The Hot Hot Heat

“It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire.  With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn’t hear the barbarians coming.”
– Garrison Keillor

It is a truth Americanly acknowledged that lack of air conditioning makes all other problems, including those of moving to a new country when said country has enacted new visa laws, pale in comparison.  Whiny?  Yes.  Wimpy?  Undoubtedly.  But the fact remains, kittens, that C.’s and 100 degree weather simply do not mix, and the effects on J.’s isn’t too much better.

NO.

The air went out sometime Thursday night and the repair guy has been over several times to.  The first time he inspected the cupboard where all the machinery is located and said, “The problem is that your unit is 30 years old, and that some of the wiring’s loose.”  So he tightened up the wiring, the air became cooler, and he left.

Thirty minutes later the heat was back and so was the repairman.  This time he climbed up to the roof and checked a couple of other flats’ units.  “The problem,” he declared, “is that your unit’s 30 years old, the coolant is about 2 gallons beneath what it’s supposed to be, and the wood holding up the roof unit is has rotted out from under it.  And the fan just exploded when I looked at it.”  Oh.  Goody.

Apparently he came back a third time to check out some other flats again and the real underlying issue is, “The unit – all the units – are about 30 years old.”  No one saw that one coming.  In any event, the cold (ha!) truth is that the only permanent solution is upgrading everything.  He’s going to fix our fan, hopefully soon, so that we can at least get some air moving through the flat, but it’s only a band-aid solution over the bullet hole.

We tried to hold out, we honestly did, but Saturday afternoon when the thermostat was at the end of it’s ability and incapable of reading any higher, we called my in-laws and begged to be allowed to sleep in their basement that night.  And like the wonderful people they are, they said yes.  Last night the blessed clouds rolled in so we went home and opened every window in the flat, regardless of rain and managed quite well, but if we don’t get this fixed soon there will be dark, dark consequences.  Or I may just throw in the towel, park myself on the bed with a glass of iced tea and a fan, and start speaking in an exaggerated Southern drawl.  You know.  Whatever comes first.

And after I've recovered from the vapors... I will END YOU.

4 thoughts on “The Hot Hot Heat”

  1. Gross!

    When the sweetie and I began dating, one of his heart-winning moves was to buy me two new powerful air conditioners, which I simply could not afford at the time — and working indoors at home, needed badly. I am on the top floor of our building with a flat roof (can we say, oven?) so days like today draw the curtains and blast the air and am claustrophobically, darkly cool.

  2. SCARLETT O’HARA. YES. But she totally wouldn’t have parked herself in bed…she would’ve skipped resting and gone out and worked her womanly wiles on the air conditioning man until he brought an enirely new unit for free and proposed to her.

    Having lived on a tropical island with no a/c (anywhere) for a year, my advice is as follows: Find a room with tile or stone floors and spend all your time lying on the floor. Drink borderline-frozen water at all times. Adjust your diet so that frozen fruit makes up the largest percentage possible. And while you’re spending your time lying on the floor, look out for the centipedes…

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