Who Are You Wearing?

“Fashion is made to become unfashionable.”
– Coco Chanel

Alright, darlings, did anyone else get a slight feeling of “meh” watching the Academy Awards’ red carpet?  Just me?  Don’t get me wrong, there were some good and some bad and we shall judge them momentarily, but I thought many of them just sort of fell somewhere in the middle.  In recognition of the so-so gowns, we’ve added a new category this year, for your reading pleasure.

The trends this year seemed to be cap sleeves, red, purple, and nude-ish colors, and there were a lot of successes – I’m feeling the cap sleeves particularly for some reason, I like the lady-like vibe of it all.  Also!  Did anyone notice the emeralds everywhere.  Loving the green!  Thoughts?  Raging disagreement?  Let me know.

The Good

– Bow down, mortals!  Cate Blanchett is here and she’s wearing a Givenchy dress that no other woman on earth could possibly pull off.  Seriously, name one other woman alive who could wear that dress and make it look half as stunning, I dare you.
– Mila Kunis in Elie Saab.  She gets points for being on-trend and bringing some much-needed oomph.

– Amy Adams in L’Wren Scott, we’re judging this ensemble separately.  The jewels (emeralds!) are fabulous and the dress is as well, but let’s face it, that necklace and that neckline should not have been paired.  Still, I love the silhouette and the navy.  Also, I want that bracelet!
– Annette Bening in Naeem Khan.  Still showing the love for the cap sleeves and emeralds, so I’ve got to show her some love right on back.  Plus I think grays are undervalued hues and she’s rocking this one.

– Dame Helen Mirren in Vivienne Westwood.  Bow down again, mortals, you will never be this fabulous at any age.
– Jennifer Hudson brought color in Versace.  Best.  Weightwatchers Ad.  Ever.

The Meh – (a new category, born of desperation)

– Did anyone else think that this Valentino wasn’t all that great on Anne Hathaway?  I liked it from the waist up, but the bunches seemed dated…I just didn’t like it.  I thought some of her actual ceremony gowns much better.  Cue the rage-fest, I’ve already ducked.
– I can hear you from here.  “Why, C.,” you say, “if you liked the cap sleeves so much, why is Michele Williams – in Chanel no less – ranked here?”  For a number of reasons.  First she always looks identical on the red carpet: blonde pixie cut, really pale color dress, a bit of a tween look, and for some reason this gown does nothing for her figure.

– Reese Witherspoon, currently campaigning for Miss America (darling, what exactly was the though process behind your pageant hair?) in Armani Prive.  Nice dress, nothing truly spectacular, but she does get some Small Dog emerald love.
– An increasingly pregnant Natalie Portman in Rodarte – naturally.  Her earrings looked like something she picked up at a street vendor’s kiosk, somewhere where tourists converge in startling numbers to do crass things in loud voices and take pictures of themselves.

The Bad

– Scarlett Johansson in Dolce and Gabanna.  Good.  Bleeding.  Grief.  Someone’s grandmother’s doily sprouted a head and decided to go the Kodak Theatre.  More remarkably, somebody let it inside and took pictures of it.
– Nicole Kidman.  Oh, Nicky.  Like unto Charlize Theron last year, you picked a predatory Dior gown, and it accosted you in public.  However, we loved the red shoes.

– Penelope Cruz in L’Wren Scott.  Last year she was wearing a dress that I wanted to rip from her back, run away with, and play Miss Havisham with for the rest of my life.  This year my disappointment knows no bounds.  On the upside, she acquired a sexy husband so here’s a tip o’ my hat to you, madame.
– I don’t even know who Sharon Stone is wearing, and I can’t care.  Because any second now she’s going to morph into something mythical and ravenous, and she’s going to come after you.  And you will die.  Run.

The Ugly

– Melissa Leo in Marc Bouwer.  See Scarlett Johansson.
– Florence Welch in Valentino.  Words fail me.

Best Dressed

– Hailee Steinfeld in a lovely, age-appropriate, and uniformly pretty Marchesa.  The shoes, the headband, the hair, all of it, I was very impressed.  This girl is here to stay, fashionably and theatrically.  Also, J. would like it recognized that he thinks she deserved the Oscar and is extremely bitter that she didn’t get it.

