Tag: Curse

Foot. Sore.

“I’m watching the Weather Channel more than I’ve ever watched it. I’m scared to death it’s going to rain.”
– John Elway

For nearly a year they lurked in the back of my closet, biding their time and growing in dark power.  Watching.  Waiting.   And today their moment came.  I was rushing around this morning and needed a pair of flats, so I reached into the dark depths and dragged them out.

Satan's footwear.

The cursed purple shoes.

And true to form the morning poured down rain for hours before turning into snow, making everyone’s thoughts of Spring die with the crocuses and budding leaves.

Worst of all, everyone knew it was my fault.  I walked past Sav’s desk and, with a raised voice and condemning pointing finger, she declared, “This is your fault!  You wore them!”  Susie said something similar.  Even J. burst out laughing when I met him for lunch, scampering to our car holding my trousers aloft and snarling profanities under my breath as my feet sunk into the slush.  “Haven’t seen those in a while.  Thanks for the rain, hon.”

While I’m flattered that my shoes have reached the level of apocryphal legend, I was determined to chuck them in the bin as soon as I got home.  Surprisingly it was J. who stopped me.
“Why not?” I demanded, holding them above the bin threateningly.
“Because they’re pretty,” he insisted.
My eyes narrowed.
“And because in the summer when it gets really hot, you can wear them and cool the day down.”
“You want me to keep evil shoes just so you can run experiments on them?”

So weigh in, minions.  Do I chuck them?  Will that be enough to break their power?  Or do I need to get the priest to sprinkle holy water on them before burning them in the backyard?  Should I keep them and use their powers for good?  Advise me.