask for it as the flatmate was currently on study abroad deep in the rain forests of South America.  She’d sent the flatmate an email asking for the code and was waiting for a reply.  In the meantime, the student still had to get to class, so she rode the bike to campus and decided to take her chances by leaving the bike in a bikerack unlocked.  (Editor’s Note: please don’t do this, it’s terribly foolish.)

Sadly this tale has an unfortunate end, but not in the way it usually does.  Usually a member of the unwashed criminal underworld steals the bike, sells it to a pawn shop where it is sold to a dealer who stuffs the tires with drugs and uses it to take his cargo across the border.  Or so I surmise.

This time, on the other hand, some nice person decided to try and help her out and locked up her bike for her.  She showed up in our office in tears asking us to cut the cable so she could get home.

The road to hell, kittens…