I know this isn’t the time to be beating ourselves up over our bodies, especially if they are healthy and functioning, but in spite of my goals I’ve managed to gain weight in quarantine and it’s really bumming me out.
The sensible part of my brain rolls its metaphoric eyes as I type that. Stress has always made me gain weight and circumstances are not exactly relaxing right now. Adhering to social distancing guidelines and guidance to stay at home, which we’ve taken seriously, has drastically curtailed physical movement. While I’ve been pretty good with exercise and have really committed over the past couple of months, my eating has been all over the place (see stress comment above). The toll is…exactly what you might expect.
It’s the most basic of basic bitch issues, but I really struggle with my body image. I’m small but not naturally slim and never have been. I’m not delicate petite, I’m squashed petite: normal sized skeletal proportions scrunched down vertically but not horizontally. It vexes me. In blatant rebuke to a lifetime of girl power and love yourself messaging, I do not like my corporeal form very much. I’ve gone through more positive phases and some crushingly bad ones, and right now I’m somewhere in the “negative to meh” zone.
This isn’t a plea for validation, or designed to make anyone else feel any type of way about their bodies – especially if in quarantine! But it’s an honest update against one of my year-long goals and how it’s making me feel. I’m working on getting rid of the negativity but I’m finding it difficult this week.
If you too feel the need to complain about something pointless and selfish, my comments are open for you to get it out of your system. We don’t judge at Small Dog Nation.