Some notes on the evening’s entertainment:
– Melissa Leo drops more F-bombs than the King’s Speech.  Luckily the censors weren’t napping, well done.
– Anne Hathaway can sing.  Who knew?
– James Franco as Marilyn Monroe.  Try sleeping tonight.
– Christian Bale forgets his stunning and talented wife’s name.  Oops.
– J. blames John Williams’ musical genius for the horrendous Star Wars prequels.
– Cate Blanchett.  So fabulous it hurts.
– What the heck?!  President Obama?
– What the heck?!  Oprah Winfrey?!
– Oh Robert Downey Jr., you’re so witty.  And charming.
– I don’t care that she sings country, I still find Gwyneth Paltrow unbearable.
– Also, apparently she can’t sing very well.
– Too many P-words in a row for Hale Berry.  Better than Melissa Leo’s faux pas.
– Annual Hilary Swank debate: Hot or Not?  (J. says no.)
– “The Triangle of Man Love” is a phrase that probably should not be uttered on basic cable
– Anyone surprised Natalie Portman won?
– I was fully prepare to riot if Colin Firth didn’t win Best Actor, but it’s all right.  Stand down, minions!
– The King’s Speech won!

100 thoughts on “Who Are You Wearing?”

  1. I just wrote you the longest comment and it got deleted…ahh so frustrating.

    Well, I love that you did this. I just watched a little more than half of the show and you were spot on with your little recap! So funny! I agree with everything you said.

    As for the fashion review, I have to disagree with a few things. First, Reese Witherspoon. I loved her! I think she looked so classy and I liked her Miss America hair a lot! On the other hand, Mila K (I don’t even know who she is to be honest) looked like she was trying to hard to me- I didn’t like the lingerie look on top- too revealing, same with Jennifer Hudson, didn’t appreciate seeing her boobs, but other than that, she looked fabulous.

    I am trying to decide if I like Anne Hathaway. Your thoughts?

    Hope you are doing well. I haven’t talked to you in a while! Love ya!!!

  2. I disagree on a few points, but only one seems worth mentioning.

    Cate Blanchett? With so many doiles on the red carpet, what prompts you to find this dinner napkin tucked under her chin to prevent spills on, what I hope, is a great dress underneath? Her dress was probably my least favorite of the night (with Nicole Kidman coming in right on her heels).

    🙂 However, you are right about one thing – no one else could even make that dress look halfway decent but her.

  3. I LOVE Natalie Portman’s dress and earings! She is gorgeous and unique always. I usually love Nicole Kidman’s attire as well, but that one was a miss.

    Congrats for being featured on Freshly Pressed!

  4. Great synopsis for those of us who couldn’t attend. I mean, watch. But I was thrilled to see my future husband, Colin Firth, win.

    What’s that? He has a wife? It’s Hollywood…that’s a temporary condition. 😉

    And I love your “The Meh” category. Perfectly appropriate…

    Fun post!

  5. I watched the Red carpet live yesterday and I’m not defending no one because overall the fashion on the red carpet was Blah. Nothing struck me as amazing.
    I do disagree with some of your selections because unfortunately if I was offered to wear some of those dresses I would pick them up and throw them in the trash, but they photographed amazingly.
    Cate Blanchett dress, Seriously, When I saw her I was like did space fashion come back?! but I look at her picture and I’m like wow this dress looks good.
    Mila Kunis dress, OMG kill me, shreds all over, this was a left over dress with a very wide neck line that they decided to patch up five minutes before she got on the carpet. Again it photographed great.
    Michele Williams: Worst Dressed, She looks 20 years older than she is. Thats a dress my grandma would wear.
    Anne Hathaway wore like Six dress some I loved some I hated but I think she did great hosting.
    Natalie Portman: common It’s so hard to look great while being pregnant. It’s limiting but I think she looks amazing.
    Now from the dresses that looked amazing live but photographed horribly.
    Scarlett Johansson, She looked amazing yesterday. Out of everyone that walked the carpet I loved her the most, hair, makeup it was perfect, but I look at her picture here and she looks gothic which isn’t a bad thing, it just doesn’t suit her specially going to the Oscars.
    Melissa Leo looked age appropriate the dress was creative and inspiring but looking at her picture, OMG, it looks horrific.
    Anyways these are some of my thoughts, I have more but this is enough.
    Thanks for posting 🙂

  6. Thanks for the fashion recap. I am so gown-challenged that all I could think to say about Oscar fashion was “There was glitter, puffy skirts, and some bows.” Kudos for a great post!

