An Unattractive, First World Struggle Post

I know this isn’t the time to be beating ourselves up over our bodies, especially if they are healthy and functioning, but in spite of my goals I’ve managed to gain weight in quarantine and it’s really bumming me out.

The sensible part of my brain rolls its metaphoric eyes as I type that. Stress has always made me gain weight and circumstances are not exactly relaxing right now. Adhering to social distancing guidelines and guidance to stay at home, which we’ve taken seriously, has drastically curtailed physical movement. While I’ve been pretty good with exercise and have really committed over the past couple of months, my eating has been all over the place (see stress comment above). The toll is…exactly what you might expect.

It’s the most basic of basic bitch issues, but I really struggle with my body image. I’m small but not naturally slim and never have been. I’m not delicate petite, I’m squashed petite: normal sized skeletal proportions scrunched down vertically but not horizontally. It vexes me. In blatant rebuke to a lifetime of girl power and love yourself messaging, I do not like my corporeal form very much. I’ve gone through more positive phases and some crushingly bad ones, and right now I’m somewhere in the “negative to meh” zone.

This isn’t a plea for validation, or designed to make anyone else feel any type of way about their bodies – especially if in quarantine! But it’s an honest update against one of my year-long goals and how it’s making me feel. I’m working on getting rid of the negativity but I’m finding it difficult this week.

If you too feel the need to complain about something pointless and selfish, my comments are open for you to get it out of your system. We don’t judge at Small Dog Nation.

 

 

6 thoughts on “An Unattractive, First World Struggle Post”

  1. FED UP.

    I was starting to finally feel good about myself again in January — had stopped all alcohol and kept spin class 3xweek. Now…disaster. I am not at all disciplined (people who walk miles every day or do entire exercise classes indoors.)

    Very frustrated. Stress and anxiety will make us want carbs or sweets or liquor as well.

    I have to buy a new bike helmet and then GET OUT and ride it, despite our town’s very steep hills. I just don’t enjoy walking that much.

    So…solidarity.

    1. SOLIDARITY INDEED. I’m very glad to have found exercise that I like, but it doesn’t replace the 2+ miles I used to walk every day just living my life. My desire to munch on salty snacks, guzzle cocktails, and stuff my face with bread is REAL.

      1. CARBS. ALL THE CARBS…so comforting.

        I did only 2 miles yesterday and had to rest (which is embarrassing) but at least I did them. Now I need to do this 3-5 times every week. uggggggghhhhhhhh.

  2. It’s great to recognize your privilege. We get it there are starving children in Africa, the ice caps are melting, etc. But don’t let that make you feel too bad for feeling crummy about something.

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