“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.”
~ Charlie McCarthy
Ducklings? Come, sit by me and let’s have a semi-serious musing together, alright?
Do you ever get bored? That is a ridiculous question, and I’m aware of it, but I’m honestly curious. I ask because when scrolling through the list of incredible and incredibly talented friends that make up my address book, I am struck at how many of them look at their accomplishments and feel an overwhelming sense of “whatever.” Multiple friends and acquaintances, whose experiences and opportunities I genuinely envy and admire, have recently expressed how unimpressed with or apathetic they are towards those things I’d kill to have right now.
It makes me feel better, because I feel as if my life is incredibly unimpressive (at least of late), and apparently I’m in good company. But it doesn’t stop the feelings of apathy, boredom, listlessness, and (occasionally) resentment from cropping up.
It certainly affects my writing. From time to time I try to figure out just what exactly I’m doing with this blog. It started as a way to just get me to write when I was getting lazy, it morphed into a way to share the funny stories of my workplace and served as a place for me to comment snidely but fondly on the tiny slice of humanity I am privileged to observe so closely. I like this little blog of mine, I have no intention of abandoning it, but on it’s journey that so closely mirrors my own, it’s a bit stale and lacking focus. Not entirely unlike myself.
We’re coming up on another major life shift in the near future (the end of schooling for both parties in my marriage) and with all life shifts one has to sit down and figure out, “What the hell do I do now?” It’s cliche and trite, but it’s not a trivial question. For the first time in years I’m getting the chance to really make some decisions about the direction I want my/our life to go… and I’m discovering that my ability to be proactive, my gumption, and my basic major-life-shift skills have all atrophied somewhat.
I’ve gotten complacent. I’ve not been a major actor in my own life (or so it feels) in a long time. I am faced with trying something new and for the first time I feel so incredibly daunted. I’ve hopped continents during major terrorist threats and made it through earthquakes and typhoons with less trepidation! I’m desperate for change, growth, new opportunity, but a little worried that I’m not as capable of handling it as I once was.
Then of course, every once in a while reason reasserts itself and says, “C., you of all people know that, will you, nill you, life goes on. And you also know that whether or not you choose to worry about, you will have no choice but to just get on with it. And, finally, you know that you generally land on your feet. This philosophizing of yours is fun, but hardly necessary.”
My subconscious never lets me wallow. It’s useful, but annoying.
So, minions, do you find yourself getting bored? Complacent? Underwhelmed? Ready for a change? And what do you do if you still have to wait a while to shake things up (even if the wait is only a couple of months)? More importantly, how do you jumpstart your own lives after letting things coast for a while?