  7. Something about Anne Hathaway’s mouth – every time she opened it I felt it was coming for me, and not in a good way. HD TV is not kind on Oscar night.

    Plus, am I the only one thinking Jennifer Hudson can stop with the weight loss? Even put on a few of the missing pounds?

    Love the pics you have posted – Keith Urban is looking a perfect pet!

  8. Such a fun night….I couldn’t believe how many times Ann Hathaway changed her clothes! Loved the navy dress; the cream one with embroidery; the red one…

    Melissa Leo looked desperately uncomfortable, but happy.
    Loved Cate B’s dress.
    Thought Annette Bening looked fab, as always.
    Christian Bale…how the *&^%# can you actually forget your wife’s name?!
    Loved the sweetness and modesty of Colin F’s speech; his performance last year in A Single Man was amazing truly deserved that Oscar.
    Sandra Bullock looked great in red.
    I found it amusing that the woman who won for costume design the 3rd time looked a little ratty — didn’t love those black lace gloves.
    SO glad that Inside Job won for best documentary. If you haven’t seen it, run!

    And the men need to get past that all black — shirt, tie, jacket look. Ugly!

    I had the perfect perch — eating room service food in my hotel room alone.

  9. Once again, Helen Mirren…. absolutely fabulous! I also liked the colour of Jennifer Hudson’s dress. Another one who I thought fab was Juoiette Lewis-not sure if she attended the Oscars itself but if you check outthe photos from the Vanity Fair party on their website… I think she looked the best she has done… probably like…ever.

  10. Scarlett Johansson in Dolce and Gabanna. Good. Bleeding. Grief. Someone’s grandmother’s doily sprouted a head and decided to go the Kodak Theatre.

    Ahahaha great line. Hudson looked spectacular in orange, but as my partner told me later, “she’s getting way too thin.”

    After looking at your examples, I felt “meh.” Natalie Portman looked stunning in that color, and it was very flattering on a pregnant lady.

    Congratulations on being FP! Well deserved.

  11. I thought Portman looked stunning in her waterfall dress. It is a great color for her, especially now that she has more meat on her frame from the pregnancy. And at least Helena Bonham-Carter was not too out there in her dress.

  12. You’re totally right about Cate! Beautiful dress that everyone else would look like sh*t in.

    On the whole I wasn’t stunned and very few dresses made me squeal like a little girl with excitement, which was a bit of a disappointment. . . but whatevs. There’s always those hideous ones.

  13. I really didn’t like Cate Blanchett’s dress. Just didn’t get it at all.

    Didn’t love Melissa Leo’s dress either, but we knew she wouldn’t look great, and this might be the best she’s looked at an awards show, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. The “F” word didn’t bother me. That’s how people talk, and she said it so spontaneously that I felt sorry for her, because she put her hand over her mouth right away. The pinch me moment I could live with. When she took Kirk’s can, I thought, Christ, when will actors ever learn to STOP? Not only was it tacky, the poor guy could have taken a header right there on the stage.

    I liked Reese Witherspoon’s dress and hair. I also liked Sharon Stone when I saw a bigger pic, but in the small pic she looks like one of the alien mothers from “Aliens”. Very predatory, I have to agree.

    I thought, given that Penelope Cruz just had a baby, she looked pretty good. Not her best, but good.

    Anne Hathaway — loved that dress until I saw the bottom of it. I have to agree, the top (and the color) looked fabulous on her, but the bottom was not doing it for me, either.

    I didn’t care for Mila Kunis’ dress on the carpet, but on stage it looked much better. Jennifer Hudson, great dress, great color on her, but her boobs looked weird. Hoisted too high, and they looked weirdly articifial — in terms of placement.

  14. Congrats on being freshly pressed! Enjoyed reading the post, made up for the fact that I only watched 5 minutes of it, the part where the F-bomb was dropped.

    Nicole Kidman would look great in Cate Blanchett’s dress, instead of the hideous thing she wore.

    Mila Kunis looked uncomfortable, though it was a pretty dress, just not for her.

    Amy Adams – Gorgeous dress, nope on the jewelry

    Annette Bening – Fabulous

    Helen Mirren – Nope. Hated the sleeves.

    Jennifer Hudson – Liked the dress from the waist down.

    Anne Hatheway – Radiant smile, hideous gown.

    Scarlett J. – Great dress from mid-torso down.

    Michelle Williams – Looked like a silver female Oscar.

