I just had to document, so that you duckling may flinch with me appropriately, that this song exists.

I caught the last line of it while switching through radio stations driving home from the store and it was so crazy that I thought I must have mistaken it.

But no.

It is comparing checking one’s ladyfriend for ticks (the second vilest vermin God ever turned out wandering, after cockroaches alone) to making the beast with two backs.

Seriously.

I take at least a half dozen of those pestilent parasites off the dog daily and it never stops being disgusting.  I feel that I should hastag backwoods or something, but the truth is I’m a bit traumatized.

Worst. Euphemism. Ever.