“I am the only person I know who can miss the ground with both feet. While walking!”
At 4:32:05, yesterday afternoon, I tripped while carrying the laundry bags to the car to drop them off at the cleaners.
At 4:32:05:02, suddenly the earth dropped away. That’s the only explanation. I was walking merrily along, and then somehow neither of my feet managed to touch bottom.
At 4:32:05:22, the inexorable tug of gravity made its presence known.
At 4:32:05:46, due to the many years of experience I’ve had with this sort of thing, my only working thought was, “Oh, bother.”
At 4:32:05:59, also due to experience, I tried to twist my body such that I would land squarely on my knees without skidding (not that they mind. As far as I can tell, my knees are used to this sort of abuse).
At 4:32:05:87, with impact approaching, I suddenly realized I was wearing my best trousers.
At 4:32:05:96, thunk!
At 4:32:06:63, I managed to scramble up, assure various passing persons that the only thing damaged is my dignity, and brush myself off when…
At 4:32:06:94, it became very clear that the right knee of my trousers had been shredded.