Category: Humor

A London Send-Off

“On Waterloo Bridge where we said our goodbyes,
the weather conditions bring tears to my eyes.”
― Wendy Cope

Rose, one of my buddies here in London, has been a research and teaching assistant for the last few months, but alas her program has ended and she’s heading for a last nomadic romp around the British Isles before moving back to the States. I’m sorry to lose her, we’ve had a lot of fun girl dates together, but far be it from me to stand in the way of academia’s next rising start! At the very least though, we knew she had to take in a bit more of the city before she left so we made a day of it down along Queen’s Walk on the south bank of the Thames.

The first port of call was the popular Bleecker Street food truck, parked right against the balustrade and looking out over the river. They boast that they make their burgers with “real American cheese,” which is frankly not a phrase you hear a lot in London, but I’ve got to say, they nail a good Yankee burger! All are cooked medium rare unless specified otherwise and the result is a gorgeous meaty mouthful. May I suggest their Angry Fries as a side for the adventurous? Freshly cut and covered with hot sauce and finished with melted blue cheese. Rose got those, I got the sweet potato fries (the portions are generous) and we divided and devoured them straight down the middle.

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Filled with delicious food, we meandered down to the little known gem, the Southbank Centre Book Market under Waterloo Bridge. It’s small and tucked away but you can find some real literary treasures down here, including first editions of popular or important books, author signed copies, and every genre from trashy light reading to the densest of German philosophy.
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Afterwards we strolled back along the Centre to admire the skate park in its undercroft. For several months now, there’s been a bit of a social brawl happening around this area. Developers wanted to turn it into more of what’s sprung up along Queen’s Way, shops and restaurants, but the skating community rallied and campaigned hard to keep it the slightly rough and graffiti marked spot as it was. I’m happy to report the skaters have won. They collected over 27,000 official planning objections and the park is safe for the foreseeable future.
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Bye for now, Rose, thanks for coming out on one last adventure!

Shameless Food Porn in Spitalfields

“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch.”
― Orson Welles

The Brick Lane Market, which is just around the corner from Spitalfields Market and bleeds into a bunch of other less official markets (as previously discussed) is stuffed with good things. But when I convinced Jeff to go wandering with me the other weekend, we spent an inordinate amount of time surveying the food options. This is partly because Jeff’s metabolism is a ridiculous thing that requires (no exaggerated, by the way, doctors confirmed) nearly four times as many calories as me a day to just maintain his weight. And also because there were free samples at every turn.

With that, I present to you the fascinating, and mouthwatering, cross section of global cuisine we taste tested.
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Ethiopian.

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French – and who would have thought beef bourguinon would ever count as street food!

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Oh, Canada!

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Chinese.

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Southern North American.

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Malaysian. Pancakes. Apparently, with a side of surprise.

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Thai.
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 North African.

Hungry? Come visit. I know where the good food lives.

 

Sending Up the Online/Freelancer/Blogger Batsignal

“If you need help bark like a dog.”
“That’s stupid. If I need help I’ll shout help.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings

Friends, readers, country-minions, lend me your thoughts!

One of my big goals this year is to upgrade this blog into a site. A simple one perhaps, but a site nonetheless. It’s served me well for nigh on seven years now (clutches self a bit to realize that) and it’s overdue some maintenance and love. I’ve been studying up on this for months now, probably closer to a year, but I still feel out of my depth and recently I realized that I’ve neglected a potentially killer source of expertise on this: you guys!

So tell me, have you made the leap from a .wordpress or .blogspot to a full on .com domain or known someone who has? How did you make decisions about hosting and other concerns? Was design an issue for you, and if so how did you solve them? Did you hire a brilliant friend or professional to help you transition or did you do it yourself? Any good founts of knowledge I should know about?

Direct me, kittens.

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Art and A Sense of Proportion

“I dream my painting and I paint my dream.”
― Vincent van Gogh

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed in the Louvre, but I find it’s the proximity that really throws one off balance. For example, in one of the many French galleries hangs this self-portrait by the artist with a couple of his masterworks hinted at behind him.
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Of course, the you turn around in the gallery and on the opposite wall…
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Paris, you are spoilt!

Friday Links

“There aren’t enough days in the weekend.”
~Rod Schmidt

Another big week. I’m working with a new client on a social entrepreneurial campaign which I’m finding fascinating and quite rewarding (as well as great fun), work at the Benjamin House goes swimmingly, and I had a couple of meetups with some fabulous women. Sleep deprivation continues as per usual, but so does contentment. I’m still trying to work out a better and more successful schedule, but I think that (like most things) I’m simply just going to have to knuckle down and accept that free time is a myth. At least until May.

Which is actually not that far off, come to think of it. The first quarter of this year flew by alarmingly fast.

