“I swear, the freshman get younger every year!”
– C.

We’re currently going through the brief pandemonium of a new term.  The roads are clogged – after a summer of near empty streets – as the population of both our university town and campus triples overnight.  There have already been several accidents and thefts.

And parents!  There have been many rabid parents, helicopter parents, fretting parents, clingy parents, and totally negligent parents.  The array of which gives rise to a multitude of headaches and funny stories.  Just as the freshman seem to get younger, the parents seem to get more overbearing,

However, I’m currently sleep deprived, stressed, and more than a little anxious about the fact that J. is leaving in two weeks.  So I’ll boil down a week’s worth of muffled snorts and eye bugging to handy, easy to read bullet point:

Parents!

• No, we cannot arrange an armed escort for your child to and from the dorms every morning.  However we do have a safe walk program, knock yourself out.
• I am terribly sorry that your son left his brand new laptop at the library for an hour unsupervised and it got stolen.  But I categorically refuse to accept the charge that we had the ability to prevent that incident or that it’s “all our fault.”
• No, I cannot run a background check on the boys in your precious daughter’s classes/congregation/dinner group.
• No, I cannot call you and give you a weekly checkup on your child unless there is a legitimate medical, psychological, or law enforcement reason for me to do so.
• No.  You’re child is not an exception.  Really.

Carry on, freshman.  Snip the umbilical cord and you’ll do alright.