Foot. Sore.

“I’m watching the Weather Channel more than I’ve ever watched it. I’m scared to death it’s going to rain.”
– John Elway

For nearly a year they lurked in the back of my closet, biding their time and growing in dark power.  Watching.  Waiting.   And today their moment came.  I was rushing around this morning and needed a pair of flats, so I reached into the dark depths and dragged them out.

Satan's footwear.

The cursed purple shoes.

And true to form the morning poured down rain for hours before turning into snow, making everyone’s thoughts of Spring die with the crocuses and budding leaves.

Worst of all, everyone knew it was my fault.  I walked past Sav’s desk and, with a raised voice and condemning pointing finger, she declared, “This is your fault!  You wore them!”  Susie said something similar.  Even J. burst out laughing when I met him for lunch, scampering to our car holding my trousers aloft and snarling profanities under my breath as my feet sunk into the slush.  “Haven’t seen those in a while.  Thanks for the rain, hon.”

While I’m flattered that my shoes have reached the level of apocryphal legend, I was determined to chuck them in the bin as soon as I got home.  Surprisingly it was J. who stopped me.
“Why not?” I demanded, holding them above the bin threateningly.
“Because they’re pretty,” he insisted.
My eyes narrowed.
“And because in the summer when it gets really hot, you can wear them and cool the day down.”
“You want me to keep evil shoes just so you can run experiments on them?”
“Yeah!”

So weigh in, minions.  Do I chuck them?  Will that be enough to break their power?  Or do I need to get the priest to sprinkle holy water on them before burning them in the backyard?  Should I keep them and use their powers for good?  Advise me.

12 thoughts on “Foot. Sore.”

  1. Keep ’em! At least you know their powers so they’re less likely to surprise you. Plus, honestly, I’m with J about the nasty desert summer days! 🙂

  2. keep them. for sure. that way when God stops up the heavens for all the jimmer worship going on at byu, you can redeem us. also just because you throw them away doesn’t mean it’ll stop. they could come back a la talking tina from the twilight zone. or end up in the hands of another foolish mortal a la jumanji. what you REALLY need to do is find a pair of shoes that induce sunshine. that’s my vote.

  3. I gave away a bad-luck talisman once. (It was an evil ceramic chicken, and worthy of a story in it’s own right.) The guy I gave it to was fired from his job soon thereafter. It would be immoral to give them to some poor unsuspecting sucker. You are stuck with them until they are no longer in style. (Style outranks morality anyday–at least when it come to shoes.)

    What’s ‘jimmer worship’?

    1. That chicken WAS evil!

      Jimmer – n. One of the best basketball players we’ve had in our university history – lead us to the Sweet Sixteen in the college national tournament. Pretty impressive kid too.

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