Tag: America

Immigrant Thoughts

“However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion.” 
― George Washington

People sometimes ask when Jeff and I will return to the States. It makes me howl with laughter. I may not be a citizen of the UK, but I work hard and pay taxes here. And in exchange…

I have free healthcare including birth control and OBGYN services.

Hell, I have an IUD already.

I have maternity and paternity leave protections and options should I need them.

I have access to abortion services should I require them.

I have robust public transportation.

I am an immigrant who feels protected by the laws of the nation I live in.

Yeah, we’ve got Brexit (a mess), sky rocketing rent (ugh), and nationalism on the rise here in Europe too (guys, what the hell?!). But living here does not frighten me. Are there acts of public violence? Horribly yes, but they are peanuts compared to those of my own country. I might think some individual politicians are through the looking glass, but I don’t feel as though one party or personality is holding this nation hostage. Yes we have hypocrisy here, but it doesn’t cause me whiplash or existential dread.

I am an American who, without hyperbole–I’m not invoking the tired meme of moving to Canada–has no desire to live in my own country during the present moment. I see too much going on that I can’t understand, reject, and of which I am genuinely fearful. Don’t misunderstand, I recognize that we are not experiencing collapse or ruin or war or famine like so many other nations are. I don’t pretend to believe that we’re in an apocalypse. But I still don’t want to live there.

I don’t expect perfection from my country, but I do expect better than what I have experienced in my 14 years as an active and involved voter. I am horrified to see bad faith rewarded in the way that I feel I have in my voting lifetime. I fear the long term repercussions, including radicalism on my own side. But I fear even more the darker underlying forces at work in my country which I knew existed, but of whose power and influence I significantly and ignorantly mis-estimated for way too long.

The good news is that while I may live in a different country that I love, my vote still counts in my own which I love just as much. I will sure as hell be using it. And I am putting money where my mouth is from now through November; I encourage like minded voters to do the same.

Midterms matter.

Get mad. Stay mad.


Self Care for the Perpetually Irritated

“There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

I’m a self-described news junkie who has followed several platforms and branches of the news media closely for my entire adult life. And as a current American expat, a former military brat with both current active duty and retired military family members, a staunch feminist, and someone who works in a field intimately influenced by the finance industry (to say nothing of international policy in dozens of countries on multiple continents)…there’s a lot to follow! I consume a lot of news and these days, as is well documented, a lot of it makes my angry, nervous, and downright pissed. As Solange put it, there’s “a lot to be mad about.”

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Me during my first morning news check in.

That being said, one of the things that I’m really concerned about in the current American and British political moments is outrage fatigue. I’ve mentioned this in some comment conversations before, so I know I’m not alone in this worry. Anger is amazing fuel, it’s carried me through more than one challenge in my life. But I don’t believe it’s a perpetually sustaining source of power; it burns out. And it can occasional burn people out as well, when the burden of rising to every piece of bad news with rage simply becomes emotionally unsustainable and politically un-organize-able. I’m genuinely concerned that there are vested interests in the US who are betting that if they keep up a constant stream of conflict and splashy actions, people like me will eventually burn out–i.e., cease the opposition, allowing those vested interests to get away with much worse.

On the flip side, I also don’t believe that outraged reaction as a policy position is terribly effective–at least not in a permanent way, though I think it can be marvelously effective in the short term on the part of the citizenry! It may surprise some readers, but I am not in favor of single minded obstructionist strategies on the part of the left right now. By which I mean that if the president proposed policy broadly aligned with liberal principles, I’d expect leaders to support it (the trouble is that at the moment, the president has yet to put forward a policy I support, but I remain theoretically open to the notion). I railed against obstructionist behavior when conservative stoned walled President Obama, it would be hypocritical of me to support such behavior now. Being consistently against something is not the same thing as having a proactive platform of your own, something that I believe played out to Democratic disadvantage in the recent election. Anger fuels revolutions, but it’s usually taken cooler heads to turn revolt into civic progress rather than a short dive into tyranny or chaos. It’s not enough to emote in response to government actions we find immoral or unlawful, you have to mobilize. That takes organization, articulation of proactive positions and not just reactive ones, effort, and long term commitment…all of which can be difficult to sustain if you are operating from a place of near or actual burnout.

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Me checking in during my afternoon news-and-tea break after a few hours away from the internet.

I know for a fact that I’m susceptible to outrage fatigue. And I also know that I plan on being more political involved and engaged than I have been heretofore. Meaning that I’m going to need a thicker skin, a longer battery life, and several recharging stations along the way. To that end, I’m more committed than ever to emotional self care practices and keeping my emotional energy well tended and focused. I’m still learning, but if like me you’ve stared responding to “BREAKING NEWS” signs with cringes and expletives, here are a few things that I’ve found that keep me even keeled when I want to panic or smash things.

Top Tips Thus Far From Someone Still Figuring it Out:

Don’t pick fights for the sake of fighting. Plenty of people are doing that already. If you feel so inclined to join the fray, have at it, but know that you’re expending emotional energy that may be better served elsewhere and that you may need later. Personally, at the moment I’ve given up trying to change a lot of people’s minds through arguing. Where I can find respectful conversations, I engage. Where I find flame wars, I avoid.

