Mad Place Called Vertigo

“Intimacy is a four syllable word for, ‘Here’s my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy.'”
-Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy

Some people are naturally good at relationships: they buy presents constantly, have cutesy nicknames for each other, and count and celebrate every single week/month/whatever of their duality.  They wander around in a fond fog until, 9 times out of 10, it crashes spectacularly around them.  Then they take some time, recover, and bounce right on to the next lover with varying degrees of trepidation but probably with that butterfly-in-stomach feeling still intact.

Small Dog fights.  Or flees.  Whatever.
Small Dog fights. Or flees. Whatever.

I am not one of these people.  I suck at relationships.  My communications skills are nil and I have an overdeveloped Fight or Flight response.  In fact I tended to avoid emotional commitment for most of my life and never dated anyone I actually liked enough to upset my equilibrium.  Fairy puts it’s kindly by saying I’m “emotionally stunted.” 

Unfortunately relationships don’t get easier with practice (sometimes I think I’m getting worse even after 10 months of practice with J.) and you can’t buy into all the mumbo-jumbo that magazines, prime-time television, and well-intentioned friends try to soothe you with: we’re all clueless.  Just as soon as you figure out the rules, the ground shifts under your feet.  Luckily I’ve gotten to the point where this sort of freefalling doesn’t scare me as much, mostly I’m left muttering under my breath, “Good grief, what now?” while I plummet.  My problem when this occurs isn’t so much that I’m falling, but that I can’t get my bearings until I hit the ground again, at which point I try to reorient while recovering from the impact. 

I can’t be alone here; I know my 203 VIPS at least have a few good stories on the romantic end, Venice is a newlywed learning to deal, and Tink just had a baby and is heading towards being a SAHM.  My London girls AbFab, Red, and Marie are all going through travel, romantic, and medical drama.  Anyone else feel like they’re constantly playing catchup with life?!

6 thoughts on “Mad Place Called Vertigo”

  1. Ok, I can’t fathom you not being able to communicate well. I mean that’s what you do, you talk. Unless for some reason you really suppress what’s really in your heart and refuse to say a lot of what you would like to get off your chest (which I’ve certainly never seen, but I’ve never dated you). Although, I can’t say for sure as far as the “good girlfriend” roll because while I’m around you and J. quite a bit, obviously I don’t know how you two are all the time. I see you two in public circumstances and around the apartment. I know from seeing you in the two, there can be somewhat of a difference in how you react to being in public especially as “the girlfriend” but frankly you seem to meet J.’s expectations (which he regularly assures me) so it seems like you’re playing most of the game right. I mean I can say I have different expectations out of what I want from a relationship, but I don’t see anything wrong with the way you handle yours. Look at the bright side, you could be these guys: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mii8aJklEOg

  2. Amen! I’ve been having the hardest time in relationships! However, with the help of music and literature I have found some peace. For example, you know how the Fool in Shakespeare is considered, well, the fool, but he is the only one that says anything of sense in the play? Thats how I feel about relationships. I have to be honest with myself and others about how I’m feeling. To do so is honorable, yet, if others see that as foolish, I am at least in good company with Shakespeare’s “Fool”. So we fall, play the fool, and hope that someday we won’t hit the ground and that our hearts will break in openness and not annoying pain.

    I don’t know if that makes any sense. Love the blog!
    Miss you!

  3. Yeah, dating kinda sucks… It’s an interesting topic for statistical analysis considering that it has such a poor success record, and yet still attracts virtually 100% of the population. I mean, seriously… it only works once! I know what you mean about getting worse at the relationship game though… Every failed relationship brings up a new reservation that you’ve either got to put away or drag like a ball and chain. It’s tough to drop that baggage sometimes making each relationship all the more “complicated.” Ugh.

  4. On this topic of dating and having an overly developed fight/flight response, I happen to be a PhD holder. I finally know a young man, who also just happens to be beautiful, intelligent, intriguing, bewitching, and sarcastic, that makes me feel nervous and excited just by walking into the room. It should be known that I don’t react in this fashion to men. I am the controlled, totally aware woman who is capable and confident around all men. What’s different about him? …that’s the million dollar question.

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