Tales From Walmart

“Wal-mart… do they like make walls there?”
– Paris Hilton

Walmart is still not my favorite place to shop.  I admit there are numerous variations ‘twixt the Walmarts of different areas, but I really do believe our local one to be sort of horrid.  It’s disorganized and sometimes dirty, the salespeople have been unhelpful and often rude, and I’ve had several bad experiences with product quality.  But I suspect the real reason I avoid Walmart is because every time I enter its doors I meet the oddest people.

Saturday, Sadie needed someone to run her to the store for some last minute shopping and the place she requested was Walmart.  So, off we went to print pictures for Pieter – still in Belgium and France for another three months, snag laundry detergent, and shampoo.  We exchanged stores of odd adventures we’d each had in Walmart and crossed our fingers that we wouldn’t have one that day.  We made it through without incident until we were waiting in line and the great sliding doors of freedom were within reach…

When from behind us a man piped up.
“Do you see that baby?”

We both swiveled from the drooling child sitting in the cart in front of us to the man behind us.  He was in a wheelchair and had a pleasant face, but he must have been on several medications affecting his pigmentation because his skin was a strange color between gray and dark blue.  He was staring at the baby, Sadie and I alternatively.
“Yes, sir,” I answered his question.
“Well, do you know that I can make babies talk to me in my mind?”
“Oh?”  Sadie and I kept our eyebrows from climbing, but just barely.
“Yes,” he said firmly.  “I just made that baby wave at me.”

Cheap produce, home goods, and theology, all at a low price!

We both glanced at the child in question, still gnawing on the handrail of the cart and not paying much attention to anyone.
“See, I think they remember me from before they were born when they hear me in their mind.”
“Really?” I asked, not really knowing what else to say.
“Yes.  You know, like the Horse Whisperer.  Or the Dog Whisperer!  I like that show.  Look!  The baby’s waving at me again!”

It wasn’t.

We politely bade him good day and proceeded to checkout.  Walmart is a bizarre place!

6 thoughts on “Tales From Walmart”

  1. This is precisely why we go out of our way to shop at the one 10 miles south of our fair city. Although that one is also starting to suck.

  2. I was going to leave that link Ransom left for you too- omg. I hate Walmart. There are two where i live and one is somewhat clean-ish while the other is a nightmare. I will drive farther and pay more for Target, thank you very much!

  3. Reminds me of the time I was at the bus stop by Wal-Mart and this crazy man starting ranting at Becky and me. Apparently the government had implanted a computer chip somewhere in his arm, and now he was on the run from various top secret organizations. And the cause of all this drama? Well, his evil step-sisters would rather take over the world than become slaves to sex.
    I really don’t miss that Wal-Mart.

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