“I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.”
To absolutely no one’s surprise I am sure, I am a walking hazard. Seriously, if it were ten million years ago and the destiny of the future human race depended on me surviving the evolutionary gauntlet, you would not be reading this now. Natural forces are not my friends. Some of my most recent forays into the realm of accidental scientific inquiry have been absolutely ludicrous!
On a whim I purchased some little tomato plants and herbs to plant along the tiny garden the tenants of our building share. I’m no suburban housewife, but fresh veggies and cilantro means fresh salsa and that’s an idea I can totally get behind. However as I toted my prizes out to the garden, I took a look around and belatedly realized that I did not, in fact, own so much as a trowel. Not willing to risk my manicure I hunted around frantically for even a stick but I hunted in vain. Finally, as I stared at the sad, wilting little troopers in their too-small plastic pots, I was seized with inspiration! I dashed up to my flat and grabbed a spoon from the sink and raced back down to send dirt flying. I had just finished and was surveying my biological kingdom with pride when a whole troop of the upstairs neighbors, none of whom I’ve yet met, wandered by. There I stood: mad post-workout hair, fists on hips, stance of victory, with (as I later discovered) streaks of dirt on my face…and spoon clenched tightly in my fingers. All three of them gave me the fish-eye and hurried upstairs without saying hello.
Not content with dirtying my only clean spoon in the garden, I wreaked more havoc in the kitchen by making myself dinner last night. Apparently the microwave gets freakishly hot because I pulled a glass plate that I’d used to heat some chicken from it (the plate didn’t seem too hot to me) and started to run it under water…a spiderweb pattern shot through the whole thing and less than a second later it had fallen to pieces in my hands. I tossed the bits away and went to bed moody.
See here if you haven’t already.
My enemy! You wouldn’t think it possible to trip on an elliptical machine where your feet are firmly planted, would you? Somehow I managed, twice. I scattered the entire contents of my makeup case while getting ready yesterday morning, I dropped food down the front of my shirt while J. watched laughing on monday, and nearly did a cartwheel going down my stairs this morning (crisis averted by clutching the railing to save my sorry hide).
However! I not only now have PBS (how else am I supposed to keep up with my British television and BBC period dramas?), but our basic cable package also came with the History Channel! My nerdy soul rejoices! Even if I don’t live long enough to contaminate the gene pool with my faulty, clumsy, ridiculous DNA I will still die entertained.