Like so many jaded people these days, I don’t put much faith in resolutions made at this time of year.  Most of my friends swear to give up alcohol, sleeping with strangers, or (the more conservative ones) swear to give up self flagellation and start enjoying life more.  History demonstrates that all that really happens is that my outrageous and my conservative friends seems to switch places: the crazy ones pound themselves into guilty messes the night of Dec. 31 trying desperately to behave and the quiet ones put on something tight and red (even some of the men) and spend the night trying desperately to prove how fun-loving they are.  However, these fits of virtue/vice don’t usually last too long; give or take three weeks, things slide back to normal.

But in the spirit of the season, I admit that I do try and resolve to do something positive in my life.  I don’t ever manage to come up with a bullet point list, in true type-A fashion I tend to come up with plans or programs.  But this year, I’m at a loss.

2007 was a strange year.  Still economically sound, personally stable (at least in public), and privately confused, it hasn’t been a bad year so much as a hard one.  Between work, school, men, life, my first sticky steps into the soggy marsh of love, and a catastrophic family meltdown I’ve been…busy.  But I did come to one stunning realization recently: I’m not good at making myself happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a happy person.  I love my fun, I enjoy life, and I love living it, but when it comes to making decisions strictly for my benefit I fall short.  This surprises some people as I tend to be a decisive (a.k.a. bossy and stubborn) person, not given over to bouts dithering or dallying.  As such, I spent a lot of time in ‘07 being called in by many friends to assist in various emergencies (including, but not limited to: getting dumped, dumping someone, getting over someone, being a designated driver–which was an expirience not having my American license–mediating a potential divorce, breaking into several flats when someone got locked out, support for a relative with cancer, and the usual gossip duty with my girlfriends).  I’m not complaining!  Most of the above, except the obvious, were loads of fun!  I will bend over backwards to make those I love happy…

…but I have little expirience, I’ve discovered, in going out of my way to make myself happy! 

So, in 2008 I have resolved to be happy.  Not content, not merely cheerful.  I am going to be obnoxiously, mind-bogglingly, intoxitcatingly happy!  So, watch this space…