Anyway, we’ve mustered a nice little roundup for you this week, the best and weirdest of the internet as always. Got anything that needs to be brought to the coterie’s attention? Self promotion encouraged, by the way, don’t forget to add your favorite blog posts for the minions to peruse. Share in the comments and have a great weekend!
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I’ve fallen prey to the selfie-shock phenomenon since I’ve discovered Instagram. My family are not huge picture takers, but Jeff and I have made a serious effort to document our live abroad. Which means instead of the mirror reflection, which I’m used to, photos of me tend to look like an entirely different person in my mind!  Anyone else experienced this or do I just have a massively lobsided face, apparently?

Speaking of, here’s a great short piece on how 21st century technology has rewired our brains. At  technology changes how we interact and use resource as a species, but now (ironically) we have the technology to track what technology does to us. Meta!

There will never be enough Shakespearean insult material on the internet as far as I’m concerned.

Map distortion is a funny thing that interests me greatly. Remember that scene in the film version of The King and I when the royal children can’t accept that Siam is such a small country? The same sorts of things happen today, and maps are one of the reasons. It’s extraordinarily difficult to transpose at 3D world onto a 2D piece of paper to start, but other issues like bias and imperialism play a distinct role. The best example is cartographic portrayals of Africa.

So…this kid. I’m incredibly impressed. (And committing to learning more about design form and function this year.)

I found this post from UK writing and publishing blog Novelicious to be excellent advice for any and all who wish to do any kind of writing professionally. The first person who should take your aspirations, plans, and work seriously is yourself – think and act accordingly.

I’m just going to leave this here: “Sorting 19th Century British Novelists Into Hogwarts.”

And that leads quite nicely into this. I’m Cecil Warburton. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate the proscribed format here and the well of futility and annoyance it drills into the dark depths of my novelist aspirational soul? Three steps. First name, last name, write your novel – I WISH.

As gratified as I am to learn the science behind the strictest of childhood laws, can it just be a good enough reason that it’s gross, rude, and communally irresponsible? No? Science it is!

Okay, I think I’ve found my new retirement plan idea. (The official blog is a stunner as well!)

And here’s another site for you, this one belonging to the lead costumer on Game of Thrones Season 3. Her work, heavily featuring stunning embroidery, is really incredible, and she’s also been a part of other major film and television works so check her galleries. Also, can we tell I’m outrageous excited for the series to be back on?!

Well that’s…gruesome. h/t Jess

Speaking of news on the writing front, let me humble brag shamelessly that a piece I wrote for Levo League was also picked up and shared by Business Insider this week. And I’ve been contacted about it being shared elsewhere. I’m beyond pleased that my work is starting to get out there – here’s planning on more to come!

Finally, at a loss for words? Vintage Robin is here to help you find that perfect exclamation with all of his own memorable ones compiled for your benefit.

 

A Night On The Seine and a Confession

“London is a riddle. Paris is an explanation.”
― G. K. Chesterson

On our first night in Paris after our meal, we wandered along the river at in the dark – one of the best ways to take in the city of lights. Couples were cuddling, friends were blowing lazy and very French streams of cigarette smoke, a few boys were making inappropriate comments to passing women and being rebuffed with perfect flicks of their eyebrows, and everything was bathed in soft gold light.
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Paris conflicts me. On the one hand, it’s stunningly beautiful. It’s colors of stone and slate are instantly recognizable the world over, and it wears both its age and good looks well. London, by comparison is certainly less romantic and elegant (Paris does have the advantage of not having been Blitzed in WWII, it must be said), and I think in many ways it’s less beautiful… but I still love London more.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not supposed to, like I’m obliged to adore Paris for the sophistication and je ne sais quoi that defines it over London’s rougher edges. But I don’t. I can’t help it. As much as I admire them and long for a touch of their style, I’m not a French girl at heart. I salute the Audrey Hepburns of the world, and will never stand in the way of a person who dreams of the Eiffel Tower, much less bash a genuine love of pastries and good dressing. Hell, hand over the pain au chocolat and wrap dresses! But as stunning as the Seine is at night, I’m afraid that in defiance of both convention and accepted popular taste, I say give me the Thames.
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I plan on coming back to Paris as often as I can, but the truth is that London got her hooks into me long ago and I doubt I’ll ever get them out again. And I don’t particularly want to. That quote at the top of the post is one of my favorites about the two cities, and in the end I much prefer the riddle!

Crepes and Lingua Franca

“In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.”
― Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad

Once upon a time, I had pretty decent schoolgirl French capabilities. I studied it Middle and High School (with a one year break for Latin, which I had to give up when we moved to a godforsaken island in the Pacific ocean…not that I have any remaining linguistic bitterness or anything). I also took two additional years of it at university, after which I quit so I could take other time heavy courses like Art History of the Northern Renaissance (which I talked my way into without any other Art History credentials) and Comparative Literature of the Early 18th Century.

