“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”
– Oscar Wilde.
I haven’t complained about work in a while, and there is a very simple reason for that. I had a rage stroke. Seriously. I got so angry that the rage literally had nowhere to go so it just retreated to a corner of my brain and fizzled. Between what I consider to be bad management with our pet project (which is still giving us a ridiculous amount of grief), and ego running our office in terms of funding, personnel relations, and department communication and day-to-day running, I was just FED UP.
Then, suddenly and blissfully, I just didn’t care anymore. Of course I’m not so foolish as to think the apathy is permanent. Just a few days later our copy machine threw up its metaphoric hands and said, “To hell with it,” Hennessy and I got so stressed that she had a minor meltdown and I spent a cathartic ten minutes kicking a brick wall before I went home, and self-entitled people began pouring out the woodwork (think they’ve been hibernating?).
To top it off, Dilbert™ for the past couple of days has been frighteningly like our department. Either Scott Adams secretly works here, or my worst fears have been confirmed and every job in the world is exactly the same.
“There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.”
– Ambrose Bierce
So, Avatar. I have to give it one big “Meh.”
Now, before the raging hordes come for blood, I can absolutely appreciate the scientific whammy of creating completely new technology to make something totally innovative. I can also appreciate the fact that the special effects are indeed pretty special (as long as you’re not in the second row at a 3-D theatre…woof…).
But, and I stand on this, the plot is boring.
I have seen A) Dances with Wolves, B) Pocahontas, and I have also lived through the Bush administration (subtlety, thy name is not James Cameron. Might as well have named the planet Iraq and the invading commander Cheny…yes, we get your point. Thank you).
“I think it’s a terrible shame that politics has become show business.”
– Sydney Pollack
My name is actually not a real name, per se. It’s a word that my parents turned into a name (which incidentally has enjoyed rising popularity in recent years, which makes me long to kidnap, rename, and adopt out any of these children who’ve stolen it, but I digress). I’m very fond of my name and when I see the word used anywhere I tend to get a bit excited. I was a vocabulary word in 8th grade, a fact both my teacher and I still find funny.
However, occasionally my name can cause me pain. Yesterday for example, as I was doing the laundry run and scanning through different radio stations I crossed paths with the Sean Hannity Show on talk radio. And he used my name. I felt unclean.
Politically I’m moderate and don’t associate myself with any parties (America needs a few more, I’m convinced, but that’s another post for another day) because I tend to agree with some things a party will support and strongly disagree with others. To be honest I think there must be a lot of people like me with opinions they’ve arrived at after lots of thought and examination. And if they’re like me they don’t like being herded by politicians or pundits into one camp or another for their own convenience.
However, I irrevocably and unequivocably hate Fox News, more specifically Fox Talk Show Hosts Claiming To Be News. I find them inflammatory and painful (like a bad rash) for their circular reporting and flagrant bias. Now, I understand that all news sources have a bias and that you need to be aware of that bias when you use them for information, but I maintain that Fox News is the only one to wave its around proudly and use the protection of free speech to declare their opinions fact. See here for further details. (Genius.) Oh, this too to expound.
And now, they are bringing on…Sarah Palin? Um, has anyone ever listened to this woman speak for any period of time?
All of which has nothing to do with my name, but it really got my goat!
“Why the HELL didn’t I continue with French?!”
“Why the CUSS didn’t I continue with French?”
“Well, you can take classes.”
“Yes but if I don’t do well, and I haven’t studied it for three years, it will affect my GPA which will affect my application. CUSS CUSS CUSS!”
– C. and J.
We all have them, but for about a month or so I’ve been going through a right awful funk. And although I wish I could say I’ve been keeping it under wraps, I’m afraid it’s been spilling over a bit. I’ve gotten noticeably sharp with people, even friends, short-tempered at work, and bitter about small things that have just seemed to mount on top of each other. It culminated last night in a meeting for J.’s new fraternity for accountants when I was exhausted and stressed. I tried to be funny but only succeeded in being rude, and collapsed in a sobbing pile of guilt when we got home.
