“Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?”
– The Emperor’s New Groove
Freshman year I had a roommate, Georgie, who was awesome wrapped around a slice of fabulous. She wrote a show our entire dorm performed, had all sorts of scholarships, and the good fairy had blessed her with a wittiness of the lung-busting-laughing variety. We’ve kept in touch as best we can, she married now with a little boy and we live nowhere near one another.
She had a theory, one which in my life experience has yet to be disproved, that read thus: any incident may be summed up or perfectly accompanied by a quote from the Emperor’s New Groove. Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon?
Bad makeup day? “Llama face!”
Crisis of conscience? “My shoulder angel.”
Someone invading your personal space? “No touchy!”
So mad you can’t function? “I gotta go wash something.”
Yesterday Hennessy and I took a break and wandered over to the campus book store on the hunt for calendars (oh the thrilling life of a secretary!). While making our way back we came across her.
The woman was stretched like taffy, extremely long and freakishly thin. Her face was almost pentagonal, her cheek bones jutting out sharply on each side. She’d obviously had “work done” because her skin was stretched taunt over her visage in a way that does not appear in nature, her skull looked a size too small beneath it. She was dressed in something long, tight, and purple. She was accompanied by a large hulking man.
Hennessy and I made it past her without comment but when we were safely out of hearing, she turned to me and said one word. “Yzma.”
Georgie’s theory is still holding strong.