Don’t be afraid to enjoy frivolous things that bring your pleasure–and don’t let anyone shame you for it. Yes, there’s a lot of bad stuff happening all over the globe at the moment. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to enjoy and share small things that make you happy. I remember a criticism leveled at me waaaaaay back in the earlier days of my blogging where someone informed me that I couldn’t be a “real” feminist because I mostly wrote humor posts at the time. A couple of years later, I was called a “stupid/shallow” woman for talking about my love of fashion and beauty. At the time, these (fairly minor) critiques caused me a lot of self-doubt…which was precisely their intent. Today my response is a bellowing, “Nonsense!” As if it’s impossible to have a sense of humor, and like lipstick, and have thoughts about the wage gap, parental leave, and social constructs all at the same time. Everyday pleasures are important and people interested in shaming you do not have your best interests at heart.

Avoid toxicity. Sometimes we need to engage in hard conversations and go to tough places, usually because there is a reward to earn or a morally good fight to be undertaken. Sometimes, there is no discernible good in exposing yourself to certain platforms or people–sometimes being in those places can cause you damage. In those cases, do not give those people or platforms your time, attention, or money.

Maintain your internal bullshit barometer. We live in a consumer media world largely based on provocation and reaction, it takes effort to maintain a critical eye and perspective. Do not get worked up over, much less share information without vetting it first. If and when you find your control over your own perspective shifting to all-to-easily agree with the last article you read or pundit you listened to, it’s time for a break.

Actively seek out things that make you feel happy. Legal and innocuous, I stress! Whether that’s time with your partner or friends, reading a book, exercise, stand up comedy, podcasts, puppy videos…no matter. It’s ridiculously easy to feel like the world is a terrible place and the only logical course of action is to ball up in a corner by ourselves somewhere. Just remember,  that’s the argument that got us into our current political predicament! Go find things that spark joy and make them a part of your daily routine.

Unplug from time to time. Barring nuclear disaster (which, depending on your point of view at the moment may in fact be a credible threat), there will be more bad news coming down the pike shortly and, if you are committed to your cause, you will be required to act in some way in response. Allocate your attention accordingly.

Conserve your energy where you can. Not every tweet, pronouncement, or even action is a Defcon 1 level threat. In fact, some of the news right is laugh out loud ridiculous. Find the humor where possible, and allocate your energy where it’s needed.


What about you? What emotional habits have you had to cultivate in the 21st century news and political climate? What works for you and what doesn’t?

Hither and Yon

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.”
– St. Augustine

Sorry for the hiatus, darlings, J. and I went on a roadtrip with parents, brother, sister, brother-in-law, and five assorted nieces and nephews and a partridge in a pear tree.  The purpose for this jaunt was to celebrate J.’s grandmother’s 90th birthday.

Let's not dwell on the grossness that is the unnamed Small Dog and focus rather on my nice husband and his awesome grandmother!

And she is well worth celebrating!  She was a nurse in WWII and was stationed in Wales, but made it all over the place, including France, Luxembourg, Ireland, and England.  She brought her uniforms for the kids to try on and dozens of books filled with pictures and memorabilia.  Apart from that she raised a large family by herself after her husband, a police officer, was killed in action.  And she is one of the happiest people I have ever met!  I’ve never seen her without a smile.  And she manages to make it to ever family function in spite of age, distance, or inconvenience.

In case you can't tell, that's a horse's, er, bum as it's grazing by the local salon.

Now, as to the vacation itself, it was a novelty.  My family hasn’t done much in the way of small trips.  We’ve either been living on a forsaken island in the Pacific that required a dozen hours flying to escape, or in Europe where if you drive an hour you’re in another country.  My parents just had a trip to Sicily (where they were waylaid by a volcano).  In the past few years we’ve gone to Australia, China, Italy, Austria, and my parents also got Thailand squeezed in there while J. and I visited England for Christmas.  Plus a rather lot of traipsing back and forth across the Atlantic.  But short roadtrips to and through towns with a population of less that 600 are foreign!

Atticus tries on his old high school jacket...and it fits!

One of the uncles made homemade root beer with dry ice that bubbled away like witches brew, another made cotton candy.  An aunt was in charge of the whole thing and sent everyone out on treasure hunts, got the entire clan to play dress up (and in some cases, Cross Dress, which in less capable hands is normally an awkward game…), and organized enough food for everyone.

Sidenote: people pronouncing this sort of sign "Yee old" anything drives me absolutely up the wall. It's an Anglo-Saxon character pronounced "th." Nerd rant over. You may be seated.

Which was good, because other than that almost every meal we ate was deep fried in some capacity and my internal workings have not yet recovered.  I mean, deep friend bread!  I thought that was just in the South…I was so wrong.  These foolish Americans actually call such things scones!  And while I remain adamant that scones are something of a more biscuit variety to be consumed with tea, eating something (anything) deep friend and slathered in honey butter is not something to turn one’s nose up at.

And finally, despite living here for years, I’ve not actually seen a lot of the American West.  Las Vegas, some parts of Colorado, fin. And while it will never convert me away from trees and lush grass…the mountains, rugged emptiness of it, and the oases of vibrant life are quite lovely!

We stopped to watch this go off a couple of times, and even ate dinner at a turn of the century hotel overlooking the site. It smelled of eggs and spattered the car with minerals, but isn't it fun?