Unfortunately, I’m a bottler: I keep things locked up inside until the inevitable explosion that tends to leave a wake of destruction. And even though we’ve all been told time and time again that this is not a healthy way to live, so many of us keep doing it because it has some obvious immediate benefits.
My problems are petty and selfish, but that doesn’t make them irrelevant or mean they don’t affect my life.
– I’m in a state of constant frustration that I spent four years getting an education, but work in a job that has nothing to do with what I studied (the European Studies field is not exactly conducive to jobs in the Western United States).
– I don’t really like living where we do.
– Truthfully, I had this plan post-graduation, which involved me moving back to England. I am an ENTJ, I frame my life in these little plans and get frustrated when they don’t come to fruition. It wouldn’t matter if common sense, good counsel, or God changed my plans, I’d still get annoyed/angry if things didn’t work out the way that I had intended. (Which I absolutely think happened in my decision to get married and stay in the States, and which I still think is probably the best decision I’ve made for myself. It’s just not what I thought was in the cards a year and a half ago; that’s what makes my little control-freak, inner Napoleon jump up and down howling, “Zees was not le plan!”)
– I miss being in school and recently came to the conclusion, after much deliberation, that I wanted to pursue grad school. And seeing as I can take classes for free, a perk of working for a university, why not? Problem A) my major, which I loved and would not hesitate to choose again, did not really prepare me for any of the graduate degrees offered here. My emphasis was in history and they have removed the MA in History degree (an idiotic move if ever there was one!).
Problem B) the next best degree, and one I am really interested in due to the interdisciplinary nature of the program, requires more classes in French. Which, if I want to get into the program beginning this coming fall, I’d need to complete in record time. A troublesome goal if one works full-time. Oh! And I’d need to take the GRE in about a month.
Mostly, I feel stuck. I can’t progress (at least immediately) in the way I want my education to go, we aren’t leaving this area (at least immediately) for a small eternity, and I can’t pursue my own interests (at least immediately) due to duty to my family.
And I’m the most impatient person I know!
There are treatments. Obviously I need to take better care of myself. I don’t work out anymore [again] and I’ve noticed that I haven’t been eating enough, which would put anyone in a strop. I also don’t have any pursuits outside of work right now, and that’s soul-numbing. I’m committed to grad school, but will I kill myself trying to make it happen all at once (or at least before the March application deadline)? Maybe I should make it a goal for next year and work more slowly and steadily towards it instead of trying to rush it.
Weigh in, friends. Had a minor life crisis recently? Plans get disrupted? Get impatient with goals that are attainable, but seem so far off?
April prepares her green traffic light and the world thinks Go.
I have decided that winter is over. There will be no future discussion on the matter, I have made my decision.
So all this snow on the mountains? Yeah, that has got to go. And further shenanigans with the temperature will not be tolerated, none of this 60 degree weather one day and 20-something degree weather the next. Icy sidewalks, parking lots, stairways, ramps, and surfaces in general are strictly verboten forthwith. Boots are again to be considered a fashionable accessory and not a survival necessity, as are scarves, gloves, and hats. Snow and hail must turn in their resignation, we have decided to move in a new direction, namely “spring showers.” Sunshine will be mandatory at least four days a week, clouds are permissable if they are of the fluffy white, breezy, or slighly-gray-but-only-passing-through varieties. Leaves must report for duty on trees immediately! Repeat immediately! Flowers to follow shortly thereafter. Sweaters are to be of the lightweight sort, with an optional jacket, and not layers deep of heavy wool. Thermometers will hover steadily between 70-85 degrees F. An aura of general pleasantness and “springness” will pervade the air.
Decreed this day by C., Empress of the Universe. Hear that, universe? I’m in charge and “We are not amused!”