    Reese Witherspoon – 60s hairstyle fit the cute dress better than it fit her.

    Natalie Portman – The dress looked tattered, but loved her shoes.

    Penelope Cruz – Lovely Phoenix rising gown from the mid-torso down.

    Sharon Stone – Her look and your hilarious description of her made me think of Drusilla from 101 Dalmations. Although I thought her dress was quite cute.

    Melissa – Egads. Cute, just not fitting for the Oscars.

    Florence – Her gown looked like remnants from Gone with the Wind

    Hailey Steinfeld: Simply a gorgeous dress and loved those shoes. Best Dressed? Agreed!

    1. I liked Halle Berry’s dress. Does she have the best body in Hollywood or what?! Amazing bod, for sure. And she is so pretty with minimal make-up and hair.

  15. Here’s one other thought — what did you think about all the nude dresses with sparkles? There seemed to be so many of them. What’s up with that trend?

    1. I liked them, but as you say, there were a lot of them. When everyone is wearing a similar thing, there’s not enough to get judg-over. I liked Mandy Moore’s gown quite a bit, and Halle Berry’s was plenty lovely, but they just didn’t wow me. I like colors.

  16. Love the Valentino on Florence Welsh! And OH MY what happened to J Hudson?? And.. When? Was I under a rock all this time?? I can’t believe how much weight she lost in like 3 minutes. Weight Watchers, really?

    1. Really? The Florence Welsh Valentino? That was probably the most universally reviled dresses of the evening. It was hideous. And not by any stretch of the imagination in a good way.

      Honestly, it boggles my mind that anyone could have liked that dress. How? Why? Any way to explain? I’d love to know your reasoning, truly. Because it’s hard to fathom.

  17. Hailee Steinfeld looked amazing. It’s nice to see a 14 year-old, actually look like a 14-year old.

    Halle Berry could wear a potato sack and look gorgeous.

    I actually wasn’t a fan of Jennifer Hudson’s dress. She, herself, looked fantastic but there was weird boobage going on in the cleavage area.

    Amy Adams, nice color but didn’t love it. Jewelry ruined the look.

    Hilary Swank, not. She’s a great woman and actress but sorry, too much of a horse mouth.

    Btw, am I the only one who thought James Franco seemed high all night? lol

  18. I agree I severely dislike gwyneth paltrow, every time she’s thrust into the limelight I feel sick. She’s vile. I hope she stays away from projects that I love, including Glee. Nice Review!

  19. I thought Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman looked gorgeous, but then again I am a bit biased because I love them both and loved Black Swan.

    As far as Gwenyth Paltrow goes, I loved Country Strong, I really did, and afterwards I thought maybe I could like her. Then I tried to watch her SNL episode and realized she still bothers the crap out of me. I just can’t stand her for some reason. I’m glad I’m not the only one!

  20. Bale did forget his wife’s name…hahahahahaha..that was hilarious!!! The drugs were working too too well.
    Hailee looked like a little dream.
    Mila Kunis I kept thinking a nipple was about to make an appearence. Too low cut. Hike that bad boy up!

  21. Not being a fashion expert, I leave that to my lovely wife, I find the Oscars just a way for the Hollywood types to massage each other in front of the cameras. I chose my words carefully. Congrats on FP

  22. The only thing about the Oscars is the recap on the dresses…thanks for the smiles. And I agree Hailee Steinfeld
    was The Best-Dressed and all mortals should bow to the Goddess Mirren, who I want to be when I grow up…she is freakin’ fan-tab-u-lous!

  23. Judging people dresses is the best part of the awards show. The rest of the show bored me so I only watched about 40 minutes of it. I agree, the capped sleeves are really cute this year!

  24. O.K. The “Dress Review” was Fab…..but “Where’s the shoes?”..

    Please ,don’t tell me they all stowed “Payless” under those gowns…..

    spread the humor: charlywalker.wordpress.com

  25. Agreed that her red carpet gown was just OK, but Anne Hathaway was stunning during the ceremony itself when in her dark blue Armani Prive… and of course, the gender-bending Lanvin tux. 😉

    Helen Mirren was great in her stately Westwood gown, and put me in the slightly nutty camp that actually like Helena Bonham-Carter’s number too.

