“If you wait a few minutes you can have a piece of cake. Baked it chock-full of love, actually chock-full of unrelenting, all-consuming rage and hostility. But still tasty.”
I made light of it but yesterday’s brush off (you know, when I delivered fifty years of an otherwise undocumented perspective on the growth of the university, state, and country through some of the most turbulent social decades of the previous century…nothing big) was a crushing blow. I’ve been coasting along blissfully at work ever since my rage stroke without caring too much about the administrative snafus that I seem to see everywhere.
But then this happened and my entire academic life flashed before my eyes. I wondered if all my education even mattered, if I’d ever be able to use it again, what would become of me, blah blah blah. It was rough. To make it worse it was compounded with hormones and J. wanting to talk about our future (grad school, loans, working now, internships). The overwhelming sense of uncertainty blended nicely into the tempest already brewing in my teapot.
Cue minor meltdown. I started baking immediately. I hate cooking of all forms so for me it’s the ultimate cathartic experience: I can take out my emotions by beating eggs, shredding carrots, and pummeling dough into submission, and come out with something sugary at the end. Perfect. Luckily Venice and I met somewhere in the middle – she needed butter, I needed Midol – and I got a nice heaping dose of perspective, as she’d had a pretty wretched day too.
She’s been suffering at work for years now. And unlike me, she doesn’t have lots of really great co-workers and supervisors to make the stupidity and drudgery less irksome. (Don’t go, Venice! Er…ahem…) Twenty minutes complaining about work, mutual resolve to learn to cope better, and I was ready to talk grad school with J.
6 thoughts on “Making a Cake of Myself”
Have no fear, life lessons are always grumpy-making. First – Baked goods Always makes the future brighter. Second – Friends, no matter how near or far will buoy you up. Third – the Future will always be there but the Now is fleeting.
Keep writing, Keep the humor, Keep the husband, Keep the dreams (just let them grow).
You always give excellent advice.
Funny. I just had a conversation like unto yours yesterday too, when my dear friend Alligator confided in me a fear of the future and whether her education eve mattered, whether she’d use it, blah blah blah….and the anxiety about the future with her and her husband’s grad schools and internships. I, myself, was having the very same mild panic attacks. What if I fail at my chosen path? What if I move and have no social life and die alone, surrounded by cats instead of fabulous friends and adopted orphans? Am I gonna be poor? What if I never get around to going to grad school, or I can’t afford it….or I spontaneously combust one day, just walking politely down the street? I….I…..need to go….arrange some flowers.
It’s so sad that I know the episode that your quote comes from…so so sad…
The cat picture cracks me up. So sad about the files going into the archival abyss!! I’d love to read them! Keep on keeping on. I love your blog!