My nerdiness is well established, yes?

Anyway, I was proud of my French. I’ll be the first to admit that it wasn’t always technically strong, I never really learned how to study properly until my last couple of years at university and grammar was always difficult, but my usage was great. More than one teacher questioned in interviews how I could get only moderate scores on written exams while being able to speak it well. The answer was, I used it. For two summers I lived and interned at NATO in Brussels, which is a multilingual organization. I heard it all the time, I used it out and about in the city, I read it everywhere on signs. I learn best by doing and that’s been as true for languages as any other skill I’ve tried to acquire. Heck, I even picked up a bit of Flemish Dutch just by listening to it and getting subtitles on every TV program.

But after I quit French, I didn’t get the chance to practice it again except for an occasional film. It slid into disuse. Because my technical skills weren’t as well developed, I actually felt it slipping from my grasp over time. My accent (which had once been complimented by a Parisian waiter who initially mistook me for a native speaker, high praise) got clunky and awkward in my own ears, my mouth forgot how to form itself to produce the correct sounds.

As we were gearing up for Paris Jeff kept teasing about making me speak to strangers or order food for everyone, but the truth is I was terrified. I wanted to practice my lost language but the very idea seemed overwhelming. The first day and a half was hard. I could read the placards and exhibitions information at Versailles, but it took effort. I ordered my food in French but even then I winced at a couple of the errors I made. (For what it’s worth, I have found Parisians entirely thrilled to hear a tourist even attempting to speak French, it makes a nice change from preppy American students shouting, “Please speak English!” at them across counters. Which we saw a lot of.)

But something amazing happened on the Metro on day two. I’d spent the day listening hard (in the least creepy way possible) to conversations around me and suddenly, from one moment to the next, something clicked in my brain. An announcement came on over the PA…and I understood it. The fast jabber of talk around me still was hard to grasp, but I understood what the conversations were and how they were progressing. A lovely little old lady stopped us on the street to ask for directions and I was able to apologize, explain our tourist status, and exchange pleasantries without a hiccup.

We went for crepes to celebrate (not really, we were on our way for crepes anyway, but Francophone pride certainly added some je ne sais quoi to the whole affair) and I was able to order for both of us and have the briefest of conversations with the delightful proprietor.
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He’s the gentleman in the blue shirt, and I’m a fan. He’s a love!

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Good looking husband is good looking.

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Know what else is good looking? That pear, chocolate, and cream stuffed flirt!

It probably seems really dinky but I was thrilled to realize that even though it’s rusty, my French is still there. If I learned it by doing, I’m suddenly confident in a way I haven’t felt in years that I could remember by doing as well. As it happens, on our second crepe endeavor, besides the Eiffel Tower, I was again complimented by a Parisian on my language skills. He didn’t mistake me for a Native, but he did ask if I was Canadian. All things considered, and years without practice, I think I’ll take that as high praise as well.
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These guys charmed locals and tourists alike with tons of gesticulation and winks.

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I might be half blinded by the sun and look like a sleep deprived crepe troll, but that face is the look of rediscovered Francophone victory well rewarded, minions.

A Brief History Review and a Puzzle

“Accordingly, I determined to pass that by as unknown, and to proceed at once to treat of his character, his deed, and such other facts of his life as are worth telling and setting forth, and shall first give an account of his deed at home and abroad, then of his character and pursuits, and lastly of his administration and death, omitting nothing worth knowing or necessary to know.”
– Einhard

He’s the first Holy Roman Emperor, and yet we have no idea where he was born or even precisely how many siblings he had. He conquered huge tracts of Europe, founded the first great institutions for learning and study since the fall or Rome, but remained almost entirely illiterate. He had masses of illegitimate children and refused to allow his daughters to marry, but let them carry on with their paramours and common-law husbands and enjoyed the bastard grandchildren they gave him openly. He campaigned against the Moors, who most people don’t know sent their armies deep into France and Germany in the 8th century and might have taken the continent but for him. Despite being absolutely brutal in warfare, he became renowned in the later age of chivalry for his deeds. He was crowned emperor of the Romans by the Pope himself, mostly to try and shake claims to the Byzantine Empire’s claims of cultural and authoritative inheritance, but which largely contributed to the destabilization of both the East and the West in the end. His power and commitment to art as well as war ushered in the first (of several, for what it’s worth) Renaissances.

So could somebody please explain what Charlemagne is doing with this highly unexpected piece of domestic equipment in this Paris statue? Inquiring minds want to know.

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