Friday Links (Blog Update Edition)

“Borkin: Ladies and gentlemen, why are you so glum? Sitting there like a jury after it’s been sworn in! … Let’s think up something. What would you like? Forfeits, tug of war, catch, dancing, fireworks?”
― Anton Chekhov, Ivanov

Hope all American minions had a happy 4th of July, that the BBQ was tasty, and that all appendages remain in a state of attachment and good health.

First some blog business. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it just seemed like a good (if random) time to do it. Now that I no longer work at a police department and have no more professional secrets to keep, I’m retiring the semi-anonymity. Those friends of the blog who continue to write anonymously will have their privacy protected, of course, but other than that, we’re throwing off the shackles. I’ve felt a bit constrained lately in sticking to a semi-anonymous blog where there was no need. Prepare yourself, minions, we may even talk politics, religion, and favorite colors at some point.

So, hi there! My name’s Cadence – yes, the musical/military term – though lots of my friends call me “C..” But please, I beg you, don’t call be “Candice,” it’s a seriously sore spot. I’m married to Jeff, formerly known as J.. Everything else you already know: we’re moving to the UK (I just got back from my visa appointment, actually, a grueling 5 hour process factoring travel), he’s an accountant, I’m a freelancer/TBD, and we’re making the rest up as we go along. Howdy.

Back to your regularly scheduled linkage.

I love this gallery of old “seabathing” photos. Thinking about how many clothes people at the turn of the century wore compared to now, you can see why the bathing costume, which looks ridiculously covered up to us, was such a scandalous garment back then.

The heat this week has been insane (though in our neck of the woods it’s mostly been a mass of thunderstorms).

David Suchet IS Poirot, I will fight anyone who says differently. Here’s a charming short film he did about the Orient Express, created for his much anticipated role in Murder On the Orient Express Poirot film. The best part is the little old lady who teases him in mock alarm because if he’s about, someone must be dead!

There are a number of reasons I get huffy when people, usually not related to me, ask when Jeff and I are going to get around to having babies. First of all, unless we’re close friends, it’s well and truly none of your damn business. But close behind this primary irritation is the fact that these people, who are so apparently invested in my as-yet-non-existent spawn, will not be contributing in any substantial way to the care and maintenance of said tadpole. Which means, I firmly believe, that they don’t get a vote in any way, shape, or form. If you’re not going to help feed, tend, monitor, psychologically mess up or in any way help me parent this prospective kid, you don’t get to tell me I should be having one, ask me why I haven’t had one, or lecture me about how selfish I am for not having one. Simply bearing, to say nothing of raising, the next twig of my family tree is a hilariously priced venture in this country, as this piece from the NYT making the social media rounds lays out well. I could rant about this a lot longer, but I’ll just say that simply continuing the human race shouldn’t be this costly, especially while still delivering (no pun intended) one of, if not the highest rate of natal and maternal deaths in the developed world.

Of course it has a cocktail already. Gah, that poor kid.

Pinterest find of the week. This hilarious board follows the future exploits of “Quinoa,” the fake future daughter of the creator and all her ludicrously well dressed and celebrity-baby-oddly-named compatriots. Seriously, the names slay me.

I’ve baked my summer pies for the year, but you minions get on this and report back.

7 thoughts on “Friday Links (Blog Update Edition)”

  1. While I will advocate your right to have children whenever you darn well please, I find it discouraging to think that it is really a financial decision for many. I recall crying when I got the $4300 bill from my son’s birth. But, not because of the financial burden. I recall thinking to myself, “I’d pay twice as much for him. I’m so grateful he is here.”
    Not to mention the choice not to have maternity coverage made by the primary gal in the article. She chose not to have maternity care and then to get pregnant.
    Having said that, please don’t have a baby until you and your hub are ready. 🙂 Financially or otherwise.

    1. I have seen the pics, your son is worth 10x that – he’s a complete cutie!

      It’s a tough topic, I grant you. For me, I lump a lot of things under “financial considerations.” When I was working at the PD, my maternity coverage through work was NOT very good, plus I was the only one with a job while Jeff was finishing school. Then we had to take out loans to finance his education (thankfully they are not as big as many people we know, but it’s a much bigger amount of money than either one of us had dealt with before). Now we’re in the middle of a move to another continent where his starting salary is barely enough to cover food, housing, and basic (and I do mean basic expenses) because the cost of living is so high, so if we want to make any headway on our loans I have to work. Which I want to anyway, luckily.

      I’ve had a lot of friends have children before they were able to afford it, and it has almost always turned out badly – dropping out of school, relying on the generosity of parents and other family members, less than desirable housing, honest to goodness lack of enough money to meet certain medical and other expenses, even a couple divorces where both parties told me that money and children rearing concerns related to it (or the lack of it) was the main source of their relationship’s breakdown. I also saw a lot of this professionally at the police department in marital dispute cases. The friends I have who are making children work in spite of less that stellar financial situations have a LOT of help, not necessarily financial, often of time and babysitting availability, mostly from the grandparents. Which in London we won’t have. Perhaps not everyone lumps this under “financial” but in my brain they go under the same column. To me finances should be a consideration when starting your family. Perhaps not the primary one, but not to be disregarded. You don’t need to be in “perfect” circumstances, but there are some that are demonstrably better than others

      I’m lucky I think that finances will probably be LESS of problem for us when we do have kids, but we’re not really where we need to be in our opinion (no actual permanent address, in two separate states, in the middle of a move, starting and restarting careers, and living off savings) to even consider it. Longwinded comment, yikes! Basically, I know there’s a lot of advice out there that boils down to, “Don’t worry about the money, have kids anyway.” I personally don’t think it’s sound. I prefer, “To the best of your ability, make your home and two person family as secure as you think you need to be before adding to it. And it’s okay of your definition of timing and security is different from the neighbors.”

      Amen to the “ready” part!

      1. I’m with you that “ready” means more than “I want a baby.” There are levels of emotional, spiritual, relationship-standing, financial, and physical considerations to be made, and hastily making children can be dangerous in many ways.

        My husband and I waited a number of years into our marriage to make our sweet little man and did catch some flack for it (such is our little microcosm of society, I suppose) and I’m glad we waited – because it was the right time for us and for him.

        And although I wouldn’t say it’s been perfect timing, but it has been perfectly happy. So, my advice to those out there planning their families echos yours – be smart, don’t make babies on a whim or be inconsistent with your birth control if you aren’t ready for the consequences. But, also, start preparing now (which obviously you and your man are!). If you wait to find out if your ready when you think you’re ready…you’re probably wrong. And that officially made a lot less sense than I was hoping. Ha!

  2. Ah, so you’re outside the blog anonymity closet at last! Congrats! Is it scary out there?

    It never really ends with the kid thing … you conceive one, and immediately the universe sends a legion of Sanctimommies who are hell-bent on convincing you what a crappy mother you are and that everything you do with your lady parts is inherently wrong. Good grief. People suck.

    That Pinterest board is exquisite.

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