A Rose By Any Other Name

“Because it is my name!  Because I cannot have another!”
– The Crucible

Let’s continue on the baby rant theme, shall we?  Or perhaps a variation of it…the names some people inflict on their children.  Unusual names are fine, I have one for heaven’s sake, but some names seem more cruel than anything else.  Here’s a few that have come across my desk in the past few weeks (J., please read this and admit that the nice English names I want to bestow on our children, though odd to an American ear, are far from the worst I could come up with):


Oral – why, by Jove?!
Hildebrande – named after what was no doubt an embarrassing uncle
Balthazar – are you a video game character?  No?  Bad choice
Stetson – are you a Mountie’s hat?  No?  Bad choice
Turk – is your last name Irish in any way?  If so (it was) bad choice
Jumber – baffling


Jaraka – an Anglo-American girl from somewhere in the midwest
Daxy – after, apparently, a Star Trek character
Camillo – wrong last letter
Moment – it only takes a moment…to make your child hate you forever

Just so we’re clear, lots of unusual names are quite nice – Janssen’s baby’s name is not common and it’s adorable.  Ditto on my godniece.  But let’s be clear just because your spawn’s name is unique, it does not follow that it’s in good taste.

PS – See J.?  My ideas are looking better and better, aren’t they?

12 thoughts on “A Rose By Any Other Name”

  1. Your profile pic dragged me in here because I can remember the caption. “This is fluffy… the destroyer of worlds.”

    I guess as far as the name Oral goes, better a guy than a girl right?

  2. best awful name story ever..

    So my brother is sitting in class on the first day of his sophomore year of high school, when suddenly the teacher demands to know who has been messing with his roll. When no one giggles or volunteers, he continues to query the class demanding to know who and how someone manhandled his sacred class roll. Finally, the students begin asking some questions and inquire why he thinks someone has been tampering with his things. The teacher then exclaims in exacerbation, “who in their right mind would named their child sh*thead?!”

    At which point an african-american girl from the back of the classroom indignantly declares:

    “it’s SHU-THEED!!!”

    Phoenetics much?
    Ohhhh public school system.
    Why have you failed us so badly?

  3. As one who has been mistakenly referred to as an Eric Clapton song for much of her life, names make a difference. Of course, people look at me weird when I give them the proper phonetic pronunciation ‘long e silent i’. Or say the Doctor Who Leelah.

    I don’t know what possessed my parents as the rest of the sibs are normal names. But I’ll say this, when you go to elementary school with a Tuesday, a Rainbow and, yes, a Bubba, I learned to appreciate the fact that my parents just made me a Leila.

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