Presenting My Lord and Lady…Beepington?

“Beep beep!
– Roadrunner

My Lord and Lady Stompington are long gone, but the creaky floors above us remain.  Our newer neighbors, whom we have never actually met have their own quirks (including loud, ahem, conjugal activity.  And even more inexplicably, always vacuuming directly after said activity.  We still haven’t figured that one out) but by and large we prefer them to the clay-footed, bowling ball dropping, riverdancing jerks who went before.  But yesterday they almost lost their Small Dog Family stamp of approval.

While J. worked on finals, projects, etc. yesterday, I was busy being a phenomenal wife.  I cleaned the whole flat and did two loads of laundry… and nearly went completely round the twist before noon.


Because the smoke alarm in the flat above us apparently needed its battery changed, it beeped precisely every thirty seconds.  All day long.  For the first hour or so I tried vainly to locate it, pressing my ears to the walls and moving incrementally about the apartment with me head cocked to the ceiling.  The second hour I paced in circles fuming and pondered angrily as to why the neighbors didn’t shut the blasted thing off.  The third hour I lay on the couch, waiting to switch out laundry loads, and glared upwards.  It didn’t shut off until nearly 9pm at night.  You may imagine my wrecked mental state at the time.

7 thoughts on “Presenting My Lord and Lady…Beepington?”

  1. The vacuming is intriguing:

    baby powder?
    pillow feathers?
    powdered sugar?
    sawdust from floor-scraping furniture?
    broken furniture shards?
    dust from broken/cracked wall gypsum boards?
    incense ash?
    obsessive compulsive post-coitus cleaning?
    Or, it’s time to get up for the night shift and begin all the activities the rest of us do during the day (which might explain sleeping through the smoke alarm battery alert).

  2. You know they do make stairs and doors on which you can knock and say “hey neighbor, that noise may drive me into a murderous frenzy for which I won’t go to jail because I can use an emotional distress defense. Please make it stop.”

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