The Scottish Play

“It’s like saying ‘Macbeth’ in the theatre!”
– Grey’s Anatomy

Surviving in the corporate world, even on the rather planktonian level of a University police office, requires certain precautions of the supernatural variety.  Whether by occult design or unnatural happenstance, bad things often happen in threes.   Whenever one needs a large print job, an obligatory sacrifice of small animals/Freshmen is usually necessary to get its resident poltergeist to permit the entire project to come out unscathed.   When discussing hypothetical future events, it is absolutely necessary to pound, not simply knock, on wood to ensure that nothing will hex your efforts.

And you must never, under any circumstances, ever make the fatal mistake of saying that the office is “quiet.”  It matters not if it’s dull as tombs, to draw attention to any dearth of activity is to invoke the wrath of the Office Gods who delight in punishing mortals.  The moment you mention that you haven’t enough to do, that no one has come to the front desk in some weeks, or that the phone hasn’t even rung in approximately 400 years…le deluge.

Cars start colliding, thieves pour from the shadows and swipe everything in sight, power lines go down and tornadoes spin up.

Friday I made the classic error.  Hennessy and I were comparing late afternoon notes on our days when I confessed that the office was dead.

C. you IDIOT!

Immediately bellows erupted from Lt. Figaro’s office and echoed down the hall as he and a patron got into it a bit over the phone.  And mere moments after that a young lady appeared, asking one of the officers to do something to a report (I didn’t hear precisely what, but it seemed she wished to come off sounding better than she felt the report currently did).  She was instantly and brusquely informed that no such change would be made and was bid a stern good day and exited snarling.  Every phone in the office started ringing.  Lt. Figaro finally hung up on his frothing foe and stormed out to raise havoc in the patrol room.

Seeing that she was next in line for a lashing, I quietly suggested to Hennessy that she and I extricate ourselves from the situation my tongue had foolishly caused.  We escaped to do the laundry run.

One thought on “The Scottish Play”

  1. That is a undeniable, proveable TRUTH. The Word That Shall Be Known As “Q” is never said in the room. If it is uttered, DIRE CONSEQUENCES OCCUR TO THE UTTERER.

    We had a sergeant that would pop his head in and ask “hey, is it QUIET today?” and shut the door as fast as he could. He was pure evil. 😉

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