Sunday Check In

A little while ago a tweet ran across my timeline that I have not been able to stop thinking about:

This one hit so deep my bones felt bruised. It was just so accurate.

2019 was probably one of the most substantive years of my career, and it turned out to be one of the most important of my marriage/family and friend relationships. It was a tough year in many ways, and a really rewarding one in others. Most of all, it felt progressive in the sense that I was able to actually feel and see my own progress. Money and career felt steadier than they had for the entire decade prior, my mental and emotional health felt more under my own command than any time I could remember – life felt like something I was living and moving through intentionally rather than something that was buffeting me along.

I don’t have a single friend who wasn’t experiencing some version of hard work paying off in a significant sphere of their lives. It didn’t diminish the very real, grown up challenges many of us were managing…but we were managing them.

And now, we’re looking at our third full month of some kind of lockdown, side eyeing the people who are acting as if government official guidance has changed (it hasn’t, substantively), and honestly debating what our summer will look or feel like. Everything – from the economy to social life to a sense of “normal” – has just stopped.

The sudden, crashing halt from progress to stagnation is unsettling and vertigo inducing. We’re all just waiting to see what happens next, and planning for the future is so theoretical as to be useless.

My 34th birthday is coming up and I’ll be spending it in lockdown. We’ve been in it since mid March and we’re nearly at the halfway point of 2020. Who knows where Jeff’s birthday will find us in fall. We talk about it jokingly, and I try to keep a cosmic sense of humor about it overall, but what does it mean to “write off” several months if not a year of our lives? Not entirely of course, life goes on in lockdown but it’s not life as many of us know it – and has a heaping pile of anxiety and stress on top of it all as an added bonus.

Will we travel to see Jeff’s family as we planned? We haven’t seen family face-to-face in about two years. Will we go back to our offices in any way, or is our “work life” fundamentally and permanently altered? If the latter, even if you’re happy about it, how will we adjust to this? How long will it take? Will I have a job in two months? Boy I hope so. Will there be a recession (probably unless you think that we’re already in one, which is a compelling argument to me)? Another one?! Yes. How will we handle it? *Lol shrug.*

Sorry to be a bit of a downer this week – it’s mostly due to hormones, so don’t take it too seriously. But if you too are struggling with this feeling of “stuckness” please let me know, and how you’re dealing with it.

Off to perk myself up with a Bank Holiday weekend mimosa and some vitamin D through our open window.


9 thoughts on “Sunday Check In”

  1. Happy early birthday, fellow Gemini! 🙂

    I hear you. I had a birthday a few days ago, and it precipitated me into a similar feeling of “stuckness” and melancholy. I’m tired of not seeing my family and friends face-to-face, not being able to socialise, date and meet new people. It’s hard to see an end to it, especially when scientists are unsure whether a safe, effective vaccine will even be possible. I’m sure it will end eventually, as all pandemics have done throughout history. But the question is, when? A world where social distancing is the “new normal” (ugh, I keep seeing that phrase everywhere) is a scary thought.

    I’m trying to deal with it by limiting the amount of coronavirus news I read (to once a day) and spending more time doing things that relax and distract me…. cooking, exercising, reading and listening to podcasts. I finally did a Yoga with Adriene workout for the first time — 30-day yoga challenge, here I come! And movies and TV are good escapism for a little while. There’s an excellent new series on Amazon Prime: Little Fires Everywhere, based on the book by Celeste Ng.

    Enjoy the long weekend and keep on, keeping on. We’ll get through this.

    1. Geminis unite!

      I’ve made a lot of similar adjustments that you mentioned (love the YWA playlists) and it’s nice to hear my dive into melancholy isn’t a solitary plummet. Luckily I know it’s a temporary feeling. Hope you had a lovely weekend!

  2. This is not related to your post at all, but I just wanted you to Hannah that my 12 year old commandeered my copy of The Dead Queens Club and is now obsessed with the Tudors and keeps wanting to read about Henry and his wives. She found Six, the musical, and is currently listening to it all the time (including right now). She’s read the Dead Queens Club multiple times over. I know 12 year olds aren’t entirely the target audience and I was a little unsure about the more teenage themes in it but I guess it’s fine?

    1. Yes to DQC, yes to SIX, and yes to Tudor history! I loved this comment and flipped it on to Hannah to make her day. Thanks so much for letting us know we’ve converted another to the tribe of The Wives.

  3. this may be unhelpful but may be uplifting????? anyway I’ve been obstinately thriving for this lockdown but it’s been extremely intentional, aka from the “soft open” first weekend of quar i set a plan with phases and goals and I’ve been really aggressive in making myself follow through, which now several months in has paid off. if this comes across as motivating rather than braggy I’m happy to share my extensive wisdom when we next chat!! ilyyy

    1. Not at all! I delight in the thrive! I’ve honestly been thriving for most of lockdown, but for some reason (again, probably not UNadjacent to hormones), last week was unexpectedly difficult. Do let’s swap stories sooooooooooooonnnnnn!

  4. Happy birthday fellow Geminis! (I’m June 6)

    I hear you!

    You have weathered a lot in recent years — and this is like running right into a brick wall. We all have brick-indented faces now!

    But older folk have also enjoyed better times, which allowed us to save $, buy a home, whatever forms of security are very much more elusive or denied for your generation.

    This pandemic has thrown everyone in chaos, work/family/health/finances — and with no end in sight.

    I can only hope by June 2021 we are all in much better shape, in whatever form that takes.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.