After some consideration, I submit that almost all actions in the world can be categorized into one of three categories: those we could do, those we would do, and those we should do.  However, most of the times that I hear these words they are inevitably followed by less assertive ones.  I could do such and such when…  Or I would do so-and-so if it weren’t for…  I know I should do blah blah blah, but…  And every once and a while, you are faced with a decision in which your actions can fit any one of those three categories!  These sorts of decisions tend to be the really big and important ones with long reaching ramifications and, speaking from experience, they always involve a certain amount of frustration.  The problem with saying “I WOULD do [insert action here] IF…” is that many times we are rationalizing away our ability to make and follow through with decisions.  So, what do you do when you’ve made decisions, felt good about them, and approached the execution of your plans with confidence, only to realize that maybe the plan that was a good idea 6 months ago isn’t such a bright idea any more?  

For example, I made the decision last September that after graduation, I was going to move to England to be in the same country (to say nothing of the same continent) as my family for a change.  It felt like the right and good decision for me and for about half a year now that has been the plan.  I’ve been job and flat hunting to find a place close enough to home that I can come home for the occasional dinner but far enough away that my parents can’t randomly drop in on ME, and find a job that I will, if not love, not hate. 

But suddenly, this one decision splintered about January and my inner dialog changed from “I’m going to Europe” to “I COULD go to Europe when I graduate” and “I WOULD go to England if I could find a job.”  Most importantly, “SHOULD I go to England?”

The not so subtle shift from statement to question in the last example hit me between the eyes when it first made its rude appearance in my sub conscience.  Because, in spite of my earlier confidence, the answer now is a resounding “No,” and I can’t tell exactly how, why, and when it changed.  All I know is that I don’t want to look back at this decision-filled time in my life and think I “coulda, woulda, shoulda” done something different. 

In the end, I don’t think you’re going to get out of any major decision guilt or nostalgic free, there is always going to be a measure of regret and the tiny vague thought wondering about what would have happened if you’d done differently.  I think the goal is just to make a decision that you know, worries and problems and all, you’d probably make again if given the chance.