  26. I love the oscars because the fahsion is always amazing. I was hoping everyone could come check out my blog. I just started word press and have a hilarious new story I just posted. Leave comments please, I’d love to hear what you think. Thanks

  27. I love judging the beautiful. I disagree about Anne Hathaway. She can do no wrong in my book. She is so classic.

    I did NOT like Cate Blanchette’s dress. I honestly did not recognize her in that dress. It’s like she went out of her way to pic the most boring dress she could find.

    Scarlet Johansen needed to run a comb through her hair.

  28. I thought Cate’s dress was interesting. I agree nobody else could pull it off. My husband just said, “I don’t get it.” It was pretty funny. I agree with the above comment about Scarlet combing her hair. She is so beautiful, but her hair–goofy bad. Loved your review! I only watch the award shows for the dresses anyways. 🙂

  29. I love this post. I have a morbid fascination with all the boobs and glitter of the whole thing. It’s a like a good dream fantasy of a train wreck. After awhile I have absolutely no opinion about anything. Tell me the dress is fabulous or tell me it looks like it was created from Styrofoam peanuts. I don’t care. It’s all good.

  30. I just wasn’t digging Cate’s dress. I hosted an Oscar Party and nearly everyone in the room was like “What is she wearing?” By the end of the night it got nicknamed the “wart dress.”

  31. You were right when you said the bunches seemed dated on Anne Hathaway’s dress. Rachel Zoe dressed her. In an interview with EW, Rachel said, “Both Annie and I have an incredible history with Mr. Valentino, and his retirement is very sad to the red carpet of the world. It was an incredible honor for Annie to be able to wear a dress from his archives because it’s not something we’ve seen in a long time since his retirement. ” It was not a current dress, thus it seemed/is dated.

    http://popwatch.ew.com/2011/02/28/rachel-zoe-anne-hathaway-oscar-outfits/

  32. Reese Witherspoon usually leaves me unimpressed, but I thought she was gorgeous on Oscar night, and thought her dress was elegant and a great choice among the fluff and sparkle. Anne Hathaway was gorgeous, as usual, but the two red before-and-after gowns didn’t compare with her choices during the Oscars.

    Nice post– Have a great day!

  33. Sorry, I think the wart dress for Cate was the perfect description, since I have been saying a sea urchin threw up on her. And I love Cate, so it was disappointing!! What about the director in that red cut out??? So awful! So many others looked stunning too. Sandra and the red theme got over done. But she looked fabulous.

    Anne really pulled the show!!

    Nice article! Thanks for your wonderful opinions!

  34. Mila Kunis is really hot in that dress.
    Scarlett Johansson is brave. I think She carried that dress well. Just that dress is not a “safe style” that can favor everybody.

  35. Aw, but I really liked Reese’s hair!

    Also, why no mention of EMMA STONE’S AWESOME CHANEL FIREWORK DRESS? Hair was not the best look for her, but that was my favorite dress of the night.

    Also and In Conclusion, I am in favor of Cate’s Givenchy, and would very much like to be married in Hailee’s Marchesa.

  36. If Anne H. had worn that blue column dress on the carpet she would been voted best dressed. It knocked me out. No on creepy Sharon Stone. Why didn’t her stylist tell her to stand up straight? If Jennifer H’s bodice had criss crossed instead of making a rectangle it would have been prettier…

    Off the subject… Have any of you seen Bethany’s bluefly ad? Homeless in Ungaro (not funny). Buttons people – THINK! She’s right, she’s a keeper! Why did I used to like her?….Think!

  37. definitely agree with you about amy adams and the necklace the dress was pretty and the necklace is to die for ….but they dont go together i think pairing the two take focus away from each separately.

  38. Wow, aren’t you popular with this post-Oscar review!! 87 responses!!
    While I didn’t watch the show, I did watch E’s red carpet report a day later. I agree with your synopsis- except for Cate Blanchett- I hated that big circle. HATED.IT. I love her tho- she looked beautiful despite the gaping hole.

    Helen Mirren is FABULOUS. I am constantly stunned by her gorgeousness.

    Gwenyth is like that country music star who decided to change his name, then go “Pro” at baseball- DELUSIONAL. It is very important that celebrities have at least one reasonable person who is not a “Yes” person on their staff to keep things real. Clearly Gwenyth doesn’t have that person.

      1. Well, scrolling thru the commentary- I’m seeing you were FP!! Congrats!! I’m sure people were searching for some good, juicy Oscar gossip and you provided!

  39. really liked your review! agreed with almost everything you said, it was definitely a dull year for red carpet. thought your little points were quite funny, well done.

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