C.’s Quick Translation for Online Oppinuendo on Health Care
You liberal/conservative idiot! : I respectfully disagree with you.
Don’t you have a brain?! : I respectfully disagree with you.
The Republicans/Democrats are out of touch with the American people! Down with them! Drag them into the streets! : Rep-R/Rep-D voted against my personal opinion!
Obama is the Antichrist! : I’m conservative.
Obama is brave to take this problem on! : I’m liberal.
Stop making asinine comments! : I have weighed and measured such information as I have found, and I now find myself on the other side of the aisle from you.
You socialist nazi! : I respectfully disagree with you.
You conservative nazi! : I respectfully disagree with you.
This is a choice between good and evil! : This is a choice between political ideologies, about which I feel very strongly.
It’s unconstitutional! : It personally offends my sensibilities.
I can’t even begin to tackle your logical fallacies! : I refuse to attempt to see things from your liberal/conservative point of view and prefer to argue.
As a future doctor I don’t want to have the government dictate the terms of my work (requirements, treatment standards, paycheck, etc.) to me! : I much prefer to dictate the terms of my work (requirements, treatment standards, paycheck, etc.) to my patients myself.
Go ****/$$$$/@@@@/%%%% yourself! : I’m afraid we just can’t see eye to eye on this.
The End Times are coming! : I am seriously displeased with the turn of events.
I’m moving to Canada! : I am not actually moving to Canada despite ranting to the contrary for some time.
There, now you find yourself able to navigate the intricacies of Facebook, comment threads, and forum mudslinging. Take a few calm breaths to recharge and think of some withering profanities, and when you feel ready, charge back into the fray. Discussion doesn’t seem to be the name of the day, so feel free to bandy tired clichés back and forth, quote the pundits/talking heads in lieu of actual original thought, and mistake insults/gloating for a solution. Carry on!