Gender. Confusion.

“I think so many people around here rush into marriage because they’re told not to have sex until they’re married and they’re desperate.”
“Definitely.  Or they think marriage is their only option and it just doesn’t make sense to say ‘no’ if they have the opportunity.”
“…I think we may be looking at this through our gender perspectives here…”
-J. and C.

Last night J. came down from the city and as soon as he walked in the door I declared, “I’ve engaged us for the evening!  Margot’s having a Tony Awards party at her house.  Angel’s coming and she’s bringing her husband so you’ll have someone to make fun of us with.”
“But-but-” he gestured at the TV desperately, “NBA finals!”
“Oh, ok, you don’t have to come, but I’d like to go even just for a little while.”
“It’s ok,” he said quickly, “I can come if you want me to.”
“No worries, you don’t have to unless you want to.”

I could see the inner debate starting to rage: tell her what she wants to hear vs. the truth and possibly get hurt and have to spend hours/days doing penance. 

menwomenNow, here’s the thing, I’ve never been A Girl about this sort of thing.  Ever.  Not the entire time we’ve been dating or even with any previous boyfriends.  I am not going to drag a guy along to something he hates merely to be beautifully cruel and powerful, not only is it rude but nobody has a good time.  So when I saw him struggling, I burst out laughing,
“You seem confused.”
“Well, yeah!” he said.
“You’re not getting punished, I’m not going to be bitter, and I’m not fishing for a right answer.”
The look on his face quite clearly said, This does not compute, so I just grabbed by bag and headed out the door saying cheerfully, “See you in an hour!”
Later when I asked him why after well over a year he’s still expecting me to suddenly turn evil he insisted, “Because someday, when I least expect it, I just know you’re going to get me with this one!”

It’s not the paranoia that offends me, it’s the lack of faith!

2 thoughts on “Gender. Confusion.”

  1. Such emotional honesty and clarity is hard to come by. You have achieved via a difficult path but I am so